Normal feeling?

I’m so sorry for the pain you are going through. I feel like you need some support. Could you tell one of your children how low you are feeling? It would be a small step in the right direction. Sending you a big hug.

KGee I have told my son that I don't know how long I can carry on without him. He listened but didn't comment. My daughter is too fragile to hear this. Thank you for your kind hug x

You can call the Samaritans

126 123 to talk to someone xx

I’m sorry for your loss 1 year is no time at all but feels like forever xx

116 123 is the number for the Samaritans x I have fat fingers

Please ring your GP first thing tomorrow. A mental health emergency is every bit as important as any other emergency. I’m very concerned about you x

KGee is correct PLEASE contact your GP as soon as you can. You most definitely need support to help you through this crisis. I can only imagine how distressed you are. Your GP will help and hopefully make you a referral to a counselor - they do amazing work . Don't hesitate , make that initial appointment. I too am worried about you and the thinking of you. 💐

I think you are quite normal. There really is no "proper" way to feel.

I wasnt helped by Cruise, though I wanted to be. It was during Lockdown when it happened to me and I needed to be with people, not speak to a stranger on the phone.

I found that a daily walk helped me and seeing a few good friends whenever possible.

Like you nanny2507 I didn't find my DC could help as they are fragile. too.

I found a lot of support on these threads, not just the bereavement ones.
Try the suggestions on here. Often someone's experience will help you through.
Its a cliché but true that it does get better in time. Give it time.

My lovely friend felt like you. She found a bereavement walking group and now has a little support group. She says some times she doesn't want to talk and just walks "alongside" her walking friends.

I know you said you don't want people but maybe this isn't quite the same as face-to-face?

Thinking of you.

nanny2507 it always saddens me when people say they have killed themselves or don't want to be here after their husband has died. What would your husband say? I think he would be very angry. Bear with me as this will be a long ramble but there is a point to it.

If you are dieing or facing an awful disease like motor neurone then you have the right to end your life nearer the time.

I was born disabled with a hole in my heart. I met my husband when I was 16 and he was 18. He always knew I was in constant pain and fell a lot. But that didn't phase him . He wanted me . Never thought it would last . But we loved eachother very much he was the other half of me and I was his.

My health got worse in 1988 our children were 4 and 6 months. Didn't phase him one but he just said we alter our way of life to suit you and be a normal family. And we where only thing I couldn't do was go out by myself because of the pain and my limb jerks which started . But I was a hands on mom . When we went out I was in a wheelchair for years while the children where young as my walking was so bad. I used a stick from when I was 29.

I always thought I would die first and was prepared for it. But it was my fit healthy husband who was diagnosed with grade 4 malignant melanoma January 2001 we always knew he wouldn't live 5 years. Only me and the children knew. He didn't want anyone else to know so after the cancer was removed and skin graft as far as everyone else was concerned he would be ok as he didn't need and chemo or radiotherapy. He didn't in his words want anyone to treat him as dead man walking.

We lived a full life with the sword of Damocles hanging over us. It fell October 2003 he was given 4 months to 2 years. And what he feared happened people treated him differently so he cut them out of his life. His own mom said oh . My in laws where horrible people but my husband loved them didn't like them. But every Sunday we went and if they kicked off we walked out but went back the next week. My father in law called me defective.

I had to threaten my parents who loved the bones of him if they treated him differently he wouldn't see them.

He died in agony at home with me and the children unable to breath even on full oxygen. He was unconscious. But before that he had talked to our son by himself for hour and talked to our daughter who was coming back from uni on the train for a couple of hours.

I lay by his side and looked at the children and told him we would be ok he died a few minutes after This was 2004 ,4 days after after his 47th birthday. He didn't live the 4 months.

My darling man had 6 tumours and we talked about his funeral at Christmas he just said do what you want. We are atheists so had a non religious funeral no flowers but raise over £5,000 for the cancer ward that treated him.

My husband was a wise man he knew what I needed to live without him I was 45. It was a series of promises which I have kept everyone. The main one was to live the best life I can. But until I moved here in 2019 I couldn't as I had both parents and mother in law to look after until mom was the last to died in 2017.

The moment my husband died I lost half of myself and haven't been whole since this is what you are feeling. When our other half's died we lost our present and future and making a new present and future is hard . But we owe it to them to live .

It's been 20 years since my husband died and my love and grief for him is stronger as the years go by. I called the first 10 years of widowhood early grief. But grief is my constant companion and even know it can be overwhelming.

Nannie you are grieving I hope you talk out loud everyday to your husband I promise it helps . I have swore at my husband,blamed him for dieing and leaving me on my own , I have shouted it's not fare, screamed and hit pillows. In the first couple of years I thought I had to be brave for everyone else. I was a fool. My children wanted me to go too a bereavement group which I did but it was useless the woman who ran it at the local cancer charity had done a 12 week course and was married , everyone else was 30-40 years older than me. They didn't understand how I felt. Luckily my children never asked me if it helped they just said was it ok . It was as they where nice people . I don't tell lies so they never knew it was useless. I stuck it out for 2 years until they both left home for good . I told them me and their dad had our time it was time for them to live theirs.

We are the lucky ones we found the other half of ourselves and loved and to love in return is precious. Some people live their whole lives and never find the other half of themselves. The grief is the price we pay for love . It is a high price to pay but I know my life would be empty without it . My husband was my one and only my one true love.
Your husband was yours .

I well remember not wanting to get dressed ,wash or brush my teeth but I had to because of my husband. He would have been disappointed in me if I didn't. Even though I ate I loss weight I call that grief weight loss. But I put it back on and more. My mom lost 3 st when my dad died when they where both 80 but she never put it back on.

Nanny why would you tell your son that . Sorry but that was cruel his dad died and his mom tells him she doesn't know how long she can carry on. Your children and grandchildren are grieving for their dad and granddad .

You owe it to your husband to live everyday to the full or what was the point of him loving you. I had 29 years and married 22 years. As you have grandchildren you must have been married lot longer than me . My husband always wanted to be a granddad he didn't live to know we have 5 grandson's.

I know this is harsh but we all need a wake up call . After my husband died my home wasn't home without him it was just a house. But I couldn't live my own life because I had people depandant on me. Even though disabled I put them first as I had my whole life since I was 11 as I used to look after my nan of a weekend when she was ill. 2 aunts looked after during the week and my dad took me over on a Friday and fetched me on Sunday . I was the oldest grandchild and only girl for 19 years until my only female cousin was born.

Because of looking after others after my husband died my health suffered but I didn't realise how much until after my mom died in 2017 .

Sorry my hands tremble and hit the post button. I just thought life had finally caught up with me. Then thought I had flu I couldn't see I was yellow. It was only when I had to call my GP she told me I was. I had jaundice and turns out 2 tablets I had been put on and been taking since 1992 caused it . I was seriously ill for 5 months this was my wake up call my life had to change as I was so ill all I caught do was think. Jaundice is a horrible thing and does terrible things to your body.

I thought about what I wanted out of life only 3 things move ,loss weight I was over 19st and get fit.

When my gastrologist discharged me after 5 months he told me people with my bilirubin levels normally died he wouldn't tell just how high they where. I vowed to put myself first from now on. Something my children had told me since their dad died . But I couldn't abandon people who needed me.

Nanny you are grieving but you must live . Take each day as it comes . Don't hold back the tears but you must look after yourself you have people who love you . Your life will never be the same but you can still have a life . Think what your husband would say and want you to do. I always make a negative into a positive even if it's something silly . If you look for a positive from a negative you will find something even if it's a funny cloud or pretty flower just anything .

Please no more talk of taking your own life . That's an easy way out but you would leave behind carnage. It takes more courage to live dieing is easy living without your other half the love of your life is hard but you owe it for the love and life you shared. Without your husband you wouldn't have your children or grandchildren. What gives me comfort is my children and grandchildren carry part of my husband in their DNA. So my husband lives on in them.

My husband supported me thought some awful heath problems and he never lived to find out what I was born with . It's 2 years today I finally had my diagnosis for my neurological condition and it's rare. And only detected because my new neurologist had my whole genome genetically tested. Luckily my neurologist put me on a tablet in March 2020 which stopped my limb jerks and 4 months if seizures. My limbs have been still ever since after 32 years of not being able to control them. Ironically in 2020 found out about the hole in my heart. On treatment for both conditions.

The first person I wanted to tell was my husband so I just said it out loud . His love for me never wavered no matter how ill I was not did my mine for him . He is my husband still and always will be .

Nanny you are still married and still have a husband and if you are religious you will met again but not yet . You have to life for him and for yourself . It's early days but you can still have a good life not the one you want but a new one and it's hard but never give up fighting everyday . And embrace your grief as you embrace the love you shared and still have for your husband. And talk about him and to him .

This hasn't been easy to write as it brings back memories but if only one thing I have said gives you a wake up call then it was worth my tears.

You have been and still are loved carry that with you everyday. And let your grief out . I can't say it will get easier as my grief for my husband gets worse as the years go by as he has missed so much. But you can have a good life. But it takes time . So be grateful you wake every morning and live. 💐

Sorry about the typos but my hands tremble all the time but hope what I have said makes sense .

Here's another hug for you. If I have learned one thing from GNet it is that bereavement is hard and a year is just the first step. Hard for you that Easter is all around and for you it is such a sad reminder.

The last 3 sentences of Whiff's post are so important.

Here's a hug from me.

It was 2 years yesterday since my husband's death. I understand your feelings. I've had them myself from time to time.
Do please see your GP and take the advice of others who have posted here.
Getting out and mixing with people, walking etc helped me. That and the fact that I know that my husband would have wanted me to carry on and enjoy my life as best as I could.
Sending you a virtual hug. X 💐

Very sorry to hear you are suffering like this.

I just want to join those wanting to support you. Cruise isn't for everyone, it wasn't for me, they wanted to come to my home and for my dogs to be locked away. Given my dogs were the only reason I was continuing to function and my home was my safe space I politely declined. I second those who suggest talking to your gp, you may need some short term help to get through. I have never told my children how bad I sometimes feel, my own mum was constantly telling me she wanted to die and that was a heavy burden to carry. Anniversaries are hard as are bank Holidays when all the talk is of family get together and we don't have the only person we really want. Things will ease a bit in time, you don't " get over it" but you do learn to go on although life is very different. Let yourself grieve, I made the mistake of trying to " pull myself together " for other people and haven't been able to cry for the entire 5 years. You will have happy times again. I'm not a religious person so can't say I'll pray for you, but I am holding you in my thoughts.

Please follow the kind and good advice here and make an appointment with your GP. It’s just two years since my husband was given an unexpected devastating diagnosis. He died six months later. I thought I’d some experience of bereavement but this loss has been so much shocking and overwhelming.
You’re only one year into life without your husband. That is so recent and it sounds as though you’re blaming yourself, regretting things you didn’t do. That’s all part of grief but knowing it’s ‘normal’ doesn’t make it easier to bear. Easter is a reflective period of time, these big holidays can be tough for those of us learning to live our new, rather solitary lives.
Be kind to yourself. Weep when you find the tears coming. Also, organise some treats. This weather doesn’t help but yesterday was bright, sunny , dry if cold here. I got wrapped up and had a walk. Free entertainment and the fresh air and exercise helped.
🌻

I would like to second the suggestion of contacting the Samaritans. They helped me through several bleak nights after my husband died. They can help to prop you up till you are able to talk to your GP, which I think you should do, because of the thoughts you are having about wishing your life would end.
Life without your other half is so hard ... everything about you is programmed to be part of that couple. But I am 4 years down with the lie and know that there will be good moments in amongst the sadness.
Find one thing to achieve each day, however small ... just having a shower maybe, or going in the garden. It does help.
Sending another hug from me ..... there are so many people here who know what you are going through.

Julia Samuels writes about grief and has podcasts and a fb page. Its of some help, possibly.

I’m so sorry you feel like this but angst and guilt are very common feelings after bereavement; guilt for things you think you should have done, and for things you left unsaid. It’s truly horrible. Try and focus on the things you did do and did say that helped him to know how much you loved him. That, and the strength of our long relationship, are what have kept me going for the last two years. Bereavement advice did not work for me, but my GP was incredibly kind when I needed her. You’ll find the ability to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Please be kind to yourself and give yourself time.

I can only echo what others have said above. Please get in touch with your GP as a first step as soon as they are open. Just talking in a safe, non-involved (as opposed to family who are also upset) environment is a start. You have made the first step by posting on here. That is excellent. Now take one more step and ask for professional help. By the way, there is no 'normal' after bereavement. Everyone is unique and their feelings are just that - their feelings, so don't look for normality. ASK FOR HELP. Please.

I’m with everyone else here. Firstly sending you huge hugs.

It’s early days and please don’t give up on life.

Wishing you so many good and positive wishes x

Put a kind bubble around yourself, know that you need to become a strong person again and that starts with kindness and try and turn negative into positive

We all grieve at different rates and in different ways but personally, I know it took an effort to step outside of myself. It helped me to know that my husband does not have to cope with that and I can take on that parent and grandparent role for the two of us

There are sensible, warm, loving suggestions here. If I may I’ll add my voice to those advising a chat with a GP as soon as you can and to call Samaritans when you’re feeling bleak or just need to hear a voice. Grief isn’t the same for everyone, what’s right for one isn’t for another. There’s no foolproof recipe. Cherish and nurture the less difficult times, gradually they will grow. Come back and chat here if you’d like to. Always someone to care and listen. X