Missing someone

I cannot listen to any of the songs of the late 60s and early 70s when we got together. I miss out on lots of lovely music which I would enjoy but simply cannot cope with them at all.

Music always does it for me as well. I feel quite wrung out having tried out my new Bluetooth speaker this afternoon. I listened to some playlists on Spotify I’ve been avoiding because they were created for happy occasions like our Golden Wedding party and my 70th.

It had to be done. Neil Diamond was the worst! 🥲

Gymstangran good news about your granddaughter. Hope you get to see her soon.
Luckygirl it’s hard isn’t it not to feel sad at times like celebrations or good news when someone special is missing.

Luckygirl the celebratory occasions and the worrying times are hard without the ones we loved

Good to hear your GD is through the operation.

I shed a few tears last night - I was at my SIL's 50th birthday party and my GSs were playing live in a rock/jazz band - they are both so very talented, and I know how proud my OH was of them - if only he could have been there. And they missed him too.

Thank you for your good wishes. I'm missing her today. She lives in London and I live in the Midlands. I shall see her again next weekend.

Gymstagran glad your granddaughter is home and hope they will soon find out what the infection is . And she can get the correct antibiotic . Home is always best for recovery. Having you makes all the difference. 💐

Sounds like your gd has been through the mill but once they know the type of infection she is given the relevant anti biotics.
Wishing you both well.

Hi Crosstichfan the operation went well but she was in a lot of pain afterwards. She was discharged on Friday but has to have iv antibiotics for 4 weeks and physio to help her walk again. The antibiotic type might change depending on what is found out from the cultures of the pus they washed out of her ankle. St Marys Paddington school of infectious diseases is doing the research. Thank you for your concern.

Gymstagran

I've been reading this thread from the start and tried several times to express how I was feeling but failed. Now missing my daughter has become more acute. I am currently staying in hospital with my granddaughter who has an infected ankle and is facing an operation today to remove the infection. How I wish my daughter was here to talk too.

Just wondered how your granddaughter is after her operation. She is lucky to have her loving gran with her. I hope it all went well.

Cabbie thank you. What helped me is moving here I choose all different colours to my old house . And surprised myself with the colours I choose. But very happy with my choices . Having new bedding helped after my husband died as I choose something different to what he would have liked. And changed my bedding again when I moved to match my new colours. Still my old furniture as we brought very good quality. And added a few new pieces . Even my garden only has things I like. It's strange but freeing choosing new colours ,plants etc.

My York holiday dispelled the ghosts from 2005 and looked at York with fresh eyes. Even looking at the minister and the hotel I stayed at I didn't feel anything which made me happy.

Lovely you are in the choirs . I love singing but only have a voice for me ears . Singing is freeing and the social side is very important for your mental health and physical well-being.

Change is scary but your husband would be proud of you for getting on with your life. He is always with you in your mind and heart. And love never dies ..

silverlining thank you. Writing it down helps hence my rambles. It's not having my other half to tell everything to thats hard. You know what that feels like. I can talk to my daughter and friends but not as honestly as I can here . Only one person knew the real me and he died 20.5 years ago . No one will ever know the real me again . But at least I had him for 29 years .

See if you can find a way to continue your new hobby, Whiff. Or maybe see what other classes are available. It is good to have a regular focus on an activity. I have three choirs, but in the holidays when they stop I feel bereft. This summer I went on two singing summer schools to help bridge the gap.

So many decisions to make alone when your husband is no longer around to share them. I try to look for the positives.
I am about to have the decorator in. At least there will be no argument over colours. But the room will soon look very different from the one he knew and I find that a bit scary.

Glad it helped to write it down Whiff. Sorry your course was only 8 weeks but what a terrific experience you have had. Maybe you might keep in touch with one or two of the people you have met or they may re run the course, or a different one?
Enjoy next week and keep on with your new hobby.

I have talked about the grief overwhelming you without warning . Well it's hit me now . But unless I write this down it's going to hurt more . So please bare with me while I have a can't even find the words to describe how I feel . It just hurts so much it's making my physical pain worse and the tears are flowing .

I think I know why I have been going to a gel printing class at the Brain Charity and Wednesday will be our last class and that me feel sad . I know it's because I will miss all the people and getting paint on my hands and creating things that I am pleased with . It's a long day for me as well have to leave my home at 7.15am to get there between 9 -9.15 . I like helping getting the room ready ready for the class at 10. Being with others with disabilities makes me feel part of something bigger . This week it was my baking week and made ginger biscuits which everyone liked.

We are having an exhibition of our work at a library near to me. So will help set it up those that can get there will do too. It runs from the 1st until 12th. My husband would laugh but also be proud of me being an artist that's what our teacher calls us and I think it's funny. Me an artist . I can't keep my hands from shaking but I can do the gel printing. It's like when I do my cross stitch my hands don't tremble no idea why. I can't write long hand and when I can write it's very small because it takes lots of willpower to control my hand.

When I started the class I never thought of it ending . I wasn't told it would only be for 8 weeks. So it was a surprise when told this week next week is the last class.

My life has always run on routine and planning ahead but because I didn't know hadn't planned for the end . It's all part of having hereditary Hyperekplexia it's rare but others with it are like me planners and live by routine .

Sorry when so many of you are grieving but if I don't write this it will fester and I will hurt more .

Finally the tears have stopped and feel better . Thank you if you read this. 💔

I sent a photo of my grandson to a friend recently - he’s nearly 18 - and I hadn’t realised until I looked at that photo the resemblance he now bears to my late DH when we started going out together 58 years ago, when he was 23. Put the two photos side by side and it’s uncanny. If he grows up to be half the man his grandfather was, he won’t go far wrong. God, how I miss him!

Anniebach

Thank you Crosstitchfan our daughters were aged 5 and 7, so definitely carry on, but so many hopes and dreams and plans were squashed., and I was angry for him.
When our elder daughter married 15 years later, I sat in the
Cathedral, listened to their vows, felt such grief but couldn’t say
anything he should have been there with us.

Absolutely he should have been! How awful for you and your daughters, especially the elder one having her wedding without him. I felt for you, having to bring up a family alone.
There’s a saying that I use at times like this. It’s not inspiring, quite the opposite but sometimes it seems absolutely right. It’s ‘Life’s a bitch and then you die’. Said tongue in cheek but at times, actually so right.

Thankyou silverlining48

MissAdventure

I met a lady on the bus who said that she always saw her husband as the same handsome boy she had first met when they were teens. even though she was probably about 80 when we chatted.

She said she couldnt ever look at any other "old man" because she missed her handsome boy.

I know what she means. When I look at my photos of Dh when we first met as teenagers etc my heart can still flip 🥰
Another thing is none of us have stuck him on a pedestal. We still talk about him as the person he was which I find very comforting. I’ve found it especially this past weekend, with my siblings and their wives we were ordering a takeaway and my SiL mentioned that one particular dish was a favourite of my DH.

Thank you Crosstitchfan our daughters were aged 5 and 7, so definitely carry on, but so many hopes and dreams and plans were squashed., and I was angry for him.
When our elder daughter married 15 years later, I sat in the
Cathedral, listened to their vows, felt such grief but couldn’t say
anything he should have been there with us.

Anniebach

My husband died aged 30, as I aged I wondered, so much to wonder about.

Anniebach, I don’t know what to say! That is horrendous and I am so sorry. My uncle died at 33 (before my time) but apparently the whole family changed.
I do hope you are managing to have an enjoyable life, regardless. We have to carry on, don’t we? For the sake of others, mostly!

My husband died aged 30, as I aged I wondered, so much to wonder about.

MissAdventure

I met a lady on the bus who said that she always saw her husband as the same handsome boy she had first met when they were teens. even though she was probably about 80 when we chatted.

She said she couldnt ever look at any other "old man" because she missed her handsome boy.

Yes, I know how she feels! I couldn’t bear the thought of being with anyone else. I suppose that’s true love for you. It’s rare, apparently, but I will forever be grateful that I experienced it.

SueDonim

I think this thread has some of the most raw and honest posts I’ve ever read on GN. I’m facing huge challenges in my own family right now (I don’t want to go into details but they are life-changing) and your posts are both desolate and awe-inspiring.

Thinking of you all.

SueDonim,
You don’t know me, but I just wanted to say that I wish you the strength to cope with your challenges, whatever they may be. It sounds as though you are having to deal with more things than seem fair. Please look after yourself.

I met a lady on the bus who said that she always saw her husband as the same handsome boy she had first met when they were teens. even though she was probably about 80 when we chatted.

She said she couldnt ever look at any other "old man" because she missed her handsome boy.