Upsetting why do people put items in a coffin with a deceased person?

It made me feel better to make my Mum 'comfortable' in her coffin. She was dressed in soft pyjamas, with fluffy socks and slippers on her feet. We put a teddy bear in the coffin, too; when she had Alzheimers, carrying a teddy around comforted her.

This has been a very interesting thread for me. I have never considered how many people feel about death and their loved ones.
I am having a direct cremation (all booked). No one can visit me at the funeral home or put anything in the coffin.
Next of kin will be informed of the cremation day but cannot attend.
I would rather they kept any of my possessions they treasure(if any)

My friend's husband liked his whisky and had some every single day, she put a quarter bottle of whisky inside the coffin but was then petrified they would hear it rattling around in there. Apparently they did not.

BlueBelle

I haven’t done it but I see nothing wrong at all if it gives the survivor comfort so personally I think your original post is a bit miserable chocolatepudding

But it was her baby in that coffin and her MIL insisted. I think she has a right to be upset.
As to asking why people do this, that seems like a reasonable question without it being miserable!

I put the ashes of two of our cats in my husband's coffin. We had talked about it before he died. We didn't put anything in my father in law's coffin but when his ashes were interred we added a crucifix we had brought back from the Vatican for him.

I cut a lock of my husbands hair while he was alive for me to keep. I put a lock of my hair and a picture of me that he loved in the coffin.

Often if it's from relatives already passed it a superstition that the recently deceased will be better able to find the loved ones that have passed earlier if they are buried with something belonging to them.

My Dad died on his 76th birthday, everyone had bought him a card although he was very ill so we put them in his coffin. It just seemed the right thing to do.

Why not? It is obviously important to the person who wants to place something in the coffin. It is not for anyone else to question why

My dad died, as he was an avid Celtic fan, grandkids had bought him tiny bears- mum was going to give to the charity shop but I put them in his coffin, along with photos of his deceased parents, a photo of us children as kids & also a tissue that I had cried into, I placed just next to his shoulder as it was my DNA.
I also took a photo of my mothers hand on top of my dads hand- photo now under his box of ashes on mums dresser

Nothing is in bad taste, it’s what gives the grieved comfort!

My lovely Dad 7 weeks before my daughter in law gave birth . It was their first child after years of fertility problems. My son had a very close relationship with my Dad. Dad knew his life was drawing to a close and he said he’d die happy if he could just hold on to see the baby arrive safely.

Sadly , he didn’t make it and my son and daughter in law were heartbroken. They placed baby scan photos in the coffin.

simiisme

It made me feel better to make my Mum 'comfortable' in her coffin. She was dressed in soft pyjamas, with fluffy socks and slippers on her feet. We put a teddy bear in the coffin, too; when she had Alzheimers, carrying a teddy around comforted her.

🫂

I was driving to visit my mum on Mother’s Day when I got a call on my mobile to say she had died.
I put her Mother’s Day card in the coffin when I saw her.

Sago

Because it’s the last thing you will give that person and it will help some people in the grieving process.

Exactly this ^^
It’s a very personal decision to do so, it certainly means a great deal to the person who does so and hopefully brings them some comfort.
I would never question the reasoning, it’s none of my business.

I’m a retired funeral director and it really upsets me when I read comments about dishonest undertakers. Believe me there are good and bad in every business and I can assure you mine was better than good and if there had ever been any suspicions otherwise they would never have worked in the funeral business again.

Each and every dear soul who came to me was treated as a member of my family, with loving care.

When my own husband died last year included in his coffin were letters from our children, a toy penguin our g.grandaughter gave him which he cuddled, the blue shirt he cut the sleeves off because he was too impatient to let me do it and most importantly to me his two rings, the signet ring he wore as a wedding ring and the black stone gold ring he found when he was a boy and was allowed to keep by the police.

Why did I do this because I wanted to, and as far as possible I made sure all items given by families were included in the coffin, even mums knitting needles and on one memorable occasion dads screwdriver.

It’s about comfort to the bereaved and that was my job done.

Good post Celianne

I put T bags and some Frankincense in my Mums coffin. I thought well if the Frankincense was good enough for Jesus it's good enough for my Mum.

It's human ... and some animal ...nature to to want to put things in coffins/burial sites to remember the deceased and in some cultures because of religious or other beliefs.

I don't have any problem with it at all, I think it's a lovely thing to do.

When I go I'd like someone to put a photo or something in my coffin of pets I've had over the years.

Murraymints:"My son died suddenly and on the day I had bought him a Spit Fire areoplane magazine, he never got to read it so I put it in his coffin."

Sympathy

mabon1

Yes indeed and who is this "chocolate pudding" to question why people do it.

Here you go again with your comments. How can you be so unkind to a grieving mother? I have noticed before, (and remarked on) the fact that many of your comments are unkind. I think you need to take a look at yourself Mabon1. You are not helping grieving people feel a little less sad, you are making them feel worse. Are you really that unpleasant a person??

Boolya

My cousin died a few years ago. She had dementia. She loved watching In the Night Garden and had an Upsy Daisy doll with her. It was decided that it would go in her coffin. Next day, her husband remembered that she had a voice and he took out her batteries (the doll's, not my cousin's!) He feared that in a quiet moment a high pitched "Upsy Daisy" would be heard from inside the coffin. My cousin would have seen the funny side.

I love this! Just imagine! 😂

Greenfinch

There are some lovely poignant and heartfelt stories here and some humorous but meaningful ones too.Thank you all for sharing .

My sentiments exactly!

Danma

It might sound crazy to some but my lovely Mum often felt nauseous so kept a few ginger biscuits in her handbag to nibble whenever she went out. I put a couple in her coffin in case she needed them on her journey. I think she’d have found it amusing and it gave me a little comfort

I can totally see why you did this.

Both of our granddaughters wrote Grampy a letter which were out in his coffin with him, the letters made me cry (some more) but I hope it brought them some comfort