Gransnet forums


Looks like DiL is having a miscarriage

(66 Posts)
Lizbethann55 Tue 12-Sep-23 19:36:51

Yesterday my DS phoned to say they think his wife , my darling DiL, is having a miscarriage. The pregnancy is in it's very early stages. In fact they hadn't told anyone DiL was pregnant. She has been bleeding slightly for a couple of days. They phoned the maternity hospital. They cannot fit her in for a scan until tomorrow afternoon. It is getting worse and despite phoning again they were told the same. If it gets to be heavy or she is in great pain they must just go to A&E. I haven't seen my DiL but we are having DGD to sleep here in case they do need to go to A&E so I have seen DS. They are both utterly bereft and heartbroken even though the miscarriage hasn't been confirmed yet. It does look very very likely. The thing is, what can I say that doesn't sound cliched or trite? I am so desperately sad for them.

GrannyGravy13 Tue 12-Sep-23 19:39:14

Sending you and your family (((hugs))) have been where you are too many times.

Just be there when they need you 🌸🌸🌸

seadragon Tue 12-Sep-23 19:47:48

You are providing essential support by looking after their DD .... a heartfelt hug can be worth a thousand words....

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 12-Sep-23 19:50:11

Is this really something to post about? Something to share on a public forum?

V3ra Tue 12-Sep-23 19:50:55

You don't need to say anything, just be there for them.
So sad for all of you 😔

Lizbethann55 Tue 12-Sep-23 19:54:10

Strange comment GSM. I thought this was a forum for sympathy and advice.
If I have misunderstood to entire reason for Gransnet then I will delete. Just about to put DGD to bed. Then see what to do.

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 12-Sep-23 20:00:55

Something very private that I would never dream of sharing with random strangers. Absolutely anyone, male , female, anywhere in the world can read GN posts.

Hithere Tue 12-Sep-23 20:02:52

I agree with GSM

Please do not let them see you sad

foxie48 Tue 12-Sep-23 20:05:09

I don't think there's anything anyone can say. It's sad, they will be sad and anything that you might say won't take that away. I f they do lose the child, just be sad with them and allow them to grieve.

Rosie51 Tue 12-Sep-23 20:11:28

Please do not let them see you sad why ever not? If DiL does miscarry it is a very sad occasion.
I agree with foxie48

crazyH Tue 12-Sep-23 20:13:09

GSM - I think the OP was feeling down and wanted to talk to people who are distanced from the sad situation.
Lizbethann - Don’t say anything to your son. Just be there for them. Looking after your DGD will be a great help for them. Although a miscarriage looks likely, I hope your d.I.l. and son have the strength to cope with whatever happens . flowers

Grandma70s Tue 12-Sep-23 20:19:41

I had two “threatened miscarriages’”, that is, bleeding in early pregnancy. I was very scared, but it stopped after a few weeks. Outcome - two very healthy full-term babies.

Aveline Tue 12-Sep-23 20:22:34

All you can do is look after your DGD and smile supportively. Very sad for the family 💐

Marydoll Tue 12-Sep-23 20:25:24

Just be there for them, that's all you can do. You cannot change things and nothing is certain in this life.

I was in a similar situation, admitted to hospital by ambulance, for a D&C, (I had only had my pregnancy confirmed the day before) but there was no bed for me. The only available bed available was in the local maternity hospital, where I had a scan. I was lying in bed distraught when a nurse held my hand and told me not to give up hope.
She was right, my DD is now 39 years old. I did spend the rest of the pregnancy in hospital.
What is meant to be will be.

LauraNorderr Tue 12-Sep-23 20:26:07

Sorry to hear this Lizbethan.
You’re doing your bit by looking after your granddaughter.
Hope for the best for you all.
If the worst should happen I’m sure you’ll find the right way to support them.

Hithere Tue 12-Sep-23 20:27:00

Op is here to support them if needed, not to add to their grieving

This is how some people complain others make the situation about them

Marydoll Tue 12-Sep-23 20:45:33

You are obviously a loving MIL, Lizbethann55. of course you are upset.💐

Grannynannywanny Tue 12-Sep-23 20:57:37

Lizbethann55 sorry to read of the sadness hanging over your family this evening. I’m sure you will be a great support to your Dil and son.

Hithere why so harsh and insensitive?

sodapop Tue 12-Sep-23 20:58:00

Sorry to hear this Lizbethan you and your family must be so sad. It's good you can be there for your granddaughter and support everyone. You have my sympathy.

mumofmadboys Tue 12-Sep-23 21:08:33

I think there are some very inappropriate responses . Of course it is ok to share this on GN. Isn't it the idea of this forum to seek support in the difficulties we all face at times in life? Lizbethann is a regular poster. I'm sorry your family are in this situation but hopefully happier times lie ahead and your DIL will come to terms with this loss x

Shelflife Wed 13-Sep-23 00:25:01

I since hope GN has given you some advice and comfort. Looking after your GD is the best thing you can do just now , her parents will be very relieved and secure in the knowledge she is safe and happy with you. Just be there, they will know how sorry you are and who knows all may be well , but if not show sympathy and sadness but try be strong too.
Don't be hesitant to continue posting because of some negative responses.
It is a very worrying and sad time. Thinking of you and your family, fingers 🤞 for your DIL and your DS. 💐💐

Shelflife Wed 13-Sep-23 00:27:17

An after thought, my daughter bled in the early stages of pregnancy and I was very worried for her. DD delivered a healthy baby who is now 8 years old and thriving!!

nanaK54 Wed 13-Sep-23 00:30:51

Sending kindest thoughts to you and your family flowers

Mitzigem Wed 13-Sep-23 03:26:59

Words are not always needed at times . Presence is enough. Don’t let the GN stiff upper lips worry you either 🌸

Llamas99 Wed 13-Sep-23 05:52:10

Lizbethann55, I found that my DiL appreciated practical things such as coming home to meals in fridge and no laundry to wash, house clean and tidy. She already knew how sad we were.