special days

The “special days” can be hard and I find the lead up to them particularly sad, but I am just as easily knocked sideways by a simple little memory or occurrence on a perfectly ordinary day. Perhaps seeing an older couple hand in hand at the supermarket, or a grandfather with his little grandchildren- things like these can really stick the knife on and take my breath away. This is the reality of bereavement and nobody can prepare you for it.

I find it hard that friends seem to think you have "got over it". They see me bashing on from day to day and trying to establish some sort of normality - but they simply do not know the misery that descends like a black cloud sometimes. Last evening I was part of a zoom quiz - I do not think anyone would have known how I was fighting back tears all the way through - questions arise that I know my OH would have been able to answer in a flash and it just all hits me like a brick. No-one sees this, because I make sure they don't.

But my dear girls know......they are my rock.

Yes Maw. The sudden out of the blue moment which catches you off guard. So many. I watch Escape to the Country and without fail, seeing the husband usher the wife through the door with his hand at her back, instantly reduces me to a snivelling mess. Seeing my neighbours all dressed up and off down the path out to dinner, hearing friends discuss their planned weekend away in Cornwall or just a couple discussing the merits of plaice v cod in the supermarket. I want my husband back to do all this ?

Indeed Marmight - small things that screw the knife.

So much love and support on here , thank you all . I have had a busy weekend with visits from family but still felt a bit lost last night missing DH on Father’s Day even though it wasn’t really celebrated in this house ! DH thought it was just commercial humbug ?

The special days must be so hard, I haven’t experienced this on a personal level, but through three friends who all lost their DH’s in the last two years.They say they still feel ‘adrift’ in general and so very sad on special days.When you have had a long marriage it’s especially difficult.It won’t ever go away but will become less painful as the years go on hopefully.