Grieving a child

Have you thought of joining a 'Compassionate Friends' group, Merlot?

Everyone cries at the meetings, for your own loss, and when you hear others' stories.

I'm so sorry that you have had to go through this Grandmax5, and such a shock for you to have found him and such an unexpected death of your much loved son. Time heals grief, and the entire grieving process is documented amongst the medical profession to take around 5 years, so you are still going through the fairly early stages at the moment, and it's quite normal to still feel the way you do at the two year stage, it will become easier given time. I lost my DD after a two year battle with breast cancer 5years ago, but it wasn't a big shock like you suffered, as her death was expected in the end, and we had several months where we followed her' bucket list' and did all the things she ever wanted to do together before it was too late. She was just 36yrs old when she died, and had been married for 3years. She may be gone physically form our lives, but nothing or no one can ever take away the memories we have of her, and sometimes little things happen that remind me that she still lives on within us all, and my other 4 daughters have experienced these feelings too. If ever you need to talk to someone who has been through this, then I'm happy for you to contact me through PM on here, and l will try and help if l can.

I’ve very sorry for your loss. I haven’t lost an adult child. Mine died 35 years ago a few weeks before his 5th birthday . You never get over losing a child you have to find a way to live with it.

Perhaps we could have a thread for bereaved mums, where they can.. support each other?

Would that be wise, or not?

There is sometimes such an ache to have someone listen, really listen to you speaking about your child.

I would read and post MissAdventure ,

Yes, my youngest son hanged himself in 2008, aged 19. Think of and miss him every day.

Well, would you like to start the thread, Annie?
I don't mind doing it, but you're very good at quietly giving support and comforting people.

Bless you all.
I didn’t want to read and retreat.

I hope Anniebach gets you up and running on your own supportive thread. It seems to me it would be a good place to comfort one another and share tales about your much loved children. They must be, understandably and naturally, in your hearts and minds.

They were part of your lives. It would be a safe place to share memories I imagine and remember them. x

I will Miss Adventure, if it helps . But the heading ? What would you like? , it is your caring that thought of it

Annie, you're also better at thinking than me.

Um.. 'bereaved parents support thread'. Bit basic, isn't it?

I too lost my adult son suddenly in 2002, I still miss everything about him, some days more than others, but feel blessed to have had him in my life. Please feel free to pm me if you would like some support

Thank you for your suggestion, MissA, I've googled Compassionate Friends but there doesn't seem to be a group within an hour's drive from here.

I'm not sure I could handle anyone else's tears at the moment. I gave a friend who lost her husband two years ago a lift home from town the other day and we found ourselves chatting without emotion about DD's death. I think it was because I was driving and not looking at her.

We both agreed that the first stage of grief is numbness.

Oh yes, I'm quite thankful for the numbness. I feel it's our minds way of protecting us a bit as it slowly sinks in; like a drip feed.

Sometimes it feels right to talk to someone about it, and at others it's too difficult.

It must be a tiny step towards managing to live with the pain, though. Glad you were able to speak about it.

Talking can be difficult but it is needed

I have no idea, does having a partner/husband help because
you can talk about your child to them ?

Grandmax5 so very sorry for your loss. Sadly I lost my son in exactly the same circumstances as you and it will be 4 years soon. I don't think we ever get over the shock of seeing a healthy man one day only to find him gone the next. The trauma of that day never goes away, you just learn not to dwell on it for the sake of your own sanity. The only comfort I find is that he didn't suffer at all, he just went to sleep and didn't wake. He was our only child so we have no one now.

We find it very difficult to talk to eachother, Annie. DH bottles things up and if I get tearful he quickly changes the subject or just says, 'Don't upset yourself.'

I don't mind though because it's his grief as well.

It always strikes me how unbearably sad others' stories are, and it does help in some way.
I'm sorry for your loss, nancylou

I think you're right, because I have times when I feel I have lost my mind with grief, and it's so exhausting.

So sorry, nancylou.

I know I shouldnt have opened this thread......my heart is aching for all you sweet, grieving Mothers......my thoughts are with you and anyone who is grieving over the loss of a loved one. ❤️

A friend lost her son at 15y of age and she said what made it harder was when she wanted to talk about him her husband didn’t and vice versa. For a long time she said they were ‘no use really’ to one another. It was unbearably sad but she said time sort of heals. Our children were the same age. Our daughter is 40y now and I find it hard to think she missed all those years with him.

She found little things upset her like driving around the town where they lived (they never moved) and remembering ‘such and such’ happened ‘on that corner’ or in that sports club. She would drive and wail.

It's fine, crazy, honestly.
Its quite a relief to be able to 'say' these things, get them out, and then continue on the path of acceptance. The path with no end, I think.

Me too crazy I think I’ll butt out now as I don’t want to intrude.

I hope all you lovely ladies can use this safe space to share and comfort one another and I sincerely hope it brings a degree of solace. It must be nice to open up about the love you all had for your children and to perhaps share some memories too going forward.

My sincere condolences to you all. x

MissAdventure a path with no end is exactly right. Might that work as a title for your new thread? So many of you on this thread bearing so much sadness, my heart goes out to you all. xx

Thank you merlot I hope my question wasn’t insensitive,
I have held the thought for two years that if my husband had lived I wouldn’t be so alone to cope when my daughter died two years ago, I was wrong , he would be grieving to. I can let that thought go now, and in honesty sometimes anger for my
husband for dying in a car crash and leaving us, so silly, he didn’t choose to die.
Thank you Urmstongran I so understand your friend , I am still avoiding the bridge.