Golden Wedding

Sending hugs Luckygirl, I found every landmark occasion painful.

I am so sorry luckygirl! I can't imagine what you are going through.

Like Polnan we don't make much of birthdays and Anniversaries but obviously and quite understandably many people do
I wondered whether it might be an idea to take yourself off somewhere ,Lucky Girl
Treat yourself ,by yourself .
Do what a you want to do.
Don't involve friends or family who may be over protective of you which possibly you could find overpowering.
That may be a crass suggestion
Here is another one.
Have you one really friend or family member who you get on with better than anyone else and who seems to understand you ?
If so then go somewhere with her or him.

We are all different and I would hate being with a lot or even several people on a Special Day.

Whatever happens I will be thinking of you on Wednesday and hope things do work out as well as you can expect.
I have never posted a topic on this website but wonder when questions are posed or help requested ,there is any feedback which could be helpful to other bloggers in the future .
All the best Lucky Girl.

Luckygirl no words of wisdom but sincere condolences and I will be thinking of you on Wednesday.

Luckygirl This helped me when dealing with grief. I hope it might give you some comfort. It's a bit long but I think worth the read.

Some advice from a man named G Snow:

Alright, here goes. I’m old. What that means is that I’ve survived (so far) and a lot of people I’ve known and loved did not. I’ve lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, dad, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can’t imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here’s my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter”. I don’t want it to be something that just passes.

My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.

As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function.

You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall, or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.

I'll be thinking of you on Wednesday. Hang on in their

So so sorry you are in pain over what should be a joyous occasion. Will be thinking of you. X

Others have said it all take care ?

? and a hug, Luckygirl.

Sending you love, hugs and ?? Polnan. There really is no advice anyone can give you as everyone grieves so differently. I am sure that you yourself grieve differently ever day, don't you. In the 26 years since my DH was killed in a road accident I have been through every anniversary you can think of and I've made every mistake you can think of as well. And over the years I have also experienced joy and happiness again too, in spite of there always being that underlying feeling that 'something is missing'. Everyone who has been widowed feels that there is nothing left to live for, no matter how young or old and I understand that feeling you have. At my darkest times I would tell myself just to get through the next five minutes, and then tell myself 'See. You did it.' then move on to the next five. Or I'd take myself off for a stomp, no matter where, just to get through the next bit of day. We all find our own way of getting through. It's difficult to find positives when we're grieving, but every now and again (especially on Wednesday) try to give yourself a gentle nudge and remind yourself how lucky you both were to have had such a long time together and love yourself as that lovely man loved you. ❣️❣️

I'm so sorry, my post should have been addressed to Luckygirl as well as Polnan - but really to anyone who is fighting through that awful first year of grief, with all it's 'firsts'.

For luckygirl and all of the bereaved on GN .. hugs and ???

Sending hugs to you. Be kind to yourself and as others have said, it's ok not to be ok. Xxxx

POLNAN your post made me so very sad, that you feel you have nothing to live for. Sending you lots of love

Not a widow, so the grief I have lived through is a completely different matter, but perhaps Wednesday will be easier than you think because you are so sad at its approach.

Don't try to force yourself, if you would rather crawl under the covers on Wednesday morning and stay there, do so, but promise me you get up on Thursday and do something nice for yourself - big or little, it doesn't matter what.

I lost my sister four and a half years ago, and her birthday causes me pain each year, but it does lessen and you remember more of the good times as time goes on.

Big hug. Meet one of his/your friends at a pub lunch and remember him.

I will be thinking about you on Wednesday. So sorry for you and hope that each day makes you a little stronger. Sending you a great big hug

So very sorry for your loss Luckygirl. Be gentle on yourself and try to think on a happy memory every day!

Didn't know what to do on my first 'celebration' date but knew I had to do something. Well.... ended up in a gigantic bingo hall. Never knew the rules or been there before but I was compelled to do something different which included lots of people (strangers). It kind of worked in that I got through but I arrived home to one son sitting in the house with a rose in his hand. He didn't know what to do either. Oh yesssss.. It's certainly not better now; just different. We soldier on in respect to his memory and we know he wouldn't want us to be sad. Jeepers, it's hard.

I have nothing useful to add, but I send kindest thoughts to you Luckygirl and to all the kind people who have shared their own similar 'stories' on this thread

So very sorry, Luckygirl. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through. I wish I could offer some words of consolation and just wanted you to know that I will think about you. It won’t be an easy day on Wednesday, or indeed any day, but try to think of the wonderful memories you and your late husband made together. I hope that doesn’t sound glib, it’s the very last thing I intend. Sending you a virtual hug.

I was widowed 29 years ago in June. I’ve rebuilt my life but the anniversary is still so hard and June, which is a beautiful month is always a difficult one for me. I can only say that it’s possible to find happiness in small things, even if only for a short time. Be kind to yourself and be proud of who you are. Day by day you will get through.

Lucky girl, love and hugs to you and will be thinking of you. You have had a lovely life with your husband by the sounds of it and it is early days. Just cling on to those good times, the memories and laugh and cry with those you love and who love you.

You can disagree with me or call me bonkers but I’ve spent a lot of time around spiritual teachers, and have written my dreams for 30 years and had a lot of odd experiences. IMHO I think we would be more surprised by how close people are after they have passed than how far they’ve gone. The fact your husband refuses to believe he’s ‘dead’ just tells me he isn’t and that just because we can’t see into that spiritual dimension ( although some do) we think it doesn’t exist. That’s like saying because you haven’t been to China it doesn’t exist. I’d try to do something you both enjoyed and when no ones looking have a chat lol .

I was widowed 22 years ago and my daughter and I have always marked what would have been celebrations by doing something nice, like a lunch out or, when the DGC arrived, a trip to the beach or similar with them. I do still feel sad when the day he died arrives around each year, doesn't help that it falls in the same month as my birthday, but doing something nice does help a great deal. Sending hugs and hoping you manage to find a way to make the day bearable if not enjoyable

Hoping for strength for you, wishing for love and kindness for you and, most of all sending you hope - that you will get through your anniversary, feeling closer to your darling on that day and that you'll slowly begin to find some peace in your broken heart.