Mothers ‘rights’ at her sons funeral

Mynxie of course you are in shock. No parent wants to out live their child and I am sure you will be a power of strength to your son's partner and your grandchildren.

I didn't mean to imply you are anything like my in laws especially my mother in law. And if she wants your input into the funeral she will ask. That may be while you have time together at the seaside.

When we got married we discussed what our funerals would be and what we did and didn't want. I was born disabled and from 1988 when my health got worse I was prepared to die first. But it was my fit healthy husband who got cancer and died in 2004. He said at Christmas he wanted to get too his 47th birthday in February we got him there and he died 4 days later. We where prepared for him to die because we knew from his diagnosis he wouldn't live 5 years . But only me and the children knew he didn't want to be treated as in his words like a dead man walking.

And unfortunately when he was terminal he cut people out of his life who treated him differently. I had to tell my parents if they did he wouldn't see them. My parents gave him the love and attention he never had from his own parents .

I can not imagine the pain you are going through. As grief is different for parents ,spouses / partners and children . I have come to understand there are more griefs in life that just that for a loved one dieing.

I wish I could say you and your husband and sons partner will ever stop grieving. As I grieve for my husband everyday as he has missed so much of our children's lives . But grief is the heavy price we pay for loving someone unconditionally. But our lives would be the poorer for never loving them in the first place.

You are all at the numb stage of grief where it doesn't feel real but it is. I hope for your grandchildren's sake that they have videos of time spent with their father ready for when they are older and understand more .
🌹

So sorry for your loss. It sounds as though you have a great relationship with your son’s partner. I think she will be pleased to include your suggestion. I had no input from anyone else when arranging my husband’s service ( but lots of practical and emotional support) but I knew best what sort of music he loved. I believe funerals are for the living, so songs / hymns which are meaningful to you are important.

I agree - my son took his own life and the only request he left in a letter regarding his funeral was where he wanted it held. It won’t be for a long time yet as there are coroners reports and an autopsy to be arranged so there is plenty of time to discuss the other arrangements.

Sincere condolences Mynxie to you and your family. I love the idea of the inscription on the bracelet. Why don’t you do it any way? Perhaps organising it in time to wear at the funeral.

You clearly have a great relationship with your son’s partner, and I so hope that you can have the beautiful song played at his funeral.

Mynxie for your son to take his own life is the worst kind of bereavement. How you and your husband and his partner and children will ever recover from that I have no idea. There are other GN members here who have gone through the same thing I only hope they get in touch with you . As they can understand what you are going through and their experience will help you . As that kind of loss is like no other.

Mynxie I am sorry for your loss and the grief and confusion in your mind too as well as maybe anger and thoughts that you could have prevented it if only you had done this , that , or something different.

I too lost a daughter who took her own life and if you would like to PM me I am happy for you to do this.

These are very early days for you, so many questions and so few answers my heart goes out to you[

I'm sending you many condolences .
How terrible for you and for his family .
I think that it's entirely reasonable to request a song . 💐

Just an update - the funeral is being held at the beginning of September and I am having my choice of music played, although I have changed my mind to a more upbeat Beatles record in the meantime (he was a huge Beatles fan)

Still very early days and I’m still reeling from grief but we had a family meeting to arrange the service and everyone has had their wishes accommodated, including his children.

I’ve also had my bangle engraved and it’s a comfort to me - it was done so well and was exactly what I had in mind.

Thanks for all your posts, it does help just knowing others are thinking of me xx

That sounds like an excellent result. Mynxie.

I hope it goes well, and that you get as much closure as you can. .

You must be numb with grief. My heart goes out to you.
Is there any reason, other than possible time issues, why you should not include your special song? I have been to funerals where short extracts from longer songs and pieces of music have been played. Surely, as his mother, you will be allowed some input.
Lovely song, by the way and very appropriate.

Thank you for updating us, Mynxie. I hope all goes well for the funeral and you will all be surrounded with love.

Mynxie, there are no words of comfort. I am glad a choice of music is being played. Love to you and your family x

Please accept my condolences. I don't think that is a lot for a mother to ask at her son's funeral and truly hope that you have your wish is fulfilled.

So glad you got the result you wanted. So much extra grief can be caused by warring families. We have a really sad story in our local paper, a lady who had a long term partner and 2 young teenage children has said she was on a temporary break from the relationship. He died suddenly and his Mum decided not to notify his partner and children and organised a cremation - no funeral or wake. His partner has had to go to court for an injunction to stop this happening and for her to organise a full funeral. The poor man has been dead months and I think still no resolution.
I of course don’t know the full story but feel sad for his children.

Indigo8

You must be numb with grief. My heart goes out to you.
Is there any reason, other than possible time issues, why you should not include your special song? I have been to funerals where short extracts from longer songs and pieces of music have been played. Surely, as his mother, you will be allowed some input.
Lovely song, by the way and very appropriate.

Sorry Mynxie I started to write my message before your update appeared. I am so glad that your song will be included.
I am a Beatles fan too. Which song did you settle for in the end?

Here Comes the Sun - it’ll be played as we leave as a message of hope for the future
You’re all so kind, thank you ❤️

I love, here comes the sun

Mynxie

Here Comes the Sun - it’ll be played as we leave as a message of hope for the future
You’re all so kind, thank you ❤️

Beautiful choice Mynxie
I wish you strength and peace

Mynxie
The song choice is lovely:
Out of the darkness and into the light.

The light will eventually return albeit differently. Stay strong whilst waiting for it 💙 x

Mynxie- sending you a virtual hug. It sounds as if you have reached a good compromise with the family in this terrible situation.
I hope that the sun will return for you. Whilst you wait, be kind to yourself,.

So sorry to hear your news - sending a hand hold.

Have a chat with his partner. Hopefully she will be happy with your choice, but if not you may have to go with that flow as you have the future to think about and your relationship with your GC.

I hope she is OK with it.

Sorry - I missed your update. I am glad that you have been able to add your idea to the service and hope that it will all be a fitting tribute to your son.

So pleased to see that everything has worked out for you Mynxie including the bracelet inscription.
A beautiful choice of song too.

Quick update – the funeral was today and it all went as well as it possibly could do. I must admit I was dreading it but I needn’t have done as it proved to be an uplifting and ultimately healing event, although terribly sad of course.
I’m glad I chose the Beatles song I did – so many people remarked afterwards that it was good to end on a positive note. Thank you for all your kind words and thoughts - they really helped me through a difficult time.