Grieving a child

So sorry nancylou x

Not insensitive at all, Annie

Although DH finds it hard to talk he has started reaching for my hand and giving it a squeeze as I walk by and readily agrees when I say I can't face something like catching up with friends we haven't seen for ages. They mean well but I'm not ready yet.

His birthday at the beginning of January was always a happy evening with DD and the DGSs. We'd get a Chinese takeaway and then play a board game while the boys helped Grandpa drink his favourite malt whisky which they always bought him. Because they lived on the same property there was much giggling as they staggered back home.

Just three weeks later she collapsed in pain and our world changed.

This year we went out for lunch and watched a film in the evening. It was enough.

Like Crazy, I shouldn't have opened this one. I feel as though I've stepped into a pool of grief that I have no right to be in. My heart is breaking for all the mothers on here with empty arms. Thinking of you all

This thread has opened up lots of feeling and pain, maybe not in a bad way though. Thank you all for posting and my heart goes out to you all who have suffered loss.
This is my son Gordon. Missed every day, loved forever.

Thank you for sharing Gordon’s photograph with us Grandmax.

I understand what you mean ‘you can’t get your head around
it’ , i know my daughter is dead but it doesn’t seem possible that she can be. X

It’s just too much to take in Anniebach sending you love ?

It is Grandmax please post when ever you need to talk,
sending you love x

Hi; this is my first post and I like you live with child loss, I have had to take a deep breath to write this and won’t get through it without sobbing. My eldest daughter died 3/12/2018 she was 36 yrs old she had been sent home from hospital with pneumonia on the 30/11/18 and just died on the settee watching tv !
In the first year all I though about was killing myself to be with her, it’s the thought of never seeing her or speaking to her touching her it’s just not the natural order you never ever think it will happen to you and when it does it’s like somebody throwing a hand grenade in the middle of a happy family and nobody comes out of it unscarred and we are all damaged forever . My grandkids have no mum they were 12 and 9 yrs at the time of her death we have always been a close family and her ex husband has never stopped us seeing the kids so we didn’t have that to deal with, but this is it ! I have live my life without her they say it gets lighter but grief is now a companion of mine and we go everywhere together. I have started going to Compassinate Friends now where Empathy is found and crying and heartbrokenness is understood.

Poppy I understand, others here do to , my beloved daughter , my best friend , died 2/11/2018 , It is the darkest place we can be in isn’t it ?

One thing I know, if she hadn’t been born i would have not
known her love, her laughter , the joy she brought into my
life .

I wish I could put my arms around you x

I can't add anything to what has been said already. My heart goes out to you all and hope you find peace and a measure of contentment in your lives.

Poppy I am so sorry you have lost your precious daughter. Sadly there are many of us who understand your pain.
My daughter was 36 and it is now 18 months. For the first 12 months I felt grief as a tight mask smothering me. Now I feel it generally sits on my shoulder as a companion. Sometimes it slips across from my shoulder to be a mask again. I too just wanted (still do sometimes) to be with her.
Annie is right, however, without them we would have missed out on the joy they gave us. It truly was a gift.
Do post here; it really helped me in those early dark days. Compassionate Friends has been helpful too and I now feel that I too can help others.
Sue Ryder has a forum for bereaved parents.
Sending you and all those that are feeling this way love and peace. Xxx

Hugs Bikerhiker

Hi Grandmax5, I am also a bereaved mother. My daughter took her own life 13 years ago at the age of 24. I'm still grieving but I'm learning to live with it. Dealing with unanswered questions and 'what ifs' is very difficult.

Various people and orgaisations have been helpful over the years but close family never talked about her unless I brought the subject up. I wish GN had been around years ago - I've had lots of support on here.

It's 26 years since we lost our 18 yr old youngest son.You never get over it,you just get used to it.If I dwell too much I can still cry buckets.I still love and miss him.

Hi everyone, I’m very sad to say that I belong in the bereaved mums club too. I lost my youngest son Ben last year. He battled bravely with a huge cancer and actually finished his chemo. He was due to have 4 weeks off then face a huge surgery. Unfortunately he got pneumonia and subsequently sepsis and very sadly died on the 2nd of April. Leaving a completely devastated family including his 8 month old son.
I know my life has changed forever and I will never get over losing my boy who was so good, kind and caring.
I am being helped by one of the ‘Compassionate friends’ by email as there are no groups near me. Just exchanging words with someone who truly understands makes you feel at least less alone. My heart goes out to all who are suffering through bereavement.

Thank you Annie hugs to you too. X
It is a tough journey we all travel. I don't believe we get over it either mojoman. In many ways what sort of a parent would we be if we could? I think it becomes a precious part of us. Hopefully it becomes more manageable and we can find peace. We have to try because the one thing that would make this right is not available; it is surely impossible to sustain such a level of grieving.
I did a mindfulness course where I learned to sort of sit in the middle of the grief, not try to avoid it, just feel it. Afterwards I felt strangely closer to my daughter in a calm way. Take care all of you. X

Grandmax5 I’m so so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine your pain at losing your Son. I don’t think I could ever recover If I lost my Son. My heart aches for you, ?

Hello to everyone who has recently joined this thread. I hope sharing on here helps in whatever way.

We cling to any positives that come our way like a life raft. We have two close family members running marathons in April in DD1's memory. Her sister, DD2 is running in London and her cousin in Paris. Between them they are raising money for the Hospice which took such good care of our daughter at the end of her life and Cancer Research UK. We are so touched and watching the donations flooding in from far and wide gives us a feeling of great pride that she was so loved.

Grandmax5 I’m very sorry for your loss . Losing a child is like no other bereavement and is devastating, you do feel you are going mad.

I lost my son as a child just before his 5 th birthday. This month he would have been 40. It seems harder again this year as we would have thrown a big party for him. It is 35 years ago and although I still have a good life I will never stop missing him. At his funeral one of our local vicars read out this poem and I hope you find comfort from it as I did

I’ll lend you for a little while, a child of mine God said
For you to love the while he lives
And mourn for when he’s dead
It may be 6 or 7 years or 42 or 3
But will you, till I call him back
Take care of him for me
He’ll bring his charms to gladden you, and should his stay be brief
You’ll always have your memories, as a solace in your grief
I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return
But there are lessons taught below
I want this child to learn
I’ve looked the whole world over, in my search for teachers true
And from the folk who crowd life’s lane
I have chosen you
Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labour vain
Nor hate me when I come to take, this lent child back again
I fancy that I heard them say
Dear God thy will be done
For all the joys this child will bring , the risk of grief we’ll run
We’ll shelter him with tenderness
We’ll love him whilst we may
And for all the happiness we’ve known, forever grateful stay
But should the angels call him, much sooner than we planned
We’ll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand

My son was very special , I’m sure yours was too. I’m so glad that I had him for that time to love rather than not at all. Unfortunately grief is the price we pay for love .

Take care I feel for you very much.

My heart goes out to all on this thread. Thinking about you all

TwiceAsNice that beautiful poem could have been written for Jesus's mother Mary x

V3ra it certainly could. How did she bear watching him die on the cross . I’m not sure how I managed to watch my son die either but you bear terrible things when you have no choice. God bless all grans on here that have lost their children, we belong to a club nobody wants to join

Mary was told ‘a sword will pierce your side’, when Christ was
crucified his side was pierced by a sword, that for me shows show the love of a mother for her child, his/her pain is the
Mothers pain.

My husband died young, I remember thinking nothing can ever cause me such pain again, I was wrong, my daughters death caused even deeper pain.

A lady at our over 50s club lost 2 adult sons in 3 years.. She is a broken woman, but her neighbour brings her to the club, where she finds company and support.
Grandma how do you, Anniebach, MissA and all others who have lost children, how.do you face each day? God give you strength

Thank you crazyH he does!