Dealing with the details

I am really quite ill with the stress since DH died, just about everything that can go wrong has.
DH made some attempt to gather important papers together shortly before he died but it was difficult to locate passwords for online business. DD and SIL did all the phoning and online work but some things could not be sorted and I have just had to let them go.

So sorry harrigran, it is hellish. I suddenly had to 'approve' my husband's tax return, with the threat of prosecution if I had it wrong. I had to engage an accountant to check it all out before I could finalise it, yet another outlay I hadn't expected.

I only had my tiny Teacher's pension as my husband's account was frozen, and three months after my husband's death my daughter was going to Uni in Canada for a year, and the visa specified she had to have funds to support herself for a year. Probate was still months away and I had to beg/borrow/steal the money to give her the £7K. We were in such a state we forgot to get her any currency, she had to change money at the airport using their extortionate rates.

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I am so sorry to hear your husband has died - it is such a difficult time - especially when your mind feels a bit scrambled.

I was very lucky to have my DDs around and they helped with with lots of things - they went and registered the death for a start, which was one less task for me. Please delegate wherever you can.

These are some things which helped me:

1. www.gov.uk/after-a-death/organisations-you-need-to-contact-and-tell-us-once This is the Tell Us Once service which will inform all government organisations for you - you just tell them once and they set the rest in train.

2. I made a list - as others have suggested - and put it in order of priority - some things can wait. There is too much to do in one go. Set yourself a task a day on a timetable - you can tick things off and it feels less overwhelming.

3. There were no probate issues for me; that went through on the nod as there was a will and our main asset was the house which I was living in which was in joint names.

4. It is important to deal with the pension aspects as soon as possible for your peace of mind in knowing what your income will be. My OH's NHS pension people were not terribly helpful and initially would not even tell me if I was the named recipient. But when they finally sorted it, it was much more than I expected, so I forgave them!

5. Most big organisations have a bereavement department who deals with nothing but this.

6. Be prepared for things to pop up at a later date. It is 2 years since my OH died and I still find unexpected things - I had been merrily buying things from ebay only to discover it was his account still.

7. Brace yourself for some useless people - like the person who insisted they must speak to OH when I was closing an account because of his death .......hmmm....

8. The bank was very helpful indeed - I had an appointment there and they could not have been more sympathetic even though they do not make much money out of me.

I hope that you are able to sort it all out. Take care.

Thanks Luckygirl3, the probate/house ownership thing is on my mind, do you mean it went through on the nod, i.e done by yourself? Or did you still have to engage a solicitor? This has stuck in my mind as a problem though it may not be. You know how you can get unreasonably fixated on one thing even though there's loads of stuff to tackle.

Sorry for your loss.

Not sure if someone has mentioned as haven't had time to read the whole thread.

This link is very helpful

www.gov.uk/when-someone-dies

There is also a Tell us Once service (which is listed on the page. The Tell Us Once service allows you to inform all the relevant government departments when someone dies.

I would also say get a few copies of the death certificate as you may need to post it off to more than one organisation.

It's here NainCC.

www.gov.uk/update-property-records-someone-dies

Do you know Nain, I am finding it hard to remember exactly how the probate was sorted. I was in the process of selling the house (to pay for care fees - I was downsizing) so presumably when my circumstances changed the solicitor who was already on board with that informed me that I did not need probate.

This is a link to the CAB page on the subject: www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/death-and-wills/dealing-with-the-financial-affairs-of-someone-who-has-died#:~:text=There%20is%20no%20need%20for,inherit%20the%20other%20person's%20share.

Our savings and current account were joint, so that transferred automatically; and we were "joint tenants" of our owned property. I did not know about the latter - you can be "tenants in common", in which case it becomes more complicated - the solicitor checked this out for me and all was well. I do not know how she established this.

This might help: How do I find out if I am joint tenants or tenants in common?
How to find out if you are Joint Tenants or Tenants in Common? Download your title deeds from the Land Registry and if there is a Form A restriction under Section B: Charges, then you are tenants in common. If the restriction isn't there then you are Joint Tenants.

I guess she just contacted the land Registry, which you can do - or have a relative do for you.

Good luck with this - I hope it is as simple for you as it was for me.

Thanks all, new grandson born last night so a welcome distraction!

New grandson! - how lovely - congratulations!

NainCC. I am sorry for your loss. I did this for my parents and in the end went to a local solicitor to have everything checked for my peace of mind. I worried about making a mistake. There was of course a charge but having the solicitor sign off and thereby be responsible (they are insured against error) was worth it. There was an awkward family member so having a solicitor kept the whole thin “neutral”.
I kept copious notes. All the folders were different colours, very old fashioned but helpful.
I also did no business at the weekends although many companies were available. I need those two days away from it all.
You can come back with more questions and for support.
I hope your new grandchild brings you joy at this time although poignant also. ? for you.

Aveline

Floradora do you have POA? Just a verbal agreement from a credit card company might not be enough.

Yes we do all set up for finances and care .

Oh good. I was a bit worried as it sounded so informal.

After my DH died suddenly six years ago, I did the Aussie and UK probate myself, not hard as the Will was simple and both systems were very clear. UK institutions and HMRC were fab; they all had specialised bereavement sections so no faffing around. What also helped was the UK day kicks off in the Australian evening, so I was at leisure to get on the 'phone.

One thing I started and still have is an A4 folder with A-Z dividers, A4 linked paper in each section. Each institution has a separate sheet, in sub-alphabetised order.
When I 'phone I note the dates and time and who I spoke to, as well as action to take from the call.

It's been invaluable. I still use it.

Thanks so much for all your ideas and suggestions. Now the funeral is over I am trying to think more clearly but am still bemused as to if I need probate much less whether or not I could do it myself. None of the bodies has asked me for probate or even mentioned it. Mind, one pension company acknowledged my uploaded documents then three weeks later denied all knowledge of them so I'm not sure they know what they're doing either.

My brother helped with sorting out the car as I am a non driver but otherwise I did everything myself.
The hardest thing was how difficult some people were. My DH's bank wasn't very pleasant. The mortgage holder took months to organise paying off the mortgage with the life insurance and I had to pay several months mortgage payments which I should not have had to do.
My DH's employer were also difficult about paying his final salary and it took months of detective work and chasing to find the correct department to claim the death in service benefit.

My sincere condolences to all who are bereaved

My condolences to you NainCC. My husband died nearly 6 years ago, and I would have been lost without my kids helping me to get things sorted. The tip about getting several copies of the death certificate is a good one, several people wanted a copy of it when my hubby died.