Recently widowed and suffering with loneliness

Thankyou ladies for your understanding. Sadly my lovely man died the day before our beautiful boy’s anniversary of his death in 2003 and to add to it all 2 years ago our youngest adopted son our precious son died. It sounds like a soap opera but as a paediatric nurse I felt children with short life expectancy deserve a forever home. Now you have it my life story. I miss my mate so much as do the others. I just have to get on with it and hope B, E &L know I am not cross with them, bless them. Thanks for reading

Fartooold and your darling husband words can't express the admiration I feel about your view on feeling children with a short life expectancy deserve a forever home.

Life is not fair and you have suffered enough tragedy in your life . But your home must be bursting at the seams with love. Love and happiness are underrated emotions and yet they are the only things that make life worth living.

Time does not make the grief we feel for our loved lesson as you already know you learn to cope. All your lovely children are feeling the lose of their beloved father in their own way. And they will help you the best way they can. But take comfort in the fact you are loved so much by them .

Grief is physically and mentally exhausting. Just putting one foot in front of the other takes effort when all you want to do is curl up into a ball and shout I don't want to play anymore.

For me I have never felt whole since my husband took his last breath . But I feel so lucky I had someone who loved me so much .

I hope you can take comfort in the fact all though you haven't got the support from your darling man anymore you had his love for long time . And some people go through their whole life and never find that love or the other half of themselves.

Hope you are able to have some time alone to grieve by yourself. Even if it's only half a hour where you can just let consume you. It amazed me how much that helped. Some of would say it's wallowing in self pity but it's not it's what everyone needs to do when they have lost the other half of themselves. Because it's the only way I found in my experience I could face the next hour,day ,week ,month and years.

I don't know what else I can say except to say but loving someone and being loved is worth all that it entails. ?

Whiff, DH and I had discussed our widowhood many, many times as his original cancer diagnosis was 20 years ago. I would have gone to live near/with my precious Philip but he died first. I feel I must move closer to DD as a 5hour journey in an emergency is too unfair on my remaining children. It would also mean that I shall feel more secure.
DD would like me to live in a retirement village. Not that keen, but I don’t sweat the small stuff. I carry my contentment in my heart, not where I live or what stuff I own.
I have a purchaser for my house but shan’t move for at least another 6 months. Fortunately, they are happy to wait.
All everyone’s advice is wonderful and very helpful but, in the end, one has to do what works best for oneself and one’s loved ones.

Incidentally, sadly, the old quote “it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all” is so very true…

granMattie glad you have a buyer. 6 months will give you plenty of time to declutter and pack . All the very best for your new life in your new home. ?

Thanks, Whiff. Trouble is that at the moment the most I do is sit. I always accept invitations, but don’t feel the energy to do much else.
There is a lot to do in downsizing. I know, we did that 10 years ago, from 5 bed to 3. Now, realistically, I shall go from 3 bed house to 2 bed flat.
Also, house hunting in Bristol from E Kent is hard.
Anyway, life goes on…

Thinking of you all, especially those in the first few years of becoming a widow, the gut wrenching wretchedness of losing your other half. I look back and it's as if I got through in a dream/nightmare, but somehow I did, we all do, we carry on and make a different life. We have to learn to rely on ourselves, I am very independent and often take on too much. Yesterday a good example, trying to be supportive I committed to something which was too much, I almost colasped as it had been too long a day for me and hard work, I can hardly move today. I had a few tears coming home, if I'm out if action there isn't anyone that can help, even a cup of tea and a sandwich would have been lovely.. Went to bed without eating but too achy and head aching to sleep. Big lesson learnt, say no more. It's not weak it's realistic.
On a happier note I have booked a holiday, first since before lockdown. taken quite a few since my h died and enjoyed them all in differntt ways. I try not to sweat the small stuff and like to have something to look forward to.

Thank you mawthemerrier, you have mentioned everything l am feeling and helped me look to the otherside, l feel comforted knowing it will become manageable, my husband suffered for 7 years with lung cancer then severe COPD, to have another tumour diagnosed very recently it was very aggressive and he passed at home on Sunday, l have family around me helping which l am so grateful for ❤️

? janburry.

janburry, I want to give you a big virtual hug xx

Thinking of you at this very sad time janburry.

So sorry Janburry it’s an awful time I know, my DH died at home just over a year ago. I felt as though I was in a surreal haze for a while, just take things a day or even an hour at a time, grief can be exhausting.
Pleased that like me you have your family around you, they will be a great comfort. Sending hugs

Thank you all for the virtual hugs, flowers and kind words it's much appreciated ❤️