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Bereavement

My friend has a few weeks to live.Not sure if this is a good idea?

(44 Posts)
avitorl Fri 19-Jul-24 17:47:17

Today my friend phoned to tell me she has only a few weeks of her life left before she dies.She is sleeping a lot and when awake is constantly being sick.She only wants her daughters to visit and I completely accept and understand that.
Over the last 10 years she has been a huge help and support to me.I don't think she can realise how important she has been to me.I am wondering if writing a letter to tell her that is a good idea or not? Please help.

nanaK54 Fri 19-Jul-24 17:52:36

I think that would be a lovely thing to do.
Sending kindest thoughts to you and your dear friend flowers

merlotgran Fri 19-Jul-24 17:52:49

I would write the letter to her daughters and let them decide whether or not to read it to their mother.

Even if they think it would upset her too much they might take comfort in knowing how close your friendship was.

A sad time for you 💐

NotSpaghetti Fri 19-Jul-24 17:53:46

Yes, definitely.

I'm so sorry to hear you sad news.

Tuaim Fri 19-Jul-24 17:54:30

Would you be able to contact one of her daughters? Is she still at home or in a hospice? If in a hospice, what do the staff advise? Perhaps compose the letter to allow yourself to express exactly how you feel and put it to one side until you get more info from her family. I imagine it would depend on whether your conversations are very close with her. If you are close, perhaps you could express it in a comforting sort of way. Difficult one. Whatever you do, I wish you all the best and with your decision.

rafichagran Fri 19-Jul-24 17:55:37

I am sorry about your friend. Personally I think writing her a letter would be lovely.
You have respected her wishes, and I think she would be pleased to know how much the fremiendship meant to you.

sodapop Fri 19-Jul-24 18:02:49

I agree with rafichagran send the letter telling her how her friendship has helped you and how much you care about her. I'm so sorry her last weeks are so uncomfortable.

Allsorts Fri 19-Jul-24 18:05:42

Write to her, telling her how important she is to you and how much you care for her. You will regret it if you don't.

Cossy Fri 19-Jul-24 18:09:23

Yes, do write a letter.

Thinking of you, it’s awful when our dear friends die. flowers

Redhead56 Fri 19-Jul-24 18:14:16

What a lovely idea write her a letter she will know how you value her. She is dying but will have a smile on her face when she reads your kind words.
So very sorry for you at this difficult time. You will have lovely memories of your friend for the rest of your life.

Romola Fri 19-Jul-24 18:28:07

Yes, do write a letter, send an email or text to her phone, whatever.
The last smile I saw on my husband's face, about two days before he died, was when I read him a text from our best man to say thank you for a valued friendship over all the years. That was important to me too, as I told our best man.
Do it

LovesBach Fri 19-Jul-24 18:32:16

This is a lovely idea; while she is resting she can read your kind words and realise just how much she has meant to you. That, and the loving care of her family will hopefully mean that she has a peaceful end to her life. I'm sorry to hear of this impending loss for you -it is hard to lose a dear friend.

Chocolatelovinggran Fri 19-Jul-24 18:37:49

I am sorry to hear of this. I agree with everyone about a letter. May I add that it would be good to keep it short and focused.
Your friend is so poorly that her attention span is likely to be limited.
You could follow up with writing a letter of condolence to the daughters, later.

Astitchintime Fri 19-Jul-24 18:38:03

I agree with the suggestion for you to write a letter to you friend to let her know how that you are keeping her in your thoughts. Also, do let her daughters know that you are there for them too, particularly when the inevitable happens.
Treasure the memories that the two of you have created in your friendship flowers

MissInterpreted Fri 19-Jul-24 18:39:45

I would definitely write a letter. I am sure it would be much appreciated by your friend, and her family too.

Celieanne86 Fri 19-Jul-24 18:45:20

Yes please do it now while she's is still alive. People send letters of condolance after death which is lovely. I had quite a few after my husband died and many times I said to my children after reading them how I wish your dad had known how much people thought of him.

Bobbysgirl19 Fri 19-Jul-24 18:53:20

I personally would do as merlotgran has suggested . Your friend has so much to deal with emotionally at a time like this, I know a letter would help you, as you can express your gratitude, but not sure if she could handle it without getting upset, but her daughter will have a pretty good idea of what to do!
Just my opinion.

Shelflife Fri 19-Jul-24 18:58:55

I agree , do send her a letter. It will mean so much to her but will also be important to her daughters. A very sad time and very difficult for you . She thought it important to ring you and tell you her life was ending soon , that demonstrates how important you are to her and all the more reason to write a short but loving letter. Please don't hesitate.

pascal30 Fri 19-Jul-24 19:00:01

Yes write a short letter telling her how much you love her and have appreciated your friendship... I think both she and her daughter would be touched by your thoughts..

JaneJudge Fri 19-Jul-24 19:09:14

Write her a letter xx 💋

petra Fri 19-Jul-24 19:17:05

My friend of 40 years made more or less the same request, I accepted her wishes.

Cadeby Fri 19-Jul-24 19:47:28

Poor lady, I hope she is being cared for kindly and you can be kind to yourself.

Grandmabatty Fri 19-Jul-24 19:53:04

I think it's a lovely idea. Definitely send it to her daughter who will be able to read it to her mum if she wants. I was able to say all the things I wanted to my oldest, dearest friend before she died. We both cried but it comforted me and her and she knew how much she was loved.

karmalady Fri 19-Jul-24 19:54:39

Avitor1, I have just been through similar. They have appreciated me always being here for them but also appreciated me not visiting, they have enough with family and extended family.

foxie48 Fri 19-Jul-24 19:56:23

I was in the same situation last year with a friend of forty years who unfortunately had an unexpected stage 4 cancer diagnosis and became very ill, very quickly. I wrote her a letter and she read it the day before she died. When her husband rang me to tell me the sad news he made a point of mentioning how touched she had been by my letter and I am so glad that I sent it.