Missing someone

Coops you say looking at your sister's coffin was hard . When it was my dad's funeral all I could think was the coffin was to big for him . It wasn't until his funeral that I really cried. There was so much to organise and dealing with my mom I just didn't have a minute and when I did I slept as my chronic fatigue was bad in those years. My brother helped when he could but he worked full time and long hours. Plus I had already dealt with my husband's funeral 3 years before . But my husband was super organised we knew he was going to die from his diagnosis, and when he was terminal changed everything yo my name apart from the house as it was in joint names . But he made lists of who to contact once he died and he always kept everything in files due to having to be organised for his job.

Everyday for you is going to be hard but Christmas makes everything worse and yet it's one day. Glad you will be spending it with your girls and grandchildren.

One thing about GN it's always open and anyone who feels upset.or just wants to talk there is always someone ready to listen and talk . And threads like this and others are vital as even in a crowd you can feel lost and alone with whatever you are dealing with .
💐To you all.

Thought I would you let you all know I managed to get through the day.It was a very sad day but we had lots of happy memories to talk to each other about.When I saw her coffin that was so hard .Her immediate family was given a rose to place on her coffin at the end of the service wow that was hard to.I now look forward to spending Christmas with my girls and the grandchildren.Its ok to be sad but my heart is broken.Thank you for all for listening to me .

Christmas always makes it worse for anyone who has their loved one die from November onwards . We are bombarded with adverts for happy families and large get togethers. Life isn't like that . There are happy family adverts or lonely dark lit adverts never anything in between. Life isn't black and white but many shades of grey. Christmas is one day our grief is everyday . Many people have loved ones who have died round Christmas time and new year and try any put on a brave face for other family members when inside they are heartbroken.

Because of my husband's love of Christmas I have never allowed myself to be sad on Christmas day but sob my heart out on Christmas eve if I need to . But I have been widowed be 21 years in February. Being a old hand you would think grief gets easier but I find it harder every year as he has missed so much.

Recently I have been very ill and my pain levels have been so high they made me cry . I haven't cried because of pain since my husband was alive . But I have been very frightened of going back to those bad old days. All caused but Adcal-D3 tablets my GP prescribed for my recently diagnosed Osteopenia in my left hip. Only took them for 2 weeks . All I wanted was my husband and have felt very sorry for myself which isn't me and hated feeling like it.

My daughter and friends commented how awful I looked said I was glad I looked as awful as I felt 😁. Thankfully my pain levels are bad to normal today ,levels I tolerate and can still live my life .

Try and remember the happy silly things your loved ones did and give yourself permission to smile today.

I my husband was a nut. One of the children said when they where young there where blind dogs for some madcap reason only known to him my husband did an impression of a blind dog and on all fours walked into the wall . Made the children laugh, and then we explained they meant guide dogs for the blind and how vital they where. And all the training they went through and how you never touch a dog in training or when it had its harness on as they where working dogs .

Even though your hearts are breaking know your loved ones are no longer in the pain they felt be it physical or mental . As both pains are hard to live with . 💐

Condolences from me, too Coops74
It's so close to Christmas, which seems to make it "worse", if there is even a worse or better time.
I hope you'll come back and use the thread when you need or want to.

Coops so sorry about your sister. You must miss her a lot.

It’s been2 weeks since my sister died so just feeling numb. She was 16 years older than me so when our Mum died I was in my thirty’s she took over her roll. She was poorly and didn’t want to recover and I know she is pain free and with her Husband and Son.

Whiff so sorry you’re in pain. When we’re ill or in pain we need that special person more.
Is the heat pad helping? I hope it eases soon. I like your light box.
granto3 I’m so sorry you find yourself in this position again, I think we all feel guilty in some way for not doing enough to save our loved ones, it seems so hard you have to face this loss again. I hope your current partner keeps good health as long as possible and you get some qualify time together.
Coops74 I’m so sorry about your sister. So hard when it Christmas time. You must miss her so much having such regular contact.
Fartoold what losses you have suffered. I’m so sorry. Your other children must help you through the days somehow. I admire your spirit for keeping going and looking after your family.
Whiff I agree. MissAdventure this is a good place for the bereaved (at any time) to come and share and get understanding.

Thank you for your kind words and I will always miss her her birthday would be on New Years Day.Also New Years Eve would have been my beautiful daughters birthday she died age 2.1/2 yrs from Leukaemia.And my Dad died on the 28th December so I feel lots of sadness during this time of year. I will enjoy Christmas with my family and especially our Grandchildren.

Fartooold we help eachother on this thread get through each day . And we all need understanding and kindness in this life . And that's what Miss A gave us a place to have that . 💐

Whiff it’s kindness like yours that get us through the bad days. Thankyou and I hope you all have a peaceful Christmas.

Fartoold lovely to hear from you . I well remember all you have been through . Your 3 children are so lucky to have a mom like you . And the love you have together gets you through everyday . And I know it can't be easy for you but you love and loved in return and that is precious and something to hold on to . 💐

Coops sorry about your sister. Unfortunately in my experience once the funeral is over it hits you more that they really have died . Try and have the best Christmas you can but don't think you can't cry just because it's Christmas . My husband loved Christmas he was a big kid. Because he loved it so much I made a pact with myself I could be sad and cry on Christmas eve but not Christmas day. And have kept it since he died in 2004. But it's not easy and this will be your first without her . If you can think of all the Christmas's you have had especially as children and the excitement of Father Christmas coming and it may make you smile . Try and keep to your usual Christmas traditions and raise a glass to your sister . She is forever with you in your heart and mind . If you are religious think you will met again . I still have my brother so don't know your pain . As you talked to your sister everyday continue to do so I promise it will help. I have talked to my husband everyday since he died in 2004 but also swore at him ,blamed him for dying and even if I can't get the lid off a jar I shout at him . But tell him everyday I love him and so glad I had his love and he had mine . When I have a rant I see him with that stupid grin on his face as if to say feeling better. Because of him dieing in 2004 have no videos or anything with his voice . But I can hear how he would phrase things .

Your sister will always be your sister and that bond will still be there the rest of your life. 💐

granto3 like you I do feel I have had more than my share of grief my son died in 2020 my lovely husband died 2022 and another son 2023 two had cancer. I just keep going as my 3 with Down Syndrome need me or rather I need them. Keep going grieving ladies we have no choice and take care

Oh no, what a time of year to face the death of someone.
It'd be nice if you could get into the feastive spirit a bit, but don't put any pressure on yourself.

I'm sorry about your sister.

I have just lost my beautiful sister who I spoke to every day.I am really struggling at the moment.My family have been amazing.Perhaps when Tuesday is over ( The Funeral) I may want to finally try to get into the Christmas spirt.💔💔💔💔

Definitely no jigging, madam!
Plenty of rest, lots of sitting about, to make sure you're OK for Christmas. (Well, as OK as you can be, you know?)

Miss A I should have been resting it and using heat but I treated it like sciatica where you rest but need to exercise. So I exercised as usual which made it worse . So making sure I rest it and use my electric heat pad . No more jigging about for me. It has to just heal on its own . Learnt my lesson. 🤦.

Thank you again 💞

Thank you.
Now, this leg of yours - is there anything practical you can do to ease the pain a little?

It makes me cross that you were cheery enough to be having a little jig, and this is the result. It's not fair!

I don't know much about hamstrings.
Do you need to see a doctor or phone 111, do you think?

Miss A you are not useless at saying the right thing or giving wise advice. Your advise and wisdom has helped me for years on various topics. Just being there helps me . Never put yourself down . 💐😊

I wish I had the power to give him back to you, Whiff

It's horrible going through everything alone, and he was such an unfailingly supportive partner to you, through everything, good and bad, thick and thin.

As per usual, I'm useless at saying the right thing or giving wise advice.

Are you resting now? Sitting down with your leg up?

Nothing I can say will quell the pain of you struggling, when a hug from your man is what's needed, and I'm so sorry for that. X

Hello friends it's me who needs support today. I am in so much physical pain it's making my grief worse and all I want is my husband to hold me and make the pain go away. Can't stop crying . It's my own fault my pain is worse I am my own worse enemy. I was jigging in the kitchen Saturday which was stupid as I fall nearly everyday due to my neurological condition. Though I had pulled a muscle so treated as I did when I had sciatica. Which included still doing exercises so the muscles don't seize up. Pain got so bad yesterday after my exercises thought I had better look up why the muscle hurt so much . Turns out I have pulled my hamstring in my right leg. And what I have been doing made it worse plus walking 8,000+ steps on Wednesday going to and from the Brain Charity.
So now I have to rest doing what I should had done all week. But had Sainsbury's delivery today took 3 hours to put away. Had to keep stopping .

I just want my husband. 😢😢😢😢

granto3 you have nothing to deserve this heart break . But you should look at this way you had the love of 2 good men and you loved and love them .

I think your first husband knew he hadn't got long and waited until you went out to die . He wanted to spare you watching him die . As he loved you so much he was trying to protect you to the end .

Like my dad did with my mom . He went to the loo 4am with mom's help on the day he died . He told her how much he loved her and would see her again . They went to sleep and my dad must have had a massive heart attack . But my poor mom didn't realise he was dead when she got up at 8 . He was cold so called my brother and he fetched me . Dad must have died within minutes of getting back into bed . I had to lie to my mom the only lie I have told . When she asked if dead people always looked like that . She never knew his pain was written across his face not did she ever know his bladder void.

Your first husband tried to spare you not realising how much he would hurt you but he did it out of love.

Make the best of everyday day you have with your partner and if he can do all the things you always wanted to do ,do then now .

I have said many times grief is the price we pay for love . But our lives would be poorer without having been loved and loved in return.

Make this the best Christmas ever .

That must be such a terrible, terrible shock.

And now this news of your partner's prognosis to accept as well; I can imagine it feels as if it's punishment from someone or something.

It's all you can do to try and look for whatever tiny positives you can find- I remember that well, with my daughter. It was one of the most heartbreaking things.

I miss my late husband. He died very suddenly 7 years ago. I had gone out to give some plums to a friend, I was only gone 30/40 minutes and when I got back home he was lying on the couch. He had taken a massive heart attack during that short time and had died. I still can't get over the fact that I was gone for such short time and came home to find he had died.
I was in councelling for over 6 months to try and come to terms with it andthat it wasn't my fault that this had happened, but in my heart I can never forgive myself not being there to try and save him. I miss him terribly.
Now I find myself in the unenviable position that my current partner of 4 years has terminal cancer with a prognosis of 12/18 months life expectancy. I sometimes wonder what I had done in this life to deserve such heartache.

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202412/medium-865935-img-20241211-144745985.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202412/medium-706718-img-20241211-144733962.jpg

The box in question