Gransnet forums


Funeral wishes

(109 Posts)
Cherrytree59 Mon 25-Mar-19 00:14:35

I an a bit worried about putting this in the Bereavement section as at this moment in time we are not bereaved.
So apologies to anyone who is at present suffering a bereavement.

My MIL is now sadly receiving palliative care, after what the hospital calls a large seizure.
We have been told that the end is near, but could be days or a couple of weeks.

Tomorrow we are going to our local funeral director to purchase a prepaid funeral in order to carry out the express wishes of my MIL.
Which is in her words is -No fuss, basic coffin and No flowers'.
My MIL was a salt of the earth, hard-working woman.
She lived through hard times and every penny counted.
She did not believe in squandering money,
However she was extremely generous to her son and grandchildren.
As the saying goes 'she would give you the shirt off her back'.

This is unknown territory for me as my Mother's funeral was long time ago and my father had made arrangements.

So tonight I have been quietly googling and was surprised to read about the different quality coffins available including brass silver or gold handles etc.

My question is why?
It's either going on the ground as with my parents or as with my MIL it will be cremated (not sure what happens the coffin metal adornments presumably they just melt)

I was a bit concerned with how basic my husband mother's wishes were, but I am now of the same mind and in the near future DH and I will discuss our own arrangements.
What do GNers think?
(I completely understand that it is up to the individual to spend their money how they see fit)

As have I am sure many GNers, I have attended several funerals, but never once have I looked coffin and thought about the choice of wood or handles and considered whether it was basic model or no expense spared.
They are often covered in flowers anyway.

(DH and I will organise catering at a local venue for family and friends.)

It would seem that tomorrow is now today smile

NotSpaghetti Wed 27-Mar-19 23:07:50

There are some interesting discussions about coffins on this thread from a couple of months ago.
Might be worth a look?

Cherrytree59 Thu 28-Mar-19 12:09:51

Thank you all for your thought provoking posts.
I have read some of them out my DH.

My mother in law passed away peacfully last night.
We are blessed, we watched a lovely peaceful lady lying in hospital bed pain free.
After suffering years of agitation caused vascular dementia.
The hospital had nursed my Mil for 3 weeks.
They have been truly wonderful.
She was in her own room in NHS hospital with lilac curtains (her favourite colour) gently blowing in the breeze.
The spring sunshine streamed through the window.

I will rejoin the thread later if I may. After we have done what is necessary.

I would like to PM you over the coming days if I may.

Harris27 My sincere condolences. thanks

Grannyguitar Thu 28-Mar-19 13:17:30

My mother in law filled in the forms to leave her body to science some 20 years before her death. Unfortunately, she ticked a wrong box somewhere, and the next day, two men turned up in a black van asking to collect the body. She told them to b****r off as she was still using it!

Itsmyfirstrodeo Thu 28-Mar-19 15:05:08

*Cherrytree59 a beautiful post that honours the passing of your MIL.
My thoughts are with you and your family at this time ?

muffinthemoo Thu 28-Mar-19 17:33:55

cherrytree flowers

notanan2 Thu 28-Mar-19 20:16:21


Annana Fri 29-Mar-19 07:10:03

I couldn't agree more with those who do not wish to have a costly funeral. In fact, I even hate the thought of a MORBID ceremony of a funeral for myself - although I do respect and understand that it is an expression of pain and sadness for other people. I have told my family that I do not want to be remembered in a solemn way because, thank God, I have enjoyed my life and want the tone of my own funeral to express this. I'd rather not have the black limousine and wild flowers would be OK . To end off, a fabulous party with a noisy toast to my memory, or to me up in the clouds, would be just fine. Oh, and I don't mind where I am buried or my ashes are thrown - as long as it's not in water!

Venetia Sat 30-Mar-19 09:28:11

Hello, everyone, Newbie here!
When my father died, my family wanted to really push the boat out for his funeral. Mum was happy to go along with it, but when she read the invoice afterwards, was shocked by how much everything cost, especially the coffin. She had a lot of questions about the cremation, so I looked into it for her. I discovered if you read the bumph, the handles are usually described as "brass effect" and are, in fact, plastic. She also wondered what actually happened during and after the actual cremation, which I managed to find out, to her great satisfaction. ( Shan't talk about it here, but will happily answer any questions I can). She thought spending so much on a coffin which was going to be burnt was a waste of money, so we made sure she had the cheapest one in the catalogue when it was" her turn to go". She did say she would have liked a wicker coffin, but not when she found out the price of them. I'm glad to see most major funeral directors now offer what is called a simple funeral, with no fancy trimmings. Mum would have approved and so do I.