Disapproval of what I'm doing

Everybody greaves differently. It's ok to greaves in your own time. When someone is I'll fir a long time it affects us all in different ways.
Your daughter having cancer took your focus away from the death of your husband, understandably.
On the other subject what do they disapprove of? And their disapproval says more about them than you. Well done for doing something you enjoy that supports others at the same time. ??????

What have your friends got to disapprove about? You are doing what is right for you and making a great job of it, by the sound of things. It's your life, not theirs.

Quite frankly, it is nobody's business but yours as to how you deal with your grief - I thought that the times when we were expected to wear widows weeds for 12 months had long gone!
You are dealing with your life in the best way that you know how.
I am not sure what volunteering remotely involves, but I have always found that if you are doing something for someone else, it helps very much with any problems you have, and puts it in its place!
Carry on doing what feels right for you.

TillyWhizz - you have had thought time’s to go through - anticipatory grief followed by your husband’s death and then your daughter’s cancer - that it from me as a bereavement counsellor that you are unique in your own circumstances - you don’t have to cry but if you want to cry buckets that’s also OK - your own identity changed when your husband died and although it might not feel like it you are gradually finding a slightly different one that just happens to include volunteering - there’s nobody on this earth who has the right to disapprove, criticise or prescribe your behaviour - those who try are not true friends - they just want you to remain as you were without helping you to build resilience by doing something that gives you satisfaction - well done for helping others during lockdown - and accept this as part of the way you are dealing with your own grief - you don’t have to go around wearing sackcloth and ashes but you can if you want. Good luck.

You are familiar with terms like anticipatory grief so I assume you have done a lot of reading about grief, the grief cycle etc.
As others have said, do what is right for you.
If you need help later to deal with any residual grief, there is plenty professional help out there both private or voluntary organizations. Whatever feels right for you probably will be. Trust your instinct. However please don't be too proud to ask if you need help.

I can’t understand why anyone would disapprove of you doing this. Ignore them and carry on I say.

well it help to sort and sift; don't bother with these people.
they are numpties.

TillyWhiz, I think you should be applauded for helping out at this very difficult time.

If it helps you, you have nothing to feel bad about. Everyone grieves differently.

You had your husband ill, then had his death to deal with. On top of that, you've been supporting your daughter through cancer. The Covid-19 had affected everything, too.

Good on you for helping others. As for your so-called friends not approving, I'd say "Sod them", don't bother about their opinions. They can't be very nice people if they judge you like that.

Hello Tilly, you've had so much to deal with and like a previous poster, you've likely done your mourning before your husband passed away. Given your daughter has been your latter focal point perhaps your grieving has been sidelined a little too? No matter, we all grieve differently & there's no text book case to follow.
Meanwhile, tell your "friends" as nicely as possible of course, to mind their own business. Do you pass comments about what they do with their lives? Probably not. It sounds like you are offering a lovely kind humanitarian service and are to be applauded for it, not shut down my miseries. Ignore the naysayers, you've been through enough and now is your time. Enjoy it!

Well done - it is often in helping others that we can help ourselves. Grief and the ways in which we work through it is different for all of us. There is no right or wrong but I would suggest that your experience of dealing with your husband's long illness will enable you to have empathy for others. I am sure your daughter, despite her own illness, is proud of what you are doing.

Do what you feel is best for you. Real friends will be pleased for you. There is no set way to grieve or deal with grief.

Tilly. Your husband died not long ago, maybe you havnt cried about him because he was ill for so long and you did your mourning then. Its your daughter, where your focus has understandably been. I do understand and hope she is ok.

Do whatever makes you happy. No need to worry about why some of your friends’ husbands think as they do. It doesn’t really matter does it?

If they were your friends they would be pleased for you doing something you enjoy.

They sound like they think they know what is best for you,they do not.