“You don’t just lose someone once”

Thank you Maw x I`m still grieving for my husband, one of my sons, and my eldest daughter, all lost within 8 years. My son was 53, and my daughter was 60.

Please accept this with love.

My husband died 49 years ago, he was in the police force CID, onenight was working, never came home, his body was found on a country road early morning, his car had been rammed
We had 5 & 7 year old little girls. We were living in a police house, as was done then.
We had to move, no pressure but it was a fact. I couldn’t cope with buying a house for several years, it was something we would do together, I didn’t want to without him.
He died in a February, I took our dsughters on holiday that year, as we had done in previous years, it was so painful.
Our girls grew up,,finished school, had done the usual things,
Brownies, Girl Guides, swimming club etc. in their 20’s they
married, as they exchanged marriage vows i ached for my husband. When elder daughter had her first baby she said to me as I hugged her ‘I wish Daddy was here’.
I share this because memories can be painful but I wish I had many more. We were blessed to know love

Sorry it was Greyduster who mentioned the poem.

GrannySomerset

So sadly true; my sense of loss increases rather than decreases and I am bereft.

So true Maw. I’ve been shedding tears tonight just from the sheer pain of missing my dear man.
Grannysomerset I had that poem at DHs funeral

I just want to send love to everyone who is grieving and thank them for sharing their thoughts and experiences.

So true! Thank you for posting this, and to all GN comments. X

"Remember" by Christina Rossetti is very moving and ends: "Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad".

I have had it on my notice board since my husband died.

Thus has been helping me. My DH is not dead but he suffered 3 life changing strokes which has effected him both mentally and physically, so he is no longer the man I knew for 35 years.

"Grief is not just an emotion-it's an unraveling, a space where something once lived but is now gone. It carves through you, leaving a hollow ache where love once resided.
In the beginning, it feels unbearable, like a wound that will never close.
But over time, the raw edges begin to mend. The pain softens, but the imprint remains—a quiet reminder of what once was.
The truth is, you never truly "move on." You move with it. The love you had does not disappear; it transforms. It lingers in the echoes of laughter, in the warmth of old memories, in the silent moments where you still reach for what is no longer there. And that's okay.
Grief is not a burden to be hidden. It is not a weakness to be ashamed of. It is the deepest proof that love existed, that something beautiful once touched your life. So let yourself feel it. Let yourself mourn. Let yourself remember.
There is no timeline, no "right" way to grieve. Some days will be heavy, and some will feel lighter. Some moments will bring unexpected waves of sadness, while others will fill you with gratitude for the love you were lucky enough to experience.
Honor your grief, for it is sacred. It is a testament to the depth of your heart.
And in time, through the pain, you will find healing-not because you have forgotten, but because you have learned how to carry both love and loss together."

This is so lovely and so true. I lost my husband last September and many think I should be “getting over it” by now. This poem really resonates with me and certainly I seem to be losing him again and again. I still think he will be here when I wake up each morning. Thank you so much for this - I am going to print it out and pin it up.

It’s true, the more you love, the more you lose.
I miss my beloved parents and grandparents more and more as time passes, but am so grateful that I was lucky enough to have them. I still meet people who tell me how they remember the help my father gave them, nearly 50 years after his death and I still hear my mother’s wise words in my ears.

As are mine with you, Fartooold. I hope you find a way to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Sending a big hug.

A moving poem. So much truth in it.

But to me, it is not the whole truth.
As a Christian I know my loved ones are with the Lord.
Meanwhile life is for living, as fully as we are able.

However, I do understand that we all grieve differently.

Beautiful words, Rosie and so true....

Having lost my husband over 4 months ago I completely resonate with this,I could never have imagined how bad I would feel, I sometimes wonder how I've got through it this far,it's so very very hard,so much harder than losing a parent or sibling.
I just hope in time I begin to feel better and can eventually move forward and make some sort of new life for myself and hope that anyone else going through this can do the same.

Didn't expect to see this post today. My lovely son, only 50 died on saturday. Lost my husband in january. Both to the terrible C. Thank- u for the things u have said on here.

I feel your pain. I too lost a son 2020, my only child, then 2022 lost my husband.

Life is cruel and do sad ..

Some very sad stories here. My heart goes out to you all. I am fortunate to still have my husband, despite him being very ill a couple of times. I realise that at 75 and 79 one of us will be left alone I'm the not too distant future.

I agree Monica the younger ones are particularly hard to bear. My brother died aged 24, my lovely nephew aged 16 - I was in the room when he died. My mother was 58.

That's how I have felt since my husband took his last breath 21 years and 4 months ago. Half of me died with him and haven't been whole since . But because of him being a wiseman he knew what I needed to live without him . And that was a series of promises. I have kept them all but couldn't live the best life I can until I moved to my bungalow nearly 6 years ago . My grief for my husband I use to get through each day and the rage and anger of him dieing . It's my way to cope . Since moving here my life has never been so full as I have no one dependant on me . My husband was 47 when he died . But I don't grief for my parents my dad was 80 and wanted to die he hated what he had become ..My mom was 90 she had cancer and dementia but the dementia killed my mom 4 months before her body died. Took me a year to remember my mom without the violence . But it was out of fear mom didn't know who she was,where or who I was she thought I was her mom . But I couldn't put her in a home.

Some people think grief is a negative emotion but I think it's a positive emotion especially if it's for a spouse or partner. It means would found the other half of eachother and made a whole . The only person who knew the real you and you them . They loved us as much as we loved them . Some people live their whole lives and never have that . Grief means we loved and was loved .

Well that's my own view others may disagree. We all find our own why to cope.

For me it is the loss of those dying outside their time that haunts me. My sister died 34 years ago aged 45. Recently I saw something unexpectedly that reminded me of her and I was nearly reduced to tears, as the loss hit me again.

It is the same with a very dear friend and her husband, five years our junior, who both died quite suddenly, a year or two apart. I expected them to attend our funerals. Instead we attended theirs and still, at least once a day, her laughing face, she was always laughing, floats before my eyes and brings tears to them.

Sending hugs to you all x

lafergar

The 5 stages were never intended to be about grief or loss. They are a theory, an attempt to make sense of something.Her work was about people facing end of life. However, it has been hijacked.
We like certainty. We like to sit in the same place, drink the same coffee or tea.We like 6 weeks of CBT or the grief model or whatever.
Other societies deal better with feelings

That's all very true, lafergar. At the same time, I think it's not a terrible thing that humanity took what it did from it. We all react in different ways and we grieve in different ways. There is no "one size fits all", and there never will be, nor should we attempt such a feat. It would only fail. The goal is to find ways to connect. As humans, that is what we long to do. When we share our feelings, so bravely, we are really opening ourselves up, in many ways. It can be scary and sometimes it can be very rewarding to realise we are not alone. It doesn't mean that what each person shares cannot come from a place of compassion and a desire to support another on their journey.

I lost my dad in December. He lived in the US and I live here in the UK. My dad knew he had days left and in a very unexpected turn of events, ended up sitting in a hospital room in Oregon on Christmas day, with days left to live.

My younger sister lives in the state and rushed to be with my dad. I had written down everything I wanted to say to him, in the outside chance I got to talk to him. One night, I got a FaceTime call. My father had decided to call each of his girls, and his grandson. I know it took all he had, being a man of very few words. I will never forget those huge tears that came from his eyes and the way the light hit them. They were so pure and brave. And we talked, laughed and wept our hearts out to each other, for the 15 mins he could speak without getting too tired. His heart was tired. His lungs were too damaged from 20 years of treatment for Testicular cancer.

I was left deeply bereft and shocked. Even in my own experience and background with working with those who are in the dying process or have had close loved-ones pass. It's different when you experience yourself.

I'm really just reaching out from one person to another to share here. That's where I am coming from.

We will each find our own way down this road, and some of us will be vocal along the way and help others with their experiences, which I think has happened here.

When you open up with others, you are able to both share your experience and also gain support you may deeply need.

And isn't that a great thing?

Take care,

-Miss Redd

Sending love and hugs.

My DH died a year ago this week. I’m struggling but I do find comfort in all your posts, I don’t feel so alone.

Thank you for posting. My grief is not stages. My grief is a spiral of hopelessness that I embrace as my own.

RosieandherMaw
My dearest dad died four weeks ago. The waves of tears and pain in my chest have been indescribable. Like a child ‘I want my daddy back’. In the past few years I have been missing my mum and grandparents but could never find a poem or words to describe my feelings. Thank you so much for this posting today. ❤️