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Scattering ashes

(51 Posts)
millymouge Sat 14-Sep-19 21:03:18

My last sister died suddenly earlier this year. She had asked me and also stated in her Will that her ashes be scattered on the cliffs of the small seaside town where we were all born and brought up. We all had some very happy memories of the place.
I have been told that you cannot do this as it is classed as Council property and also not on the sea shore as it would pollute the water.
The family is planning to go down late one evening next month and hoping no one will be around so we can quietly do this, and say goodbye to her.
Has anyone been in this situation and been able to do it quietly.

Bridgeit Sat 14-Sep-19 21:15:45

Yes I think you would be surprised how many have done this.
However just to forewarn you, which I hope will not upset/ offend you but , Ashes are not as ash like as the term implies. Best wishes.

SirChenjin Sat 14-Sep-19 21:16:40

I’m so sorry for your loss milly

We did it with my mum - I have to say we didn’t even think of checking with the Council and didn’t realise you were supposed to. We just scattered them quietly when there was no-one around - we wouldn’t have wanted to do it in front of other people.

MawB Sat 14-Sep-19 21:18:17

Just do it.
Quietly, privately and with loving memories flowers

Bordersgirl57 Sat 14-Sep-19 21:21:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Luckygirl Sat 14-Sep-19 21:50:51

We have scattered 2 lots of ashes on Dartmoor - we did not ask permission of anyone.

It was very wet on both occasions.

GrandmaKT Sat 14-Sep-19 22:06:40

WE scattered my MIL's ashes in a field in North Wales where my FIL insisted they had first met (none of us had ever heard this story before, and he didn't seem at all sure it was the right village, let alone field!) Anyway, the deed was done respectfully.
Fast forward 5 years and my FIL died. We again made the pilgrimage and again weren't sure of the location or specific tree, but hopefully their ashes managed to mingle.

MissAdventure Sat 14-Sep-19 22:21:38

We scattered my mums ashes into the sea in a little pillow thing which floats then sinks.

My bro in law took a broom, in case she floated back ashore!

Yorksherlass Sat 14-Sep-19 22:28:30

Just do it xx

MiniMoon Sat 14-Sep-19 22:30:36

We scattered my parents ashes on a wooded hill overlooking the town in which they had both lived, and where my mother had been born. The undertaker accompanied us when we scattered my mother's ashes.
My cousins took a little trowel/shovel with them, and dug a hole in which to place their mother's ashes. They made sure they did it when nobody was around.

MissAdventure Sat 14-Sep-19 22:33:19

I know someone whose fathers ashes were scattered at Walthamstow dogs, and her mums at the local mecca bingo grounds. smile

bikergran Sun 15-Sep-19 08:44:59

There are a rules n regs, but lets face it, whos to know.

My dd and I have put some of dh ashes in a little tiny jar and buried them (discreetly) in his mums grave.(I still have the rest of the ashes in a scatter tube in the wardrobe) 5 yrs later.

When my dd goes up to the grave to put flowers and have a quiet moment, she knows part of her dad is there even though he is not buried there.

Hetty58 Sun 15-Sep-19 09:18:31

There was an awful fuss (and police called) when a large family decided to have a loud gathering and scatter ashes on the local green, near the pond. It's a busy place, roads both sides, dog walkers, kids playing and people feeding the ducks and geese. Why on Earth they choose Saturday afternoon I have no idea. They were foreign so maybe it's traditional in their home country.

Done discreetly, at a quiet time (and without polluting waterways) I'm absolutely sure that nobody minds at all.

Fairiesfolly Sun 15-Sep-19 09:45:37

Yes I agree scatter them quietly and discreetly, pick your time. My cousin scattered his mother’s ashes in the River Wharfe at Bolton Abbey. It was where he took her every week for tea. When he died he was also discreetly scattered there with his dear Mum. I’ve never heard of anyone asking permission to scatter ashes. Everyone I know has done it quietly. However my own parents are in the crematorium gardens.

gma Sun 15-Sep-19 09:59:49

A friend of my husband died and as he had lived in The Norfolk broads area he had requested that his ashes to be scattered in the river ant at a place which he had chosen. The only problem was that it had to be done in the depth of winter due to the high volume of tourists at this particular spot in the summer. The date was fixed and a few friends gathered beside the river. But it was exceptionally cold and the only ice free bit of the river was under the bridge. One chap took the ashes in a rowing boat through the thin ice and under the bridge sprinkled the ashes. Only problem was that the local ducks thought that they were being fed! You can imagine the rest......but at least he was well scattered.

callgirl1 Sun 15-Sep-19 11:53:23

We scattered my husband`s ashes in the sea at the edge of the beach at his favourite place on this earth, in Kintyre. I`ve asked that I`m disposed of at the same location. We didn`t ask the council, but did ask the owners of the campsite overlooking the beach, they didn`t mind.

shysal Sun 15-Sep-19 12:31:22

My brother scattered my father's ashes at his favourite spot on the south coast. Unfortunately the wind blew them inland all over a family's picnic. My Dad would have been very amused!

LullyDully Sun 15-Sep-19 13:03:22

Not sure I want my ashes scattered. Certainly wouldn't want them on the mantlepiece. I asked for my parent's ashes to be scattered round the roses in the crematorium.

Auntieflo Sun 15-Sep-19 13:15:14

I have probably told this on here before.
When mum died, she had not left any instructions about her ashes.
She was driven around in the boot of our car for a long time, as she loved an outing!
Then we decided to scatter her ashes in our garden, which she was always happy to be in.
I found it a comfort, knowing that she was nearby, and that she was helping in the garden.

Oopsminty Sun 15-Sep-19 13:18:23

My sister was carrying my father's ashes. Massive back garden. Down some small steps. Sister tripped. Ashes tumbled out of pre opened urn and flew into the pond. Along with my sister. Not the desired resting place. We didn't know whether to laugh or cry. But looking back it's a story my father would have loved so we've got used to it not being quite the solemn occasion intended

grannyticktock Sun 15-Sep-19 14:39:14

"Helping in the garden" - what a lovely thought, Auntieflo!

BlueSapphire Thu 26-Sep-19 09:58:03

Scattered half of DH's ashes from my cruise ship in the summer. The captain had to give permission, which was done at the time of booking, and the chaplain arranged everything.

The other half went in DH's favourite lake in the Lake District. It was done quietly with no-one else around but close family in a very secluded area, and then we went to the pub to toast his memory, which he would definitely have approved of!

Granny23 Thu 26-Sep-19 10:29:58

When I die don't bury me deep
Just shovel me into the compost heap
When I'm well rotted, you can bung
Me onto the garden, in place of dung.

LondonGranny Thu 26-Sep-19 10:36:01

shysal makes a good point. Check the wind direction first.You need permission to bury ashes, but scattering is fine.

DaveAl Thu 03-Oct-19 17:00:42

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