What will be the date of death?

Sorry for your loss, definitely the 4th 🌷

The exact date of death can be extremely important.
I'm sure there are many of us who remember when Alf Roberts (Audrey's husband) on Coronation Street passed away late at night and because the doctor didn't come until after midnight, his life insurance had expired, and Audrey missed out on the payment.
Granted, that was down to Alf not having renewed the insurance, but the doctor couldn't say whether he'd passed before midnight or not, and it's amazing how often things like this happen.

My thoughts are with you and your family.
Sadly my Dad found my brother dead in his flat last year, the paramedics said that he would have been dead 3 or 4 days. However on his death certificate it states that he died on the day my Dad found him. I really hate not knowing the exact date as I always light a candle on any anniversaries for family members passing. x

My father died in a care home, and the time of death was recorded as the time stated by the nurse who was sitting in his room as 8 a.m.

This is the time on the death certificate signed by the attending physician later the same forenoon.

I imagine the same thing will happen with your MIL.

As you say, it has little significance apart from the relevant fact that it is worrying your husband right now, so I hope consensus here can set his mind at rest.

My condolences to you both. Losing our mothers is hard - they are after all the person who knew us longest.

My Dad died in hospital with all family around him at approx 11.30pm on a Saturday.
His death was certified 2 hours later,thus being next day, Sunday.
I found it upsetting that this wrong date was used, particularly on the plate of his coffin and for memorials.

My DH died at home with just me present just after midnight . I was asked when he died, and this date and time was put on the certificate even though the doctor didn’t come until 4am .
Many years ago when I was a nurse in hospital we were not allowed to certify even an expected death so the time and sometimes the even date was after the actual death . If the relatives were present I remember they were confused by this .

HurdyGurdy, is your DH worried at any possible financial implications of the death being in one tax year or the other?

In regard to someone on another continent, maybe the difference in time has not been taken into account? If you hear of it on 3rd of month for example maybe because of time zones in another country or continent, death could have occurred on either 2nd of 4th? Just a thought.

maddyone

My mother died shortly after midnight in her care home and was found by a carer at about 12.15. That was taken as her date of death but it’s possible that she died the day before, just before midnight. I only feel guilty that I wasn’t with her. I should have stayed, but thought she was sleeping and decided to return the next morning. In fact she was moving towards her death.

I'm sorry *maddyone, but I think that you will often find that people wait until their loved ones have gone - my dad did ... 30 years ago. Mum had been with him all night and the ward sister told her to go home and have a wash, change, something to eat etc as it wasn't expected imminently - she did and he chose to die whilst she was away. He also didn't wait for me, and promised me he would be hanging on until my baby was born. I was travelling down from Scotland to Yorkshire to be with him, 7 1/2 months pregnant, just before Christmas ... he died before we had set off and whilst I was at an ante-natal appointment. Weird but I was very cross with him!

That baby, died in November, aged 29 we found her on 24th November, and do want to know if it was that date or the day before that she died really. We may never know and it will depend on whether the PM showed anything up. We are still awaiting the Inquest, but her date of death has been recorded as the day we found her.

Probably when discovered by staff. My DH died in a Hospice. I was with him and new he was gone. I noted the time. I stayed in the room with him about 25 mins before informing staff. I was asked if I had noticed the actual time of death and what I said was taken for death certification.

MadeinYorkshire

I too has stayed with mum all day and into late evening when I left to go home fir a rest as I wasn’t well myself. Got to sleep around midnight and had a call half hour later to say mum had got worse, up dressed back to the home at 1.15 expecting her to be alive but she had already died. I felt dreadful as I didn’t want her to die alone. Never was sure whether it had been the previous evening. It did sort of matter.
We waited til 3 am before the dr came, he was brusque, rude and without compassion, horrible man.

Of course it matters to people to know when someone dies. If it's overnight in their sleep I guess we might not know but a doc should have some idea
The particular dates the OP mentions might be relevant as it's the end of one tax year a d the beginning of the next but for most people it won't make much difference.
All dwaths are sad but what a shame that lady died just a few short hours before she turned 100

silverlining48

I too has stayed with mum all day and into late evening when I left to go home fir a rest as I wasn’t well myself. Got to sleep around midnight and had a call half hour later to say mum had got worse, up dressed back to the home at 1.15 expecting her to be alive but she had already died. I felt dreadful as I didn’t want her to die alone. Never was sure whether it had been the previous evening. It did sort of matter.
We waited til 3 am before the dr came, he was brusque, rude and without compassion, horrible man.

Thank you, and am so sorry that you had to go through that. We had to have the police, as it was an 'unexplained death' and they were marvellous really. I have been told that the inquest is very impersonal, a tick box job for those who do it, so am not sure if I will attend or not.

Dear Made in Yorkshire my sympathies to you,

My DM died between nurses' shifts. We were 5 minutes away having sat the previous day and most of the night at her side.
I know it's common but I still wish I had been there at the end
My DH died in 2020 and I and all 4 DC were at his side.
So sorry about the careless timings
So sorry for the sad losses

Losing someone close is devastating, and we are all different.

Personally, I truly can't see how the exact time of death has any importance or meaning.

Most people actually want and choose to die alone- as reported by so many friends and family who work in Care Homes and Hospitals.

Both my parents chose to die when I was away from them. I’d sat by my Mum’s bedside all night and was out of the room for less than 5 minutes. My Dad however was with her, it was as she would have wished.

My Dad spent his last days in a hospice, we were there with our sons and their partners. The staff were convinced Dad would still be alive in a few hours, our family went home to rest for a while, we were offered a room in the hospice. A nurse showed us to the room, a few minutes later she was back to tell us he had died. It is our belief this was his choice, he saw his role as protecting me, he would not have wanted me or our children to see him leave the world.

In my work I listened to bereaved people and heard a version of this many, many times.

I’m so sorry about the deep distress caused by timing on death certificates. For myself I didn’t even look to see what was there, a friend however needed to know to the second when her husband had left her. It’s such a shame that medical professionals can’t put themselves into the shoes of bereaved people and act with more thought and kindness.

cornergran I don't think that medical professional find it impossible to put themsleves into the shoes of bereaved people- at all. Most of them will have experienced losing loved ones. How can they guess that the exact time and date is so important for some people, probably a very small minority.

MASH anyone? I remember the episode where they were trying not to have to record a death on Christmas Day. They tried to keep the man alive.
I don't remember what happened in the end.

Fleurpepper

Losing someone close is devastating, and we are all different.

Personally, I truly can't see how the exact time of death has any importance or meaning.

A friend of mine had an aunt who was a widow with a daughter who married a widower who also had a daughter. The aunt had dementia, and the couple both died of carbon monoxide poisoning in their car. His daughter was kicking up a fuss regarding what she should inherit, but her daughter wasn’t bothered, apart from some of her mum’s jewellery.
However, it transpired that the man’s death was registered as occurring before his wife, therefore she inherited everything, albeit only for minutes, and therefore so did her daughter.

Also, when the Bodach was dying the doctor told me to go out for some air, and I said I was afraid he would die while I was out. She did say that maybe he didn’t want me there, as many people don’t, and indeed, that’s what happened.

My son also died over a bank holiday weekend and according to those with him he collapsed and died on the spot. When I spoke to the coroner he said very firmly that ‘death occurred when I say it did’ making it clear the official version overrides facts. It matters to loved ones, of course it does, but we have to remember that registration is a government activity meant to count the population.

I was with DH when he died and noticed that it was 3.50pm. I sat with him for about 10 minutes before I called anyone and then had to wait for a doctor to come and confirm death. I can't remember now what time was actually put down.

I have no doubt that my father waited to die until he was moved from the open ward (in a cubicle with curtains closed) to a side room while my sister and I nipped out for a cup of coffee, after 5 hours by his bedside. He was always an intensely private man and was waiting to be alone to finally relax and let death have its way.