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Bereavement

Weird experience today

(70 Posts)
Esspee Mon 08-Feb-21 15:04:02

A friend Isobel died recently and her funeral was today. Three of us used to work together and had kept in touch, meeting up a couple of times a year.

We tended to meet up at a central location. Isobel always had her husband drop her off as she was very bad at directions and a nervous driver. I always picked up the other friend as she doesn’t have access to a car and I am a very confident driver.

Today I left home to pick up the friend without a car to go to the funeral. I was listening to a discussion on the radio and completely missed the turnoff I should have taken. I was left with no alternative but to cross the river, take the first turnoff, circle round the block, recross the river, before circling back to take the correct road.

In explaining my detour we both realised at the same time that this was the sort of thing Isobel might have done and that I had in fact done a tight circuit round our old place of work.
Can’t help but wonder if that was Isobel having a laugh with us?

crazyH Mon 08-Feb-21 15:11:40

Yes I’m sure it was Isobel - her time to laugh at you (my best friend was also called Isabel) - loved her to bits - still miss her ❤️

keepingquiet Mon 08-Feb-21 15:15:23

Sorry about the loss of your friend. It sounds as if maybe you were meant to do what you did and raise a smile and a nice memory.
A few years ago we lost my mum. It is a tradition in the Catholic church that bodies are 'received' into church the night before the funeral. I lived a distance away and was travelling on the motorway with my daughter so we could be there for her reception. The motorway was very slow due to an accident and I was frustrated that we would be late.
My daughter took out her satnav and suggested we take a detour. I was sceptical but we left the motorway and took the diversion.
This diversion took us right past the village where mum had been born, and so I decided we would go there and stand outside the village pub where we used to take mum for lunch. Imagine the surprise when the cortege came around the corner and my daughter and I were standing at the roadside waving as they went past!
Sometimes these things are just meant to be!
We also made it to the church.

Esspee Mon 08-Feb-21 15:46:05

I am wondering whether to tell her family. What do you think?

Peasblossom Mon 08-Feb-21 16:00:23

Not yet. Maybe one day. But not yet.

The message, if there was one, was for you.

Santana Tue 09-Feb-21 07:21:19

I lost a work colleague a few years ago and had a arranged to take a car full of friends to the funeral as I was familiar with the location of the chapel.
He was a true Yorkshire gent, with many a story to tell, and we had an easy banter over all the ones I didn't believe.
The night before the funeral I dreamt of him standing on the chapel steps, smiling broadly.
No surprise then that when we arrived, there was nobody else there as I had the wrong venue. Can see why he was so amused now!

Sadgrandma Tue 09-Feb-21 10:23:54

Some years ago I went with a group of friends to see an amateur performance of the Full Monty and we were all a bit surprised when they actually did the Full Monty at the end! A few months later I sadly attended the funeral of one of my work colleagues who had worked in the office next to me. We had become quite friendly and often chatted about shared interests, one being amateur dramatics. At the funeral a close friend of the deceased stood up to make the eulogy and I struggled to think where I had seen him before. It wasn’t until he mentioned that he and the deceased had belonged to the same drama group for many years that I suddenly realised where I had seen him before. Of course I hadn’t recognised him with his clothes on!

Sadgrandma Tue 09-Feb-21 10:32:49

Addition to my previous post - I like to think that my late friend would have found the whole thing funny as he had a great sense of humour.

red1 Tue 09-Feb-21 10:36:56

My mother was on her death bed in hospital, during this time i kept a candle lit for her.The morning came for the dreaded call off the hospital saying my mother did not have long left to live.As i left home for the hospital i blew the candle out.My mum had passed when i arrived at the hospital.
When i returned home ,the candle was lit..... spooky

polnan Tue 09-Feb-21 10:39:12

my mum has been dead nearly 50 years now, and I still hear her guiding/telling me... have done over the years...

georgia101 Tue 09-Feb-21 10:48:39

When mum was in hospital we looked after her little dog, and she slept on our bed as she had done this at home. One night she got off the bed and started to pace around the room and whine, which she never had done before. A few hours later we had a call from the hospital to say mum had passed away unexpectedly in the night. We're sure mum had come to say goodbye to us all, or Tasha had sensed her passing.

Riggie Tue 09-Feb-21 10:49:06

I was listening to a discussion on the radio and completely missed the turnoff I should have taken

You were not paying sufficient attention to where you were going. I suggest you leave the radio off and concentrate on driving safely.

ReadyMeals Tue 09-Feb-21 10:49:08

It's nice to think your friend is still with you, and I do believe in the paranormal. But in this case the chances are it was just as likely to have been caused by your own psychological associations at the time. I hope she'll be able to give you a sign some time that is clearer - if that's what you'd like.

Soroptimum Tue 09-Feb-21 10:59:36

Riggie

*I was listening to a discussion on the radio and completely missed the turnoff I should have taken*

You were not paying sufficient attention to where you were going. I suggest you leave the radio off and concentrate on driving safely.

Did you actually think how hurtful that comment could be?

Molly10 Tue 09-Feb-21 11:03:11

Yes, I believe it was a connection to your late friend. I would probably not say anything to the family though at this stage.

Many years ago we lost a work colleague called Kathy to cancer just prior to Christmas. I had not been at the company as long as those who were really close to her but still knew her and she was lovely and we chatted whenever our work paths crossed. A day or two later there was a Christmas card pushed through my letter box from Kathy. I got a real shock and wondered whether it was from her as I didn't, at the time know any Kathy's spelled that way. I relayed my thoughts to her close friends at work and they were quite adamant it would not have been from her, not least because they had not received one. I was unsettled by it and felt a bit awful that I had mentioned it. Well, a good while later, maybe even a year or so, I heard someone call my name in a large department store turned around and saw the assistant at the counter who I recognised from the end of my street as we occasionally used to have a chat. She had moved in the previous months so was updating me on how things were going etc and when I was due to go I said it was lovely having a catchup and rather awkwardly said I was terrible with names to which she prompted me: Kathy.

So much fell in to place at the moment. Sometimes there are reasons things happen a certain way.

sunnybean60 Tue 09-Feb-21 11:05:31

My dad waited until my sister arrived some distance and we sat beside his bed to hold his hand and then he slipped away. It was peaceful and in its way a privilege too as I'm sure that's what dad would have wanted.

Dottynan Tue 09-Feb-21 11:08:49

Riggie; Comment wasn't needed

Anneeba Tue 09-Feb-21 11:16:00

Riggie, missing a turning does not equate with driving dangerously. Suggest you dismount your high horse and pop it back in its stable.

GreyKnitter Tue 09-Feb-21 11:20:49

Some lovely memories on here. I agree with others - especially on a sensitive post like this - Riggie - if you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all!

Patticake123 Tue 09-Feb-21 11:26:27

My father was a very impatient driver and rather than sit in a queue of traffic he would try one of his ‘short cuts’. These generally took a lot longer than sitting and waiting in the queue. On the day of his funeral the hearse and followers were caught in a traffic hold up and in danger of missing the allotted service time. Next thing we knew we followed the coffin on one of Dad’s short cuts. It certainly lightened the mood as we laughed and reminisced about Dad and his driving.

Aepgirl Tue 09-Feb-21 11:33:05

Certainly was Isobel!

Georgesgran Tue 09-Feb-21 11:35:19

Some years ago my friend’s brother died quite young 47. He had a huge funeral and during part of it, his father was particularly moved and bowed his head. His grandson, sitting behind leaned forward and laid his hand on the old man’s shoulder. A couple of days later, as the family talked about things - the old man said that when the eulogy was being given he’d felt his deceased son touch his shoulder. To the day he died, his family let him believe that and never told him what really happened. He got great comfort from it and told the story many times.

Knittynatter Tue 09-Feb-21 11:42:16

Georgesgran

Some years ago my friend’s brother died quite young 47. He had a huge funeral and during part of it, his father was particularly moved and bowed his head. His grandson, sitting behind leaned forward and laid his hand on the old man’s shoulder. A couple of days later, as the family talked about things - the old man said that when the eulogy was being given he’d felt his deceased son touch his shoulder. To the day he died, his family let him believe that and never told him what really happened. He got great comfort from it and told the story many times.

That is a lovely story. How very kind of the family 💝

TrendyNannie6 Tue 09-Feb-21 11:45:45

When the hearse turned up to our house carrying my lovely mum, I straight away noticed as we stood at the back just looking at the coffin that the hearse number plate was CRS 1 my mum was CHRIS

Mapleleaf Tue 09-Feb-21 11:45:54

You know, Riggie, it seems quite possible that Esspee had the funeral on her mind as that is where she was going, and that may have contributed to the missed turn, too. We shouldn't be too quick to judge. I understand your point about distractions when driving, but really, I don't think this thread is the one to bring it up.