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Bereavement

Bereaved at Christmas

(36 Posts)
Helen657 Mon 13-Dec-21 11:51:26

So sorry for your losses.
As other people have said, do what is right for the two of you. It is tricky if children are involved as you need to balance your grief with their anticipation/excitement of Christmas.
I lost my 12 year old daughter on 15/12 several years ago (funeral 22/12), we also had a 10 year old. DD had already trimmed up (she loved Xmas), and we had to just take it a day at a time.
Both broke my heart & made me smile when DS excitedly opening his presents said “best Xmas ever” then looked horrified on realising what he’d said. We told him DD would want him to be happy.

Make time for yourselves and you’ll get through xx

kathsue Mon 13-Dec-21 11:49:59

So sorry for your losses. flowers YANBU. Losing a loved one at Christmas adds an extra layer of pain and grief.
My DD died just before Christmas 15 yrs ago. We left the decorations up for GS but couldn't face the Christmas dinner or all the "jollity".
Allow yourselves time to grieve.

silverlining48 Mon 13-Dec-21 11:39:12

A double blow, and a shock. Do what you feel you want .to do and if that is nothing then that is ok too. I am so sorry.
Wishing you a gentle Christmas.

jaylucy Mon 13-Dec-21 11:38:16

Very sorry for your loss.
I don't think you are being unreasonable about not wanting to celebrate Christmas this year.
I think that you will find that there are many people that are in the same situation over the first year that a family member will be missing.
You will probably be feeling a little numb at the moment so perhaps decide to just get together with your remaining family and have a nice meal on Christmas Day, while raising a glass to their memory.
The tinsel and trimmings can wait for future years , but I always think it's nice to light a candle for those that have passed on.

crazyH Mon 13-Dec-21 11:35:08

Oh so sad …condolences to you, your partner and all the family.
YANBU. However, are there very young children in the family?
If there are, it’s a different matter. It will be hard to explain to them. But the decision is yours ….

Grandmabatty Mon 13-Dec-21 11:29:48

O am so sorry for your losses. Condolences to you both. As an earlier poster said, celebrating Christmas isn't 'compulsory'. You need to grieve.

Daisymae Mon 13-Dec-21 11:13:50

No, you are reacting perfectly normally. It takes a while to come to terms with what has happened. Christmas is a difficult time for a lot of people. Do what feels right for you both. So sorry for your loss.

Blossoming Mon 13-Dec-21 11:10:01

Condolences to you and your partner and family. No, you’re not being unreasonable. I can’t imagine celebrating in those circumstances.

janeainsworth Mon 13-Dec-21 11:07:38

What an awful shock for you both. I’m so sorry.
Christmas isn’t compulsory. Do what feels right for you and your partner, don’t feel you have to meet others’ expectations. thanks

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 13-Dec-21 11:06:55

I'm so sorry. No you're not being unreasonable. I couldn't imagine putting a tree up in those circumstances. My granny died suddenly on 21st Dec many years ago now, and Dad immediately took down all the decs. Just do what feels right for the two of you and any immediate family to get through Christmas and out the other side. flowers

denisep5 Mon 13-Dec-21 10:59:57

Hi everyone

My partners mum passed away on 4.12 and my mum passed away on 5.12. We lost them both suddenly within 24 hours and we are numb. We have funerals on 17th and 22nd and the thought of Christmas is killing me. I can’t even comprehend putting a tree up am I being unreasonable ? I don’t know x?