Is it ok not to attend the funeral of a brother?

Condolences, tanith

I think it's understandable that your sister is reluctant to go, it's a long drive and she is 81. Driving really is not a pleasure now, particularly on motorways.
It would be perfectly all right, imo, for her to telephone or write to your sister-in-law and explain, which I am sure she will do.
You will be there to represent that side of the family too.

That seems fine to me too.

I also think it’s fine, tanith.

I think that is fine too, tanith.

I think that is perfectly fine. We've had a similar situation in our family and the person who couldn't attend, sent a note to be read out and quietly remembered her sibling as in "being with you in spirit" on the day of the funeral, with her own family - a small gathering of remembrance.

Also, many funeral services now are "live streamed" for people who cannot attend.

Condolences on the loss of your brother. 💐

nanaK54

Absolutely fine and I'm sorry for loss

Agreed on both counts. You could take a small gift for his widow from your sister, but I'm sure she will understand whatever you do.

I’m sorry you’ve lost your brother. Even if you weren’t close, it’s still a loss.

How upset do you think your brother’s family would be if your sister doesn’t attend? Will they be understanding? Though at 81yo I think she can be excused. Will the funeral be streamed online so she can watch?

I see nothing wrong with this tanith. I'm sure your s.i.l. will appreciate you both having put together some of your memories, and I doubt she was unaware of the lack of closeness in your relationship.

I'm sorry for your loss, even if not close losing a family member isn't easy .

Absolutely fine and I'm sorry for loss