Funeral No Show

MollyNew you and me both!

I’m beginning to think this thread might be a joke at grans expense. It sounds bizarre.

Please don't post any personal experiences, Gransnetters.

Seansean

Olderme ...I didn't tell my wife how I felt about my workmates not turning up

And yet, you are happy telling a bunch of complete strangers! I think that in itself is weird.
Unless you are posting this just to get some attention, I think you are dwelling far too much on your loss and not nearly enough on your immediate family. Workmates are just that. They are not friends, not in the main.
You are a middle-aged man behaving like child who’s whining that nobody loves them! My patience is exhausted now. You have a wife and three children. Concentrate on them instead of you!

I think you've got to get over it.

Welsh Poppy, I think he’s made his mind up that he won’t, (if he’s for real).
It’s all very odd and, like others, I am doubting it more and more! Might just be someone with time on their hands just trying to get attention. So, I for one, am out of here!

Sally ...it's different in Ireland than the UK.

I’m sorry for your trouble.

It sounds to me like you’re angry , and you’re taking it it on your colleagues by holding a grudge that they didn’t come to your mam’s funeral.

Some people, even in Ireland, don’t go to funerals. They might remember the funeral of a loved one and find it too upsetting. They might not know what to say and find it mortifying.

There are many reasons what someone doesn’t go to a funeral.

Thinking it’s because they suddenly don’t like you isn’t a helpful or true thought at all.

I think you’d be helped by talking about your mam and what her loss means to you would be helpful.

Your colleagues have lives of their own, and you never know what’s going on for them.

Projecting outward all your anger about your mam’s death and isolating yourself from your friends isn’t the way to go.

Talk with your GP about going to bereavement counselling.
Talk with your employer about getting some compassionate leave.

Sooner or later everyone will be going through what you’re going through, you’re not alone, and you need to talk about this before you’re relationships are damaged by your understandable grief and anger.

Your mam wouldn’t want you to shoulder this alone - ask for help. Start with your GP and your employer.

Good luck with it, and again, sorry for your loss.

Seansean

Sally ...it's different in Ireland than the UK.

So how are we going to be of any help whatsoever, Sean?

Time to build a bridge - perhaps start by looking for another job. Concentrate on your wife and children and stop being self-indulgent.

Ok guys ..if you don't believe my story then that's on you .
I must be a very sick individual to go online and sign up to s bereavement page just to make up a story to look for attention.
I think their is easier ways to get attention than going on a bereavement website.
It's absolute ridiculous that people don't believe me .

Yes.

Hmmm. Your reaction to the non attendance by your work colleagues is extreme I think and yet you’d come on here telling strangers but not your wife. Are you off work? It’s mid Friday afternoon.

It all sounds highly unlikely to me.

I told my wife bits and pieces of what I'm going through but I find it hard to talk about my feelings sometimes.
Isn't that what forums are for,to speak to people that you don't know.?
And you you are questioning my work hours.
I finish work on Friday's an Noon.

My brother died recently didn’t expect anyone to turn up at the funeral but did expect a card off my boss or a bunch of flowers as I would have done for them. I’ve worked there 24 years so it would have been nice to of been thought of. So really their colleagues not friends to me.

Seansean

I told my wife bits and pieces of what I'm going through but I find it hard to talk about my feelings sometimes.
Isn't that what forums are for,to speak to people that you don't know.?
And you you are questioning my work hours.
I finish work on Friday's an Noon.

Why not ring Samaritans or Cruise. They’d be better placed to guide you.

Seansean I spent a far bit of effort in talking to you, reasoning with you and giving you advice but you are having NONE of it
You say thank you but I can tell from your posts you have NO intention of taking any of it onboard.
I and others have been very patient you’ve had about 60 posts giving you not only kind thoughts but good advice however you always counter it with ‘thank you, but ….’ you are comfortable in your upset about your colleagues maybe you are using that so you don’t have to think about losing your mum.
I think we have genuinely tried to explain and help but you are not prepared in a way to let it go
So this thread is going nowhere
Good luck Seansean you know best

Ok BlueBelle.
If it was that easy to help a person a therapist would one need a see a person once instead of weeks ,months years.

Seansean

I told my wife bits and pieces of what I'm going through but I find it hard to talk about my feelings sometimes.
Isn't that what forums are for,to speak to people that you don't know.?
And you you are questioning my work hours.
I finish work on Friday's an Noon.

Is it usual for employers in Ireland to close the entire office so all colleagues can attend the funeral of one of their parents?

22 colleagues, 44 parents.....

I've never attended the funeral of someone I'd never met.

Did all your work colleagues know your mother? Perhaps they would feel they were intruding on a very personal occasion if they didn't. I do not attend a funeral unless I have known the person. I would send a card and perhaps flowers to the person I know who has had the bereavement.

Seansean

Sally ...it's different in Ireland than the UK.

I posted my experience of two Irish funerals, validated by my Irish husband, who has been to many more, which you ignored Sean.
I too have reservations about this thread, as I did from the start.

MollyNew you may be right.

Butterandjam. The removal was Sunday and the burial was monday

I keep saying that where I live you don't have to know the deceased to attend the funeral. You would normally go to the funeral if you know the son or daughter well .
The last funeral I went to was a three hour wait in line to shake hands with the family.
I don't know what it's like for all of you that posted your thoughts but that's the way funerals are in my home town.

My son in law was Irish and died too young so I am very, very aware of Irish funerals
Yes you can go into therapy for years …but… to be honest your problem is within you and should be shared with your wife to chew over and get over
A lot of this is of your own making taking things way out of context Why grieve over your work colleagues lack of empathy just why ? grieve over your mum not the lack of numbers it’s really really silly to be so stuck Was her family with her to say goodbye ? If so that’s all that matters

Most people's problems are of their own making. I know my problems may seem ridiculous to most of you but that's why I came on here to seek help . I know everyone is trying to help but It will take time.