Hello,i have asked for advice while my dad was in hospital and when he died 13 weeks ago tomorrow and it just as well be today.Mum and i are really struggling,but i am worried about mum she is 80 been married to dad for 61 years and he did everything financial so i am doing that now because she doesn't know anything that is ok i can do,so that at the moment sorting out his bits is keeping me busy but i must go over those few weeks before he died and the day he died a hundred times a day in my head and some days are so dark it scares me,so i can't imagine how mum is feeling,quite a few times she has told me she wants to die she misses him so much and i really think at this moment she will go this year,i just don't know how i can help her,i am trying to put dad out of my mind to much and hope to deal with the loss when i have sorted out all his bits and mum is coping better,mum and i talk non stop about dad and i visit 3 times a week take her out for a few hours,i feel guilty it is only 3 times but i have my grandchildren a couple of days 40 miles away and i have a husband,who has been brilliant i am starting to worry what is ahead for us but guessing that is natural after a loss.
We never had a burial for dad it was a cremation no service etc mum couldn't face it so of course it was her choice,so another way it does not feel real no goodbye,mum still does not want the ashes collected and i feel guilty over that like dad did not matter,some days i talk to him and say dad if you can hear me give me a sign,all his things are still at home,his garden jacket still in the kitchen feels like he is still there and everytime i go in i wait to hear him say all right Dawn same words everytime and mum would say leave her get in the door first.
Sorry to babble but what can we do how do you start to deal with loss,mum and i don't hug we did the day dad died but i can't since mum has never been a hugger and when she cries i struggle because it is awkward i juts can't do it,i think about it,it is just not a natural thing with her anyone else yes dad and i would always hug,just feel like what's the point at the moment,dad was 83 so a good age just unexpected when he died.
Many thanks for reading.
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