Letter to my deceased father was opened in coffin

I am really sorry to hear of the passing of your father. Please look after yourself as number one during this very sad time. But, if your mother is estranged because she is a nasty piece of work like an aunt I had who could stir up a hornet's nest, please just walk away. This is the perfect opportunity to remove any unwanted people in your life. Please look to the future with your own family, focus on remembering your dad, perhaps keep a journal of all the happy times spent together with him and just remove your mother permanently. No good will come of it in the future and as you say 'she is a gift that keeps on giving'. When my dad died I offloaded most of his drama seeking toxic family and it was surprising how quickly they disappeared. As we get older ourselves and our loved ones are the people who count. Wishing your strength, courage, and peace in days to come.

Deep condolences on loosing your father. Losing a much loved parent is so hard.

However, given you are estranged from your mother, who is obviously a dificult person, surely her opening the letter, however upsetting to you, should not be surprise. What better way for an estranged parent to upset a bereaved child?

It would have been better to have had it tucked away in the coffin where she could not see it.

Your best response is to behave as if it has not happened. Your mother acted as she did to upset you. All you can do is act in her presence, or the presence of anyone who will tell her, as if you do not know or care what happened. In private and with your supportive faamily you can rant, rage and cry at her callous behaviour.

Sincere condolences FlowerPower60. What she did was indefensible, it's the sort of thing my mother might have done, as my mum was incredibly nosy.
My advice is to say nothing, knowing you are the better person.

No say nothing and rise above it. If she is estranged just ignore her. By telling your DD she is hoping for a reaction.
I am so sorry for your loss.

That’s a horrible thing to do and to tell her granddaughter I would be furious. However, she sounds a nightmare and you would gain nothing by challenging her, I, being me, would have to say something probably I’m disgusted at your behaviour mother but it’s done, then keep my distance. She must be bitter and insecure. However, like people have said, nothing to be gained, just ignore. Remember your father and that he knew you loved him and he you, no one can take that away.

Sorry for your loss FP60.
As others have said, she did this so she could get a rise out of you. She must be itching for you to react so don't scratch that itch. Let it fester with her not you. You have your good memories of your father, just remember them with fondness.

I am not surprised either

No - don't even mention it. I'm not surprised that she opened it, though.

Sorry for your loss

No, I wouldn't

Say nothing. It’s so difficult when you are hurting so much but if you can then let it go. I think you will feel better in the long run, it will give you the moral high ground and that’s a good place to be.
💐💐

Thank you so much for speedy reply.
I too am stunned....she told my daughter on day of funeral that she had read it. And of course daughter couldn't say anything at that point,but she was upset too.
My mother really is the gift that keeps on giving.
Here I am a grandmother myself having to deal with the death of a much loved father who went through so much. And a mother that never ceases to shock.

If you are estranged from an abusive person it is a definite no.

She would have the satisfaction of you reaching out knowing she hurt you and you will give her the opportunity to gaslight you.

Let it be, Dad saw your letter

I'm so sorry for your loss

I would be furious. But I suppose if you are already estranged there is probably little point?

I'm sorry for your loss.

I'd be furious. And I'd say so. But we all handle things differently.

Sympathies to you.

First my I offer my deepest sympathies, loosing a parent is so hard,

You know I had to read that 3 times to believe that someone could do that, I’m stunned. She must be feeling so insecure to do that, what could she possibly have thought you had written,

I don’t think you should say anything, times like this you need to show dignity, don’t give her another thought just concentrate on your father and what he would want.