Well Meaning Adverts about Being Alone at Christmas - Please Stop

I do not particularly want to go anywhere on Christmas Day. My vision is deteriorating because of Macular degeneration, so I do not go out when it is dark and never on my own.

If I were invited to lunch, I would feel like a spare part because the invite would be out of pity.

I have had a few Christmases on my own, and I do exactly what I want. I usually have the washing machine running!

I buy what I want, and this year, it is duck legs with trimmings. I am not a fan of dessert, instead probably a glass or three of wine.

I’ve been invited by my son’s lovely in-laws. There will be quite a crowd, maybe 10 of us and the food will be first class. Then my son insists that I am to go and stay overnight with them. I think I would prefer to go home, but that will mean not drinking so I can drive, ( not that I drink much anyway) and it will of course be dark, so I might just have to fit in with his plans.

I shan't be alone at Christmas, but I truly don't think I'd mind if I were.
I'd be grateful for a phone call from a neighbour asking if I'd like a visit, or a drink at their house. But I would not want anyone knocking on my door. I might not be dressed, or having a luxury bath, or shedding tears because I do miss DH all the time. Respect privacy!
And I do know how it is to be with an AC's in-laws. You do feel like a spare part in the corner.

When we were just married we lived abroad. Husband had to work on Christmas day and I dreaded being asked to join a random family for the day. I lied and said I was spending the day with a friend.

I follow all the different posts, and it seems as if you are damned if you do and damned if you dont accept/offer invitations. I pass on my sisters way she dealt with christmas one year. Working in London in a high level job, and having not been well she was at the end of her tether and just longed for some rest and relaxation. So when she was invited to go for the day to one family, she said many thanks but she had already been invited by another family. She of course did the same with the second group. That was the truth - but she let them assume that she had accepted the other families invite. (well she didnt actually say anything about that!) She collected food that she liked, very simple stuff , the first day didnt even shower but just let herself feel the exhaustion . Then the next couple of days she just read, slept, showered and washed her hair, sprawled about enjoying having no decisions to make apart from what she might like to eat. She said it was better than a SPA day, and so she faced the new year, refreshed, envigorated and solvent!!! When she got back to work, the tales of arguments, break ups, long journeys and being in the red, added to her certainty that it had been the right decision for her that year. She has had other family and friend orientated christmas since then, and enjoyed them but that year the rest was absolutely the best decision she could have made. The adverts are always showing the one person as lonely etc, but you never see the advert where the family hate their presents argue non stop and plan to move out or get divorced the next month!!! Much better to enjoy your own company than have to pretend to be enjoying food or company you dont like. So another year a close friend and I did something similar by telling people that we would be sharing christmas together. Of course it is the use of the language. They assumed that we would be literally with each other, whereas we knew that we would meet at the midnight service and the carol service and would ring each other on the day and then enjoy the peace and quiet of our own homes. She would be sitting sewing or some craft things with no tv or radio on. I would be listening in peaceful bliss to J S Bach. Nobody spoiling it by talking coughing or rustling paper, and as a singer I am able to join in on chorus and arias that I know. I shall also enjoy reading and later having a drop of single malt. I shall walk round my garden on the day to see what is flowering and make a note of it. I do the same on New years day and it is good to look back over the years and see the changes.So I wish you all the Christmas day you wish yourselves, and I shall be looking at your messages on the day at some point and no doubt we shall all have much to comment upon about the time we have had!! If I dont get in touch for any reason before then I wish all the great variety of gransnetters a Happy Christmas and may the New Year bring peace and good health and prosperity . May we enjoy more interesting posts over the next year too.

visits and invitations that are limited to Xmas day are attempts to be traditional and are aimed at satisfying the conscience of the one who invites.

If you have the energy you could say "Not at Christmas as I'll be doing something else but please ask me again next week."

I have been invited by a son for Xmas dinner, and he happens to be a good cook. Also it is probably the only chance I can get to see my adult grandson. Otherwise it's not a good idea as I am not good at small talk and have to go the toilet a lot.

I imagine that all widows and widowers understand your point of view, and I am sorry for your loss, BA69.

To me it seems unduly hurtful to wait until Christmas is here to ask anyone whether they want to be alone or not. Any such feeler should have been put out much earlier in my view.

Last year (one month and 24 days after my husband's death) I did not want to be alone, thinking of the dinner I had not cooked, and the tree I had not put up, nor did I want to be away from home entirely, feeling it was better to face the loss squarely. So, I accepted an invitation from a friend to eat my Christmas dinner at her place. It was so different to the way we had always celebrated that it did not feel like Christmas, but that actually made it easier.

I imagine I would have been dreadfully hurt if an invitation had not been issued in advance, but left to the very last minute.

It's too near Xmas to stop now. Also, for some people Xmas alone can be unbearable for some people. So try thinking of other people for a change, it is the season of goodwill after all. Apparently.

It is so patronising. If you felt you needed company or to mix - I'm sure you would have set about arranging something to do or somewhere to go. There are so many VERY fixed ideas about 'family' and 'fun' that are plain rubbish. Have a calm day however you spend it.

I hate these adverts, what about the rest of the lonely days of the year for many? Only seems to be relevant for Christmas!

I know exactly what you mean BA69. My DH passed away just over 2 yrs ago and I was pressured into going to my son's for the first Christmas without him. I know he meant well but I really just wanted to be on my own but kept thinking he had lost his dad too and maybe I should be there for him. As it turned out I went but only stayed around an hour and then left the rest of the family to have lunch etc. I just could not bear it any longer. Last year I went again and stayed for lunch but again would have preferred a day of reflection at home alone, a day to cry when I felt like it, smile if I wanted, eat or not eat and just be silent if not actually peaceful. I know I should be grateful for being asked but I feel like the whole dynamic has changed, I'm granny in the corner who has to be invited and never feel part of the celebrations but then I don;t feel like celebrating.

In the year that I left my 1st husband in the October I knew that I didn't want to be putting on a brave face anywhere at Christmas. I told friends I was going to my parents and told my parents I was staying with friends. I rang them both on Christmas morning on the pretence that I was just leaving to go to for Christmas. I had a peaceful if teary at times, day to myself. Made a chicken dinner [husband was a vegetarian who wouldn't have any animal products in the house] drank rather too much Babycham - it was a long time ago and ate lots of chocolate with nobody to criticise me. I would have hated for anyone to come round to keep me company. I'm sure neighbours would only mean well but I can appreciate what you said about the adverts. Sometimes you have to be kind to yourself and do what you know is best for you.