Funeral wishes

You could be talking about me when you say how frugal your MIL is and my wishes are like hers.

I would be quite happy not to even have a funeral but that would be denying my family the right to mourn in a way they may want. So I've left that up to them.

I would go for whatever economies you feel you MIL would approve of, you know her well enough and she trusts you to do it her way.

BlueBelle Funerals have become increasingly elaborate and increasingly expensive not just recently, but over decades and centuries. However, I think it is important to remember when we are planing our own that, although we may be at the centre of the process, funerals are really for our grieving families and friends. They do want to say goodbye – and that is acknowledged as the first healing part of the grieving process – and they do want to acknowledge their love and affection. I think it would be hugely selfish to take away that opportunity.

That said, a lot of people these days are okay with the idea of a simple box or a green "container". A shroud might be a step too far for some, but why don't you talk to your daughter about your feelings and hers?

I have asked for the cheapest and simplest I do not want any fraction of money (not much) left behind to go into the ground I have bought my plot which last 50 years I haven’t yet bought my coffin I looked at the green ones but thought they were expensive too, can I ask you people who already have your coffins sorted (wicker etc) If you ve done it through a funeral plan aren’t the directors still making a lot of money out of you ?
I was thinking of buying a cheap one and keeping it in the spare room?I can get familiar with it see if it’s comfortable ? I like the idea of the woollen one or some other natural material are they expensive? I looked online and they seemed a lot of money A cardboard box or me straight into the ground in a shroud would be fine by me
One daughter will have to do it all as both others live overseas so I would like it all done and dusted now so she doesn’t have much to do (my son will I know hate the thought of putting me in a cheap coffin and might try and persuade her to buy a ‘good’ one
I do want it sorted by me ASAP
Any parties, services etc can be what ever they want I don’t care
I hate funerals they are all show

The arrangements of two funerals for which I was fully responsible had both been organised and paid for in advance by my aunt and my mother, including the choice of coffin, the number of limousines and the purchase/ownership of burial plots. That removed a huge burden from my shoulders. However, they both trusted me to arrange the finer details of the ceremonies and wakes according to family tradition. They both had religious ceremonies and I wrote and spoke the eulogies – I've done it for other family funerals and it is among the hardest tasks I have ever undertaken. I also chose the music that I thought was most appropriate, having been close to both mother and aunt throughout my life.

Making arrangements for my mother's funeral was painful enough but made more difficult by the fact that my father-in-law had died on the same day. Hurtling between bereaved families in London and Darlington was a nightmare, so I really appreciate my mother's forethought. I don't want my daughter to have more headaches than heartaches, so I shall make sure that I have stuff in place.

I have talked to my daughter, who is my registered next of kin and executor of my will, about my funeral and what I would regard as appropriate, which is very simple in terms of a green burial with no religious service. (We are both atheists.) I have no doubt that she will observe my wishes. However, I have left it up to her to decide how she wants to say goodbye and, I truly hope, celebrate her mother's life. I have left it up to her to provide a comforting memory for my grandchildren. If she feels flowers are right, okay; if she feels they're not, okay. After all, funerals are there for the bereaved to say their final goodbyes; the dead are just being tidied away.

I have been a busy and well-organised woman all my life. I am damned if I am going to micro-manage my own funeral.

I organised my Dads when he died very suddenly 25 years ago.Being shown brochures of coffins all with prices on them was a huge surprise I had no idea there were "posh" coffins and cheap ones.I spoke to my sister and we together asked mum what she thought and she said pretty much what you just did ..its a shocking waste of someones hard earned cash .Dad had a cheapish coffin and no nameplate on it..it was being burned so what was the point ?

Our funeral wishes have been left with our solicitor ,our children have cards to contact him for all the details when they need them .Any money we leave wont be spent on a funeral.They both know that now and have agreed to abide by our wishes .Funeral directors make an obscene amount of money from bereaved ,vulnerable people who spend money they dont need to.We have a friend who is a funeral director so know roughly what his income is .Often earned from upselling to people who are in emotional shock .Its immoral in my book .Funerals should be standard to avoid ripping off the bereaved .

My funeral is arranged and my coffin requirements have been indicated, but may yet be open to change. I had chosen a wicker casket, but have now seen a beautiful woollen one that I like very much. I like the idea of having a garland of flowers around the side of a wicker casket, but I'm spoilt for choice as I also like the Pandanus (pineapple leaf) and Seagrass caskets. They're around the £500 mark.

Mum asked me to take her to prearranged her funeral. She chose a wicker coffin with cotton shroud and cremation for the reasons you give. She wanted everything as basic as possible as in her words "I'm gone, I don't need bells and whistles to send me on my way"
I did over ride her when she said no hymns at the service.