Missing someone

I lost my elder daughter five years ago aged 49. Less than two years later DH (my rock and soulmate) also died. DD2 and I supported each other through the whirlpool of grief and within eight months I had sold my home of 45 years and moved four hours away from everything and everyone I knew to be nearer to her. Living on my own in an unfamiliar town when I’m a country girl through and through took courage I didn’t know I had.

I worried about making new friends while carrying a huge slab of grief that I didn’t want to show but although it’s bloody hard work being somebody you don’t recognise I always felt DD and DH were cheering me on.

I did it!

They both walk beside me in my new life and my little home is my sanctuary where I can weep with my grief when it strikes me unawares. My focus is being the best mum I possibly can be to DD2 who has to go through life without her big sis by her side.

Love and thoughts for all on this thread going through the pain of loss.
Stay strong!

NannyG4 when I had a better day I too felt guilty as though maybe I was getting over things. I soon realised you need to take the good days as a little reprieve from the sadness and pain because all to soon another wave of sorrow will come along and knock you over again. As time goes on the waves don’t come along so often but when they do the force is just as.overwhelming. Be glad of the better days and store them up in your mind so on your next bad day you can think well I might have a better day tomorrow.
Don’t forget there are many of us who all feel the same and can understand just how you are feeling.

Thankyou to you ALL for your kind comforting words, it really does help and I do not feel as alone....
I've had a better day and then I feel guilty for that....one day at a time!!
Love to you all...

So sorry.

NannyG4 even after 20.5 years my grief for my husband has only gotten worse. You not only lost your husband but half of yourself. Together you made a whole. And the moment your loved one takes their last breath your present and future died to. In a second you are no longer classed as a couple but single and I hate it . To me I am still married still Mrs and will always be . It's very hard to think of I instead of us . The longer you have been a couple the harder it is . When the only person who knew the real you and you them dies it's frightening to realise no one will ever know the real you ever again . A long with everything you have to cope with this I still struggle with this . And it physically and mentally hurts.

Even after all these years grief gets worse and can be overwhelming at times but I don't fight the tears or the need to shout at my husband for leaving me alone .

I have said many times finding the one person who makes you whole is so precious and to love and be so loved in return has a price and that's the bone crushing grief we feel when they die. But I feel lucky to have had that, some people live their whole lives and never know such love and total understanding. Grief is the heavy price we pay for love .

And in my experience the grief gets worse as the years go by but given time and I mean years you learn to cope.

Don't fight your feelings as the only person you will hurt is you . I foolishly thought it had to be brave for everyone else. But I was 45 what did I know about grief . My husband is forever 47 he is frozen in time . We where a couple 29 years married 22.

Whatever life throws at us we coped together and it's hard suddenly having to cope on your own and making all the decisions. But it takes time and you have to build your confidence.

This goes for everyone but know you are not alone and on threads here others understand and know how you feel . 🌹

Best wishes from me, too NannyG4.
I hope today is a better day for you, and if not, post again.

NannyG4 - I hope today will bring some good moments to treasure.

The isolation is terrible. Or the feeling of isolation.

www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/marie-curie-support-line

This is for everybody, and you get straight through to a kind person.

Doodle...... 💐💐

Still crying, its going to be one of those days.......

Thankyou all for your kindness.

NannyG4 i know exactly how you feel. Yes sadly we are far from alone and there are many who feel exactly the same. No matter how much you think you might understand this loss it’s not until it happens to you that you comprehend how completely alone you can feel even with friends and family.
I too can’t tell anyone how I really feel. Nothing anyone can do anyway, it’s just up to us.
Sending you a big hug, wish it could be in person x

I lost my son 40 years ago in December. I still miss him badly. I have 2 daughters and we are very close but they can never make up for him not being with us. Our family dynamics were forever changed when he died. I have lost other relatives and precious friends but no loss has ever been as bad as losing my son. Losing a child at whatever age takes bereavement to a whole new level. Hold your daughter in your heart, she will always be your daughter and you will always be her mother. I so feel for you please pm me if it would help.

The balance between sharing feelings with friends and family and putting on that brave face so that you do not become someone to avoid is a hard one to strike and can feel quite cruel. Why should we always be pretending? But we know that in general people want to hear happy things and in the end it helps us to engage with cheerful uplifting activities and company.

I am sure all my friends .. kind people every one .. have assumed I am at peace with my loss... it is 4.5 years now ... they get no sign of sorrow from me. They are of course wrong. There are days when it hits me like a brick.
Sending hugs to all in the same boat.

NannaG4, I know exactly how you feel. I just carried on, tried new things met a lot of people, had a lot of holidays, lived a life, its never going to be the same. You make a different one but never forget what you had,

I'm struggling..... I lost my DH, Rock, Best Friend and Soul Mate a couple of months ago. I'm truly heartbroken and just want to give up... I don't want to tell my family and friends how I feel.... I just keep it all to myself...
Sorry... Just need to offload.

I'm so sorry for all of you who are feeling lost snd struggling too. know reading all your posts I'm not alone I wish we could all get together for a group hug.....with love to you all ❤️💐

Yes, I understand that.
My daughter was my "sorter outer".
She would take things in hand, and deal with them.

Not that I necessarily need that, but it was good to know she was on my side, sometimes.

I used to feel 'safe' when my DH was here, if there was a problem he would always know what to do and get things sorted. I now live in a permanent state of anxiety about what's going to go wrong next, will I be able to cope etc. So many things have gone wrong in the last 2 years and I've eventually got through most of them, some still continuing and I try to tell myself I've got through this, that and the other OK so I can cope but it doesn't work and the anxiety doesn't go away.
I was having a good day last week and had to go to the hospital for an X-ray. I was completely floored when I was asked if my husband was my next of kin, the receptionist had to repeat the question and I was just speechless, just didn't expect it and was struck dumb. Luckily she looked up and saw the tears and just said sorry and left it at that.

Miss A I think this thread shows that there should be a permanent thread on GN about bereavement. So many people carrying on day to day pretending to be ok because that’s what’s expected of them or because they don’t want to upset others.
I have offloaded on GN the things I don’t tell my family about how bad I feel.
Allsorts I could have written your post myself. I feel really guilty because I have put myself out there. Joined things, made new friends cemented friendships with others and do my best to keep occupied and keep myself going but every day I think is this it now, my life. I’m forcing myself to meet people because if I stay home I’ll just drown in sorrow but I very much feel what’s the point. I just want to be with DH. Never needed anything but him and we were so very happy together.
Now I’m just existing day by day. I never thought it would be this bad. I’m hoping over time things will get better and I will start to enjoy life again. I will never be content. That’s what I really miss. That contentment and peace of being with Dh.
So many people have posted things here which resonate with me.
I am so very sorry to all those who have lost children. I can’t imagine that sort of loss.
Hope the thread continues and people can actually say how they feel because I’m sure many just bottle it all up.
Thank you Miss A

I know from experience exactly how you are feeling. The loss is sometimes too much to bear. Sending my love to you and all other people who are missing someone tonight.

Thank you for being brave enough to start this thread MissA and I’m so sorry to read you are struggling. I can’t imagine how painful it must be to lose a child. It’s beyond cruel. I admire you for soldiering on and trying to remain upbeat. Some of your posts on other threads make me laugh out loud and I know I’m not the only one who is cheered up by your contributions. So thank you 💐

My heart goes out to all of you who have lost loved ones and those who are facing serious health concerns with your nearest and dearest. SueDonim I’m so sorry to read of your worries. Your sad post moved me to tears. I hope you find some light at the end of the tunnel 💐

My closest friend of over 30 years died very suddenly 5 months ago and I’m still struggling to get my head round the fact that she’s gone. We were chatting and laughing on the phone just a few hours before she died. We spoke most days, went for long walks, shared our problems and often laughed till we cried. I miss her so much and life just isn’t the same without her.

MisAdventure I am so sorry you are feeling isolated and sad at the moment.

I lost my daughter too, nearly four years ago, and my mum just after her. Every day I think about them, often regretting the things I didn't do or say. That is the hardest part because it can never be changed.

for you, MsA. Joining you in your thoughts.

P.S. I don't put a box on my head.
I meant in

Thank you, crossstitchfan, and everyone else who has "braved"this thread.
I also know there are others who haven't wished to, but have had terrible losses, too.

Mine isn't a recent bereavement, by the way.
7 years, soon.

Oh how sad.
That really is awful.

It's terrible as well when you keep mulling it over, I find.
Terrible but necessary...

It is such a huge, far reaching, and long standing process, this grieving.
I had no idea...