Gransnet forums

Bereavement

Looks like DiL is having a miscarriage

(74 Posts)
Lizbethann55 Tue 12-Sept-23 19:36:51

Yesterday my DS phoned to say they think his wife , my darling DiL, is having a miscarriage. The pregnancy is in it's very early stages. In fact they hadn't told anyone DiL was pregnant. She has been bleeding slightly for a couple of days. They phoned the maternity hospital. They cannot fit her in for a scan until tomorrow afternoon. It is getting worse and despite phoning again they were told the same. If it gets to be heavy or she is in great pain they must just go to A&E. I haven't seen my DiL but we are having DGD to sleep here in case they do need to go to A&E so I have seen DS. They are both utterly bereft and heartbroken even though the miscarriage hasn't been confirmed yet. It does look very very likely. The thing is, what can I say that doesn't sound cliched or trite? I am so desperately sad for them.

BlueBelle Wed 13-Sept-23 06:17:55

As long as your sadness doesn’t over take their sadness ( making it about you) of course its alright and natural to be sad
As others have said try not to think about the worst case scenario unless it happens it may not
Please take no notice of some of the more crabby posts there’s a few very black and white thinkers on here and of course it’s alright to post and look for support surely that’s what we re all here for …….each other
Good luck

StacyAnna Wed 13-Sept-23 06:20:25

I was just about to write a post, but BlueBelle has said exactly what I was going to say. Thinking of you and your family this morning.

fancythat Wed 13-Sept-23 08:25:54

I too think this is more than ok to put on GN.
Whoever a person is, a regular or not.

After offering practicalities, I am not sure there are helpful words in this type of situation.

fancythat Wed 13-Sept-23 08:30:28

A helper/carer often needs help themselves. To be able to carry on in that role in the best way.
Else they themselves can run into difficulties.

Juliet27 Wed 13-Sept-23 08:31:07

I agree with GSM that it is quite a private matter and although this is the place for sympathy maybe not quite so much detail need have been given.

DanniRae Wed 13-Sept-23 08:52:46

Just to say my daughter was bleeding in the early stages of pregnancy ..... the baby is now a healthy 4 year old who started school yesterday!
Please feel you can post on here whenever you need to ... take no notice of the negative comments. I am sure most GN'ers are here for you.

Elegran Wed 13-Sept-23 09:21:48

One thought while you are helping out with the household chores - you might think that having little granddaughter to stay with you for a while after she gets home would relieve her of some of the work, but in a similar situation I wanted to have my children back at home with me, to cuddle and look after. Go by her wishes.

I was told (fifty years ago) that one in three conceptions doesn't make it to full term, a lot of them before they are even confirmed so that it just seems like a rather delayed period. With the average family now being about 2 children, that means that many women miscarry, and some more than once, so it is an experience that is common to mothers.

Why should it not be shared on GN like the other experiences that are posted about? The majority of mothers go on to subsequently have healthy babies - and sharing that fact too could bring comfort in someone's grief.

foxie48 Wed 13-Sept-23 09:27:46

Hopefully OP's DD will have a healthy baby but speaking generally, I think when a couple have suffered a miscarriage I don't think it's helpful when others say, "Don't worry you're still young enough to have lots more children" or " it's probably for the best" or any of the other things people say. I understand why people want to be positive and supportive like this, but for lots of couples this isn't what they need or want. They are sad, need to grieve their loss and it's kind to give them the space to do this.

Lizbethann55 Wed 13-Sept-23 09:33:05

Thank you for your kind words. DS has been to collect DGD. It seems strange to have a bear of a man crying on your shoulder. The scan is later today. It will be a long day for them. It was reassuring to read how many of you have been in the same position and with happy results.

annodomini Wed 13-Sept-23 10:03:14

I hope your DiL will have a positive scan. I had some alarmingly heavy bleeding six weeks into my first pregnancy but then had a week's rest in hospital. That baby is now 52 and a grandad.

Wheniwasyourage Wed 13-Sept-23 10:07:14

Thinking of you all at such a worrying time for you. flowers You are doing all you can to help.

Lizbethann55 Wed 13-Sept-23 17:45:37

Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts. I have found them so reassuring. Sadly , they have lost the baby. I suppose that now the hard task of grieving and then moving on must start.

Greenfinch Wed 13-Sept-23 17:48:07

So sorry to hear that. You are all in my thoughts this evening.

Grannynannywanny Wed 13-Sept-23 17:48:33

So sorry to read your sad news Lizbethann55 💐

silverlining48 Wed 13-Sept-23 17:57:59

That is sad Lizbethann. So very sorry for all.

nanaK54 Wed 13-Sept-23 18:02:43

Such sad news, sending kindest thoughts to you and your family flowers

cornergran Wed 13-Sept-23 18:06:10

Thinking of you all. A hard time.

Marydoll Wed 13-Sept-23 18:11:18

I too am so sorry to hear this sad news. I had been praying for a miracle.💐

BlueBelle Wed 13-Sept-23 18:11:35

Sorry to hear that 💐

BlueBelle Wed 13-Sept-23 18:12:49

No words needed a big cuddle will say it all x

Smileless2012 Wed 13-Sept-23 18:14:52

So sorry for your family's loss Lizbethannflowers.

DanniRae Wed 13-Sept-23 18:17:57

So very sorry to hear your sad news flowers

NorthowramGran Wed 13-Sept-23 18:24:07

So very sad for you. Sending you a hug 💐

Lizbethann55 Wed 13-Sept-23 18:28:02

Thank you all. X

BridgetPark Wed 13-Sept-23 18:44:47

So sorry for you, and all your family. Nothing can really be done to ease their sadness, other than being the wonderful kind parents that you are. God Bless