No funeral / Direct cremation

Additionally you could set up a remembrance page online for people to place memories of your dad on.

DH and I have said when our time comes we dont want anything at all except the cremation. When we first said that there were cries of horror all round and only one company who did it - Simplicity. We now find that most funeral directors offer this service.

My H died last year, we had both decided that we didn’t want a funeral.
He was cremated with no one there at all.
The only people who were silent (sniffy) were a couple of friends and a couple of neighbours.
I explained to others , in the hope it got back to them that everyone who loved him and who he loved had said their goodbyes to him in the days before he died.
That was far more important to me.
I used a local undertaker and it was the local crematorium.
I have his ashes here at home with me and they will be mixed with mine when the time comes and scattered in places we specified.
I have never regretted my decision.

My uncle had said that he wanted no mourners at his funeral, he just wanted to be taken to the crematorium, no one else to be there or he would come back and haunt us! Well, sadly he passed away at the end of May aged 93. Our local undertakers were brilliant. We did have a small celebration of his life, only 6 mourners but the funeral was his life with his interests at the heart of it. Flowers out of our garden. A roulette wheel was spun (landing on one of his favourite numbers) orchestral music during the committal (no singing!) and big band dance music played at the end. I think he would have been happy, well, he must have been as I haven’t seen him yet!

My neighbours husband passed away from cancer a couple of years ago, he left instructions for no mourners at the crematorium and no wake but the family were to sit at the table drinking wine at the time of the funeral. This they did.

Funerals are very difficult, my own feeling is that it is what you do for the people when they are with us not how many tears are shed at the funeral, it is too late then. Once our loved ones pass their energy goes elsewhere, it surrounds us leaving an empty box as a visual reminder. Funerals are meant to bring closure but they seem strained to me.

i had a cancer operation 2 years ago, i told my son if anything went wrong this is what i wanted, a few family and friends said it was cruel as people need closure, as far as i was concerned the only person i had to think of was my son, i saw what his dads funeral did to him, my SIL took over and had a cremation and service that my late husband did not want, she is/was a minister and my husband was an athiest, even the music he had picked was unsuitable for her, i said to my son to celebrate my life any way he wants to with his family as that would make me happy x

I was pleased you mentioned that fact Ayse as people rarely do.

ayse

I’m thinking this might be the best plan. My family know where I want my ashes scattered and I’d much rather they had a get together as a remembrance thing when they are ready. I will have to consult with them before making arrangements. After all a funeral etc. is really for the living.

Yes it is! It’s entirely for the living so you do need to check with family members.

Yes my dad always said he didn’t want mourners at his funeral, bless him he didn’t see the point of us all sat there weeping. He went straight from the chapel of rest to the crematorium, he was blessed there. We received his ashes and he was buried in a family grave with close family there. This was a long time ago, he must have been very forward thinking as it seems to becoming more popular, it’s what my mum and me also want. Hope you get what you want , ours was done by the local undertaker no questions asked.

I’m thinking this might be the best plan. My family know where I want my ashes scattered and I’d much rather they had a get together as a remembrance thing when they are ready. I will have to consult with them before making arrangements. After all a funeral etc. is really for the living.

My neighbour lost her father just when lockdown happened. No-one was permitted to go to the funeral - he was cremated straight from hospital due to Covid.

We used Pure Cremation for my mother in law a few years ago. There had been family issues, she had left no instructions, nobody in the family is religious. It worked well, the company were easy to deal with and very efficient.
Only issue for us was that her brother and one of the grandchildren (adult) objected & got pretty angry about the lack of a "proper funeral" and the fact that they "couldn't pay their respects". Neither of these people had visited her for years.
I totally recommend Pure Cremation and we have both decided that this is the method that we want. There are other companies that do direct cremation and I think the Co Operative Funeral Service do a similar thing, called Cremation Without Service.
I was concerned that we were dealing with people who were not local, but it was absolutely fine.

Thank you for all comments which are very re-assuring.
Will follow up all suggestions.

That's the way we're planning to have our shells disposed of. We don't see the point of an ridiculously expensive 'send off'. It just causes financial grief on top of everything else.

Same here Hetty.

I booked myself in (prepaid) with Pure Cremation last year. (I'm not going yet, though, if I can help it.)

It's a weight off my mind and my friends and kids can have a little do if they want, when they scatter my ashes.

They are real funeral directors and have a crematorium, or they use a local one.

They just do (usually) unaccompanied cremations, then return the ashes to the next of kin. It's a very practical, sensible arrangement right now.

(If I were 96, I'd refuse surgery too.)

We used the Coop.

My sister+in-law’s mother (also 96) was cremated with no ceremony whatsoever. They used a company called, I think, Simplicity Cremations. Google them and see whether that’s what you have in mind.

Yes, we did this. With a son abroad there was no way even immediate family could attend my husband’s funeral. The cost was about £800. In the present climate I think it really worked well for us.