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Bereavement

Widower dating after 6 years, hides and wears wedding ring when he goes out alone

(34 Posts)
Rebecca344 Thu 16-May-24 09:47:51

Advice please. I’m dating a widower of 6 years. Been dating 6 months and he asked me to get engaged on Valentines. I’ve just been told that when he goes out alone, he puts his wedding ring back and removes it before coming home to me. Can I get peoples views on this please. Am I right to feel concerned that perhaps he is not emotionally ready to date or marry me

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 16-May-24 09:53:56

Have you not asked him why he does this?

Sago Thu 16-May-24 10:01:04

How reliable is the source?

Davida1968 Thu 16-May-24 10:02:32

Communication is the linchpin of any good relationship, IMO. As Germanshepherdsmum says; Just ask him!

Grandmabatty Thu 16-May-24 10:07:53

Getting engaged after only six months seems rather rushed to me. I would be wary of the person who told you this though. What do they have to gain? As others have said, just ask him.

Theexwife Thu 16-May-24 10:23:37

Nobody on here would know why he does this, ask him.

Could just be that he wants to wear his wedding ring all the time as he is used to it but takes it off when with you out of respect. He has chosen to date you, if he didn’t want to he wouldn’t.

Shelflife Thu 16-May-24 10:25:20

Yes , do ask him about this and do be very careful!

Squiffy Thu 16-May-24 10:26:23

Perhaps it’s to show other women that he’s unavailable?

Grammaretto Thu 16-May-24 10:30:35

Have you ever seen him wearing the ring Rebecca?
I would guess he is used to wearing it and only takes it off in respect for you.
It seems he misses his married status.

Callistemon21 Thu 16-May-24 10:42:13

Are you dating or living together?
Sorry, I'm confused.

Why shouldn't he wear his wedding ring? He's not married to you; if you get married then perhaps he could move it to his right hand or keep it safely somewhere.

Katie590 Thu 16-May-24 10:57:46

If it true I wouldnt worry about him respecting his wife, as far as being engaged what matters is his commitment to you. He sounds a good man don’t let any ring bug you.

MissAdventure Thu 16-May-24 11:00:39

It doesn't bode well for the future if you're unable to discuss these things.

Ask him.

henetha Thu 16-May-24 11:02:48

I agree. Ask him. It's important you know why he does this.

M0nica Thu 16-May-24 11:14:47

If you do not want to ask him this question outright. Ought you to look at this relationship and look for other things you wouldn't ask him.

A good relationship is based on open communication, and if that is lacking, shouldn't you think long and hard about entering into any commitment.

Callistemon21 Thu 16-May-24 11:41:20

I don't understand why you say you are living with him but call it dating.

If you don't mind me saying, Rebecca344, you do sound very young indeed and he could be a lot older than you.

Are you sure you're ready for a long-term commitment if you can't even ask him about this?
You don't say where he's going when he goes out.
To work, to the pub or have you no idea? You obviously don't trust him.

Not a good basis for a relationship, let alone marriage.

Millie22 Thu 16-May-24 11:46:39

Rebecca
Really? Ask him as no-one else can answer for him.

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 16-May-24 11:46:51

I’m confused too. Dating and living together (which ‘coming home to me’ infers) are not the same thing. Your statement that he asked you to ‘get engaged on Valentines’ (when presumably you had been together for only three months) sounds as though it was written by a very young person.

Whiff Fri 17-May-24 06:39:43

Rebecca did you get engaged? As you haven't made it clear. You say he comes home to you are you living together? Your post isn't clear plus you say you have been told he doesn't wear his wedding ring when without you who told you ? How long was he married before his wife died? Has he got any children and do you have any ? If yes to both those questions what do they think?

If you truly want advice you need to give more information.

BlueBelle Fri 17-May-24 06:53:03

You’re concerned ? I m concerned that he asked you to get engaged after 3 months !!!!
Like others say you sound very young and inexperienced
No one here can answer this question for you and who are these people telling you? Have you got someone following him how else can they know he takes his ring on and off its not something you’d automatically notice

Curtaintwitcher Fri 17-May-24 06:56:41

Wearing a ring on the left ring finger means the wearer is in a committed relationship, not necessarily married. I wear my wedding ring when I'm in a social setting because it's an indication that I'm not available. I'm not interested in getting involved with anyone.

BlueBelle Fri 17-May-24 07:02:56

I can manage to not get involved with anyone without wearing a ring curtsintwitcher 🙃

M0nica Fri 17-May-24 07:57:49

Whether they are just dating or living together, there is a lack of open communication in this relationship which needs to be dealt with before the relationship gets more committed.

Germanshepherdsmum Fri 17-May-24 08:29:33

Did anyone read the later duplicate thread in which he had been widowed for nine years, they had been dating for nine months (how time flies in just a few hours!), and presumably after reading my comment above about ‘getting engaged’ there was a change to him having asked her to marry him?

Redhead56 Fri 17-May-24 08:36:31

Is he a widower or just sampling if the grass is greener elsewhere it does sound far fetched.

NotSpaghetti Fri 17-May-24 08:38:24

Obviously not very old - as who, over say, 30 or 35 would say on Valentines.

My thought was a young person with no parents who wanted "older person" perspective.

Please come back and give us some more info... if you are genuine.