Recently widowed and suffering with loneliness

Such helpful replies Maw. Your words have helped me in the past too. Especially miss the doing nothing together which Im pretty sure was how you described what we miss most about married life.
I am 18 months into it. It is different, so I must have adjusted and I am filling my days and weeks.

Evenings are the worst but also like today when an old friend has been staying and has just left, I turn to him and he's not there to remind me how mush we like being just by ourselves.

We haven't had any family occasions yet but will have this Summer so I am preparing myself. brave face.

Another thing to remember Marilyn is that you have spent a lot of time caring for him, like a fulltime job and with no job your days will feel empty.
Plan a treat, however small, just for yourself, every day.

I loss my lovely hubby nearly 6 years ago, so can understand how you feel ... also unless you have gone through it no one truly knows & understand how you really feel. Cut a long story short I have a canvas of different photos on it my lovely daughter & son in law had it made for me. I always go through all the names on it, also my hubby , saying to him ... good night God bless love you ... every morning I look at it & say good morning , when I go out & come in the same, blow him a kiss , I do this going down the road as well, no doubt people think I am nuts , I don't care ... I kiss his pillow & say the same when I go to bed ... also there is a difference between being lonely & alone, sometimes I can be in a room full of people & still feel alone ... if you want to cry ... cry ... if you want to laugh ... laugh ... do what every you want to , we all have our own way in grieving ... I even had a cry this morning after my daughter showed me what she put on FB about her dad ,bless her ... this may not be for you ... it is hard, like you say no one to talk to ... yes I do talk to my hubby although no answer if you know my meaning ... will take time ... I pray that you will start to feel much better very soon ... God bless

Yes it is Monica

But helpful and hopeful.

This thread is so sad.

I’m 3 years down this difficult path . I miss him so much and really understand your loneliness Marilyn. I am very much the same . No one can really understand until it happens to them . Sending hugs x

I would also say let yourself grieve. When you want to cry or scream do it. Do it as loudly and as long as you want to. When my husband died after seven years of colon cancer and even though I had done a lot of grieving before he died, I just used to scream and shout and wail my head off for half an hour. It seemed to me that I had dammed my feelings up in front of others and they just had to be released somehow.

It sounds as if it is early days for you so I wish you well.

The family event thing got to me and I lost it a couple of years ago when I had a rant at the D's about just this.
It would never have occurred to me but that day I just could not pin a smile on my face and nearly chucked my contribution of food for GS's party picnic in the bin!
I was literally shaking. One D really understood and arranged for us to meet up on the way, one clearly saw but got defensive ("we miss him too") and the middle one wisely let it be!
These things take you unawares and are like a punch in the gut.

So sorry to hear this and i truely hope that things get easier for you as time moves on. Sending a virtual hug to both of you and

Beautifully put Maw.
It is the little things, isn’t it?
?

I'll be honest OP half your life has been ripped away. Not only the one person who knew you better than anybody and loved you more than anybody, but also, at a practical level, the person around whom your world revolved in these latter years.
That is not meant to sound brutal but people who say Oh time is a great healer, you'll get over it etc etc have NO idea.
Yes, the pain will ease but it will also sweep over you quite unexpectedly and you won't miss him any less but you will learn to put one foot in front of the other. The familiar situations (as you say, the evenings) or the nights may be the worst, or it could be seeing other couples in the supermarket or looking at the contents of your solitary trolley when everybody else is shopping for a family, or arriving at family events alone when the other grandparents arrive and leave as a couple. It can be grief by a thousand cuts and nobody and nothing prepares you for this.
However....life has to go on and you will find there are days when you find yourself enjoying something without feeling guilty about it. Try to let yourself feel some joy in the small things, they will help you to heal.
There's a reason partners are called " our other half" and for those of us fortunate to find the right other half, something to be grateful for.
I hope friends and family are looking after you though- they may not see how you are hurting g inside, but it is good yo be in understanding company

I was widowed the end of last year after being with my late husband 24hrs a day through most of our married life and for the last 8 years caring for him. I find the evenings the worse I can still see him sitting in his chair but no reply when I talk to him. I hope things get a bit easier for you soon