Something else that sort of catches you out. You know that you are facing your first christmas alone, or his birthday, or your anniversary, and you dread that day arriving. You may be very sad or you may be surprised how well you managed to get through , but then you had your guard up and were prepared mentally. But what catches you offguard? Sorting out a cupboard that you thought you had removed all your husbands things months ago, and find one of his favourite gloves, . Driving the car and there is an accident in front and so you are directed to a diversion, and suddenly find yourself having to drive down a road, that up to now you have avoided. I cant eat cheese, but my husband enjoyed all sorts. This time of year I would be looking for some stilton or sage derby or red windsor etc etc. After all this time I usually ignore the cheese area , but found myself walking down that aisle and looking to see the price of the brie,. So i would plan to avoid that road, or that aisle etc. But a friend of mine who is a psycologist, told me that rather than working out how to avoid this and that road or place, which is tiring to keep your guard up etc. A better way was to believe that I can face anything , which if I looked back at situations , I have coped ok. So you dont keep thinking what might happen and make great efforts to work out ways to deal with this situation, which may never happen anyway. You accept you may have bad days etc , but give little or no attention to what might happen , but may not either. Your energy is saved for that actual time something happens. It has been hard to train myself to think more like this , but she was right, It takes much less energy to deal with actual situations, than keep working out what you might or might not do if something occurs. My latest saga with the bathroom has proved it . If someone had said I will be out of my home for over 10 weeks and told me what would happen, I would have buried my head in the sand or got in the car and driven off and not come back!! But the next time something else happens I can look back at how I coped with things and can believe I can manage one way or another. So , dont think that there is a timetable where things get better in a straight line. No , there will be a mix of 2 steps forward and 2 step back, or whatever. But when life has gone back to normal !! if there is such a thing. , and then if you look back over this past year, you will see how far you have come . Yes there was a time when you were physically ill, or feeling very depressed, and stuck letters in a drawer unread, or avoided getting in touch with your mother in law etc. But I am sure that the way you managed many other times, you succeeded, and can be pleased with your efforts. When you look at that new carpet that you bought on your own, or that bit of the border looks so good and you have grown all the new plants there, you have all those physical things to see , which reminds you of how well you are doing. And of course there is us on here!! Whether you need to have a rant, or dont know how to make something, someone on here will have some ideas for you to consider, . You may get great ideas, or wonder what sort of a person thinks in that manner, but whatever ,you have someone to contact, who will usually be generous, positive and helpful. Yes there are one or two that do not have a generosity of spirit, or to be generous, may be in a bad way themselves. On a bad day (or night!) I can be wandering about in a lot of pain, live in a flat, so cant be putting the radio on at 3.20am and would not want to disturb others. But hurray for GN's. Would I have got any sleep, on the day when they said that they are not paying the Winter Fuel Allowance , if I wasnt able to get on here and mentally stamp and rant and shout. /No chance, but being able to ramble and rant on here, and know someone will read it and agree or not as the case may be. Finally for physical release , my selections are. A pillow or cushion that I can think of a politician or other liar that I would like to bash and keep thumping for a while . Very satisfying! Go into the garden with plastic bag hung over my left wrist, with one handle. My secateurs are very good ones, and I can snip branches or whatever and hold them in the sectateurs and then drop the bits in the bag. No bits to clear up from the floor. But the good bit is passers by see an ndustrious gardener tidying the hedge. But in my mind that snip was Assads neck, and the next one was Putin , or it could be that pompous man at that meeting!! I dont say to anyone else but it is very satisfying., particularly annoying and arrogant job centre person or parking ticketer etc etc. There is no physical harm to anyone else, but oh! how I enjoy doing that and at the end of the border, the border looks better for the tlc, my bag of bits go on the compost heap, and next week I shall look out and remember how mad/sad/furious I was at the time. If you are in a bad way and cant think of anything good to hang on to , speak to your good friend and ask if they can see anything different or what steps you have taken. They will remember lots of good points The New Year is coming up. Dont push yourself too much but you could try to think ,when you wake up in the morning, of something that was positive from yesterday . Today I am quite high because I have my new bathroom and hot water etc. I am glad to be able to come on here and know that you can ignore it, read it or rfespond to it, but whatever , I already feel a bit better for writing on here. Hope tomorrow is good for everyone and keep writing on here
