Daughter

As you have some contact with a solicitor, I wonder if sending letters via this agency to be given, in person to your grand-children by the lawyer, would ensure they got them?

Just short notes saying how much you love them and think about them - nothing Dad could object to as he will surely read them as well.

Of course you may think this would make things worse.

It truly is a very sad story and I hope you can try to look after yourself and DH now so that when your grand-children do contact you (live in hope ) you are able to enjoy them.

Thank you for all your messages of sympathy and advice. I did send an e-mail to him. Short and sweet just saying 'thank you' and asking him to send our thoughts and love to our grandchildren. That was 3 weeks ago. No response. The Will was done and dusted in 2017. His Solicitors made matters worse between us so I will not be contacting them. When we sent a Solicitor's letter last year he used another Solicitor for his reply to the one dealing with the Will. Pointing out to us that he does not want any contact direct from us. Using Solicitors all the time costs money we do not have. Besides which we have no address or telephone number. My hatred of him knows no bounds and I am probably cutting my nose off to spite my face but I just cannot find forgiveness. I cannot pray I do not believe in God. People say there will be Karma but I fear it will be too late. I just hope that the children will contact us when they are old enough and we are still here. By the way my grandchildren are a boy and a girl not two girls. .

Debo I am really sorry that you have had no response, but you gave it another try so have done your best in what is an absolutely awful situation.
I have no advice. You are rightly angry. However its not good for either you or your husband. If you havnt already done so might it help to talk this through. Perhaps contact compassionate friends who i think help parents who have lost a child. I know this is about your grandchildren but because of all the trouble you have had since she died, you may not have had the chance to properly grieve the tragic loss of your daughter.

silverlinings I am already in touch with Compassionate friends. It is good to speak to others but I haven't met anyone in the same situation as us. It is quite heartbreaking to hear some of the other's situations. I know lots of you have said continue to send cards and gifts but it is so heartbreaking to get them back again. I have stopped sending gifts and we are putting money away for the children at each birthday and christmas in the hope one day we will be able to give it to them. The only address we can send them to is SIL's best friend's mum but we do not know if she gives them to them. I fear she worries to do so will mean SIL will cut her off as well. That is what he is like. I have written to her to say we will continue to send cards to the children at her address until she says stop, that is all we can do because he has sent a Solicitor's letter to tell us not to contact him direct. I chanced e-mailing him. I wouldn't be surprised if he sent another Solicitor's letter telling us once again not to contact him.

It’s so terribly sad. You have done all you can and can only wait and hope that your grandchildren eventually contact you. If they are young it may be a while, so in the meantime I wish you peace. Take time for yourselves, you deserve it, you have been through so much sorrow.