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Anniversary of husband’s death

(29 Posts)
SusieB50 Fri 31-Dec-21 11:42:07

Two years ago today my DH died peacefully at home after being diagnosed with terminal cancer of the bile ducts, pancreas and liver . He had a short but severe illness , but he was able to see all family and spend his last days at home.
I really am grateful for those last few weeks and wonder how different it would have been if it had been last year or this year .
It has not been an easy time to cope with the loss of DH after nearly 50 years of marriage, but I can’t imagine how awful it must have been for all those dying over the pandemic .
Tonight I will be alone ( my choice) and will raise a glass to DH and listen to a play list I found the other day on his iPad entitled -especially for “SusieB”-
I will shed tears but also be grateful he had a “good death”’
I hope 2022 will allow me to spread my wings a bit more and perhaps find new interests and see friends old and new . It has been a strange two years but perhaps in a way a more gentle period of grieving allowing me to gradually come to terms with my new life .
My thoughts are with all of you who has experienced a death of a loved one this year .

Blossoming Fri 31-Dec-21 11:48:27

Your post has touched me deeply SusieB I wish you a happy new year and hope 2022 is kind to you flowers

Oopsadaisy1 Fri 31-Dec-21 11:52:03

Oh Susie how sad, but I admire your strength and wish you a good 2022.

Doodledog Fri 31-Dec-21 11:53:23

I echo Blossoming's post, SusieB.

I seem to have something in my eye. Enjoy listening to the playlist that your late husband dedicated to you - what a lovely thought. You clearly meant a lot to him.

JaneJudge Fri 31-Dec-21 11:55:21

Enjoy the playlist and memories of your husband Susie flowers

ginny Fri 31-Dec-21 11:58:34


Shelflife Fri 31-Dec-21 12:03:21

I am thinking of you Susie, sending
'hugs' and enjoy that play list , raise a glass to your lovely man ! Wishing you a peaceful 2022. ??

glammanana Fri 31-Dec-21 12:11:14

Susie I could have written your lovely post myself as it's also 2 years ago this month that I lost my wonderful man,he left us so unexpectedly just minutes after saying he was off to collect our DD for work he never got there and died in his car on his way to her house.
The past 2 years have gone by quietly due to Covid and isolation but I have many memories of our 45+ yrs together which have gotten me through,I am feeling and hoping 2022 will be a much better year for me and my family.
I too listen to his favourite music which has many memories as to where we where at special times.

EllanVannin Fri 31-Dec-21 13:15:36

Love and thoughts to SusieB50 and Glammanana flowers xx.

I feel lucky to have known Glammanana's dear H as we spoke regularly when he used to take the dog walking around where I live. We enjoyed many a laugh and also putting the world to rights. A gentleman, who I missed for a long time after.

Dottygran59 Fri 31-Dec-21 13:22:32

Oh Susie an Glammanana - I'm so sorry that you both lost your Darling Husbands 2 years ago. Susie I cried reading your post. We are/you were so lucky to have wonderful men in our lives, and we so appreciate them as we get older and the kids leave home and there is just the two of us/you

I will think of you both as you raise a glass to them this evening, and wish all us Wonderful Grans, and you two lovely ladies in particular and much much better new year than the last two lousy ones have been.

Much love

MayBeMaw Fri 31-Dec-21 13:37:54

Your post has touched me too SusieB .
DH died 4 years ago and I had just “started up “ my life again when the pandemic hit.
I realised that if anything could have been worse than losing a life’s partner after (in our case) 47 years of marriage, it would have been to endure the same grief in isolation, unable to be with him or fearful of infection.
You have made a good point about an extended period of grieving , too often we are expected to “get over it” these days, but of course you never do.
Here’s to 2022 and starting to do all those things which will surely bring you comfort ??

SusieB50 Fri 31-Dec-21 13:53:58

Thank you all for the kinds words , and yes let’s hope next year will bring some normality to our lives ?

merlotgran Fri 31-Dec-21 16:10:41

Best wishes for 2021, SuzieB

When DH died earlier this year my grieving was rushed along what seemed like a tidal wave due to the family wanting me to move nearer to them ASAP. It was too much and I ended up in hospital.

Now I am settled in my new home I intend to pick up where I left off and acknowledge our 53 years of marriage in whichever pace feels appropriate.

AGAA4 Fri 31-Dec-21 16:22:30

SusieB and Glammanana flowers I know how hard the anniversary of losing someone is.

MissAdventure Fri 31-Dec-21 16:33:44

Do you have an idea of what songs may be on the playlist, SusieB?
How lovely, and how very poignant.
I do hope you have a peaceful evening.

Georgesgran Fri 31-Dec-21 17:46:56

I too am in the same situation, having lost my DH in March this year. I know he wouldn’t have wanted me or our DD’s to allow his loss to cause as much sorrow as it has. However, life must go on and at 70, my time is limited, so I shall make the best of it and share some with my much loved DGS, one 4 years old and the other 6 months, who DH sadly didn’t live to see.
?all round. X

Smileless2012 Fri 31-Dec-21 17:50:53

I have no words so hope these flowers will be of some comfort Susieflowers.

SusieB50 Fri 31-Dec-21 17:51:16

MissAdventure, it’s an eclectic mix from Beatles, Simon and Garfunkel, to Albinoni and Elgar , generally reminders of times and places …

merlotgran Fri 31-Dec-21 17:55:29

You’re very brave, SusieB. I find music the hardest part of all.

Enjoy your evening and your memories.

MissAdventure Fri 31-Dec-21 17:58:17

It sounds wonderful, SusieB.
There are a good few music lovers on here, meaning me!
If you feel up to posting again tonight, I would love to find some of 'your' songs and have a little think about them.
If not, enjoy. smile

Kim19 Fri 31-Dec-21 19:34:00

SusieB love your way of thinking and your attitude in general. Good luck. ?. G, I had a similar harsh experience to yours but many years earlier. Good luck to you too. ?

Sweetpeasue Fri 31-Dec-21 19:55:19

Thinking of you SusieB, Glammanana and Georgesgran
So sorry for your loss and truly wish you all a better year. ?

harrigran Mon 03-Jan-22 00:35:45

My DH suffered during the pandemic due to hospital appointments being cancelled and doctor's letters not arriving. We could not move him to a hospice because they closed it due to covid. I felt he suffered much more than anyone should have to, we could not even get help from the Marie Curie nurses, I had to do all the nursing care myself. He did not have the end of life care he deserved.

SachaMac Mon 03-Jan-22 15:17:02

SusieB - thinking of you and hope you raised a glass to your late DH, I can sympathise with you having lost my DH of over 40 years to cancer in August this year. I hope you got through the second anniversary and enjoyed listening to the playlist, it will have been very emotional I’m sure but lovely that he put the songs together for you. It is so hard adjusting to life without the man you loved after so many years together but you sound like you have the right attitude and are trying to be positive which is all we can do really.
Harrigran, my thoughts are with you too, we had similar issues with my husbands oncology appointments, there were also delays in discussing scan results, it was very stressful. I do take comfort knowing that for the last couple of weeks he was at home with me and our lovely family around him,
Thinking of all of you who are going into this New Year without their loved ones at their side ?

SusieB50 Mon 03-Jan-22 15:26:31

harrigran how awful for your DH and family . I can’t imagine how you coped . The Macmillan and District nursing teams were so wonderful in helping me care for DH at home . When a loved one is coming to the end of their lives all you want is for them to be pain free and at peace . So sorry
harrigran ☹️?