How can I stop my relatives coming to my husband's funeral

I think that your husband was still thinking of you., providing you with the reason to say no to them, as it is his choice, which as his wife you are following his wishes. They treated you quite badly and excluded you from their lives, so I think you could simply write to them or get someone else to speak to them and tell them that they would not be welcome at the funeral. The occasion is about you and the person in your life that meant so much to you. I hope that all goes well for you and that you are able to have the funeral that you want.

Send your brother and sister a message saying that the funeral will be a small affair as asked for by your DH so they don’t need to attend, but that they can donate to whatever charity your husband preferred etc. Keep it simple and then leave it at that.
Am so very sorry for your loss and for the fact that your DH and yourself were not treated fairly by your brother and sister.
I hope you have other family members or friends who can support you right now.
😔

My mum didn't want family except us at her funeral and made her wishes clear. I told family it was immediate family only and that was put in the newspaper notice.

Yes, Olivia, let them know that it is a private affair. It's hard enough arranging such an important funeral without having to worry about family fractures.
How likely are they to attend, just by seeing a notice?

Make it private funeral if you are questioned just say it was your husbands wish, sorry for your loss

You ask for the funeral notification to say invited guests only.

I am deeply sorry for your loss but in all honesty, why do you need to tell them that he has died and he didn’t want them at his funeral?
And surely it would be more practical for his DC to contact the family and friends personally who you all wish to attend……them actually reading a death announcement in the press might not happen.

People who want a strictly private funeral commonly delay a public death announcement until after the funeral has taken place.

Aren’t we told not to put funeral arrangements into the public domain?

Because burglars can then identify the home of the deceased and properties of other relatives that are sure to be empty for a given period on a particular day.

What a way to treat someone who is not on their level or not from the same country.
If he was not good enough for them when he was alive, I don’t see why they should attend his funeral. In any case, he did not want them at his funeral. You should respect his wishes.

Why not tell them that your DH's wish was that they should not attend his funeral and why. Or if you do not want to do it face to face then email them or write to them.

Tell them that it was your husbands wishes for them not to be there. Why should you give them an invite or reason after the way they have behaved in the past. Tell them to buggar off!

'According to (late loved ones name) often expressed wishes, a private funeral will/has taken place.............'
I did an invite to my dad's funeral with an afternoon tea at a hotel afterwards. We had a couple of difficult relatives who would actually have spoilt his final send off as they were both narcissists and would have made it about them. It worked very well and dad got the best send off from those who loved him most.

I would give invitations to only those people your husband wanted there. And they have to show them to the funeral directors before they enter the crem or church . Those without invitations can not enter. If you are having a wake also make that invitation only . And where you hold it tell the staff they need to see the invitation before they can enter the room .
It's a lot of work but you will be following your husbands wishes.

I didn't put it into the newspaper and told those who my husband wanted there when it was . Unfortunately my mother in law put death notice in the paper after the funeral. Which was what we didn't want. So I told her off.

Plus she wanted to see my husbands body at the funeral home . But I had told them no one was allowed to see my husband once they took his body away he died at home with me and our children in 2004.

We are atheists and had non religious funeral plus no flowers. We told the funeral directors if anyone sent them then they where to give them back . Thankfully everyone abided by our wishes and said if anyone wanted to give donations . We raised just over £5,000 which was to be used for treats for cancer patients on the unit my husband attended. Limit of £50 per person but no one wanted anything up to that value . Some wanted posh chocolates as they called them,some wanted a good bottle of wine or spirit,fans , electric blankets just ordinary things . We as a family were happy so many people had treats . Amazing how far the money went .

When my best friends husband died 3 years ago it was invitation only for the funeral at the church and burial and at the wake .

I see your dilemma.
I have to say I thought anyone could attend a funeral, certainly in a church.

A death announcement after the event may work but as it was his express wish that these nasty relatives are not there you may have to write and say very close family only.

DH died during the COVID pandemic so only 15 were allowed and only 12 came. We were socially distanced and no-one could hug or comfort eachother, at least not officially. The service was streamed which was good.

I had funeral envy for a time afterwards.

I hope it works out for you. So sorry for your sad loss.

Sincere sympathies.
Now, the relatives, they are YOUR family so YOU may set whatever terms you like.
Just tell them.

Funerals are public and not by invite-only.

I went to my cousin’s funeral last summer. There were 40 people there all of whom had been invited by her brother. Before her death she had specified that certain people were not to be informed of her death or be at the funeral. Afterwards one attendee asked after these people who are relatives of his. He was told the truth about why they weren’t invited.

Mackir

Funerals are public and not by invite-only.

You can have whatever you want!

Mackir

Funerals are public and not by invite-only.

Nonsense; they can be as private as the family or deceased person wishes.

Don't make it public that he has died, until after the funeral
it was your husbands wish, and should be respected.

Olivia...very sorry for your loss

Olivia51 I assume you must have had the funeral by now. How did it go? I know it's hard to write but I can't be they only one wondering what happened . Did you have the funeral as your husband and you wanted .

I know you are heartbroken and I can't say you wouldn't always feel that way but you just get used to it . People say time heals and grief fades. Rubbish in my case been 22 years now and my grief gets worse with every passing year.

If you can just pop on and let us know what happened. 🌹

Hello, I've only just seen the additional posts here and thank you everyone for your very kind and helpful comments.
I am pleased to say that the funeral went well (as well as funerals can go) and my brother and sister did not come. Prior to the funeral I had told them that he only wanted his close family and friends there and I'm assuming that they took this to mean not them! In the end it was his family, my children and quite a lot of his friends, so just as he would have wanted.