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Bereavement

Looks like DiL is having a miscarriage

(74 Posts)
Lizbethann55 Tue 12-Sept-23 19:36:51

Yesterday my DS phoned to say they think his wife , my darling DiL, is having a miscarriage. The pregnancy is in it's very early stages. In fact they hadn't told anyone DiL was pregnant. She has been bleeding slightly for a couple of days. They phoned the maternity hospital. They cannot fit her in for a scan until tomorrow afternoon. It is getting worse and despite phoning again they were told the same. If it gets to be heavy or she is in great pain they must just go to A&E. I haven't seen my DiL but we are having DGD to sleep here in case they do need to go to A&E so I have seen DS. They are both utterly bereft and heartbroken even though the miscarriage hasn't been confirmed yet. It does look very very likely. The thing is, what can I say that doesn't sound cliched or trite? I am so desperately sad for them.

Esmay Wed 13-Dec-23 19:59:00

Just read that they have lost the baby .
I am extremely sorry .

Esmay Wed 13-Dec-23 19:54:19

I'm sending you lots of hugs .
Of course , you can share this on Gransnet !
I bled slightly for a couple of months when pregnant with my first daughter .
I carried her until nearly full term with rest .
I also had some bleeding when pregnant with my son .
It doesn't always mean a miscarriage .

Witzend Wed 13-Dec-23 19:53:32

🤞all will be well. But if not, I know it’s no comfort now, but if the pregnancy was still in v early stages, there was very likely something amiss anyway.

I do know how horrible it is, though - when she was already in late 30s dd had 2 early miscarriages before her first successful pregnancy, but went on to have 2 more, all fine.
But it’s heartbreaking at the time, so sending all best wishes to you and all the family. 💐

Patsy70 Wed 13-Dec-23 19:41:31

So very sad to hear this. I have experienced it, but went on to have my lovely son and daughter. My daughter had difficulties in conceiving, due to a generic condition. She was unable to conceive naturally and went on to have four unsuccessful IVF treatments. At the fifth attempt, their beautiful daughter (and I don’t use that word lightly) was born 19 years ago, to everyone’s absolute delight. They looked into adoption of a second child after 3 years, but it was going to take many years before they could be considered, as they already had one child. So, they decided to take the IVF route again, and at the second attempt their second beautiful daughter was born. There is always hope, and progress is being made every day. 💐

nanaK54 Wed 13-Dec-23 19:02:35

Buttonjugs

My son’s girlfriend has just had a 2nd miscarriage and I am distraught for them both. I also feel genuinely upset myself because I was looking forward to a new grandchild. I have never experienced miscarriage, nobody in the family has had one either and it’s just so desperately sad. I don’t know how to deal with it. I know that women who have them feel genuine bereavement and my heart aches for her. I don’t know why the OP was criticised for posting here, this site is supposed to be about sharing and getting advice. No names are mentioned, so what’s the problem? Some people are just nasty and unkind. I am feeling very upset and helpless and alone because there’s nothing I can do to make it better.

Sending kindest thoughts to you and your family flowers

Wheniwasyourage Wed 13-Dec-23 18:26:04

So sorry for anyone whose own pregnancy or that of someone close to them has ended so sadly. flowers

Buttonjugs Wed 13-Dec-23 18:21:01

My son’s girlfriend has just had a 2nd miscarriage and I am distraught for them both. I also feel genuinely upset myself because I was looking forward to a new grandchild. I have never experienced miscarriage, nobody in the family has had one either and it’s just so desperately sad. I don’t know how to deal with it. I know that women who have them feel genuine bereavement and my heart aches for her. I don’t know why the OP was criticised for posting here, this site is supposed to be about sharing and getting advice. No names are mentioned, so what’s the problem? Some people are just nasty and unkind. I am feeling very upset and helpless and alone because there’s nothing I can do to make it better.

NotSpaghetti Sun 08-Oct-23 11:15:22

You could look at the Miscarriage Association website - or send the link to your son/daughter-in-law.

I know someone who found it helpful. They felt less alone.

It is Baby Loss Awareness Week, 9-15 October there may be a lot of coverage... It might be worth knowing that before it's in the news too.

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

NotSpaghetti Sun 08-Oct-23 11:12:09

Yes.
I feel for you as there is little to do that's helpful.

Could you cook something nice and just drop it off?
Maybe take a jigsaw or something small for your granddaughter?

They know you are sad for them and sorry for their loss.

As others have said, don't accidentally "belittle" this loss by trying to offer hope for the future (eg. saying anything about other people having babies after a miscarriage) - one of my dear friends in her 70s now still remembers well meaning people saying things like this from 50 years ago.

flowers

Luckygirl3 Sun 08-Oct-23 10:20:26

I am sorry to hear the baby is lost. I have been in this situation with my DD. After a time of being sad, they went on to have their second baby. There are times when nature rejects a foetus because it was not going to be viable, so it is as well to hang on to that idea. You know she can have children so she has that comfort.

It is a sad time, but you are there for your family and they will value that.

Franbern Sun 08-Oct-23 10:14:53

My youngest daughter had five miscarriages. It was totally heart breaking for them and for me. She is one of life's 'high achievers', had never failed anything she attempted, and then this continued to happen. As she was in a different country I could n ot even give her a cuddle.

Thanks to the wonderfull work at St Mary's hospital in Paddington, they now have two daughers (aged 11 yrs and 13 yrs.), although she still remembers her five little 'stars',

Rosie51 Thu 14-Sept-23 19:25:28

Just caught up with this, so very sorry at the sad outcome Lizbethann. You'll all be grieving the loss of the baby. I love the simplicity of your suggested words Mama2020, it's just perfect.

Mama2020 Thu 14-Sept-23 01:30:44

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I suppose you’ve already spoken, but I think simple is often best: “I know nothing I say can make this any easier, but I am here for you and I am so sorry.”

Shelflife Thu 14-Sept-23 00:34:56

Lizbethann, I am sad to read your news, like everyone else I was hoping for good news. Your DS and DIL will grieve in their own way and you will be a great support for them, they will eventually manage their sadness. I have supported my DD through this , two miscarriages followed by a distressing ectopic pregnancy. They now have two wonderful little daughters! Just be there without being intrusive, your GD will since her parents sadness, and you will be there for her too. Thinking of you . 💐💐

V3ra Wed 13-Sept-23 23:13:37

A very sad day for all of you xx

rafichagran Wed 13-Sept-23 21:32:02

So sorry.

luluaugust Wed 13-Sept-23 21:19:21

Sorry to hear your news flowers

Grammaretto Wed 13-Sept-23 20:59:29

So sorry' Lizbethann. It's so sad.

crazyH Wed 13-Sept-23 20:48:14

Sorry to hear the sad news flowers

MayBee70 Wed 13-Sept-23 20:36:45

So sorry flowers. It’s so hard, when our children are hurting, to be strong when our hearts are breaking for them.

Jaxjacky Wed 13-Sept-23 20:29:15

How very sad for you all Lizbethann my condolences.

vintage1950 Wed 13-Sept-23 19:33:46

flowers My daughter had two miscarriages between her daughter and her son.

Shinamae Wed 13-Sept-23 18:51:11

Lizbethann55

Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts. I have found them so reassuring. Sadly , they have lost the baby. I suppose that now the hard task of grieving and then moving on must start.

Very sad for you and your family
My daughter had an ectopic pregnancy followed by three miscarriages. She now has a healthy seven year old boy and four-year-old daughter…

BridgetPark Wed 13-Sept-23 18:44:47

So sorry for you, and all your family. Nothing can really be done to ease their sadness, other than being the wonderful kind parents that you are. God Bless

Lizbethann55 Wed 13-Sept-23 18:28:02

Thank you all. X