My husband suddenly left me

Hello, thank you for being brave enough to post here and thank you for updating us.

I wish you the very best, keep your dog and us close to you.

Dear Macaydia, I have not experienced the death of a husband but like most people, I have experienced the heartbreak of loss.

I also found that writing letters to the person who has gone eases the grief, it is very therapeutic ✍️ or, talking to a trained counsellor. It helps.

I remember a time in my life when I literally could not see in colour and everything was as grey as my mood, and I remember also the day when colour crept back in to my life.

Keep chatting on here, you will be looked after.

🥰

Hello again Macaydia good to hear how you are getting on.
Often writing down one’s thoughts snd feelings frees us up and lightens the load.

Thank you Ashcombe. I thought I would surely die from heartbreak but I didnt. Writing daily letters to him really helped me.

I’ve just read through this thread and am so heartened to read your updates where we can see you’re starting to turn a corner, Macaydia. Sometimes, folk post about problems then don’t return to update on how they’re coping nor to acknowledge the thoughtful support and advice.

I am glad you’ve had professional help and you are taking care of yourself and your dog. Pets are such a comfort. Sending best wishes for your continued progress. 💐

I fixed a name misspell and was Mackir but am Macaydia. Thank you for all of your kind words. I am doing a lot better now with the loss although it is sometimes hard to find a purpose when all you want is to be with your DH again.

AumtieE, I just loved reading your post because I really felt I could relate to it and the cleaning and the scrubbing the floor at 3am. Sometimes we just have to do what we have to do.

Thank you GNetters.

I am able to eat and sleep again. Anti-depressants helped. The dog is happy.

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words, love and flowers.

(Mackir was a typo so now Im Macaydia, confusing I know, but dont ask.)

Since I kept up with meal replacement drinks, I was able to live through the first few months. Now i can eat a small bit each day. Now I can walk with the dog.

I am forever grateful for all the help from GNetters.

I’m so very sorry Mackir. It is early days but that’s not much comfort to you in the middle of it. Some really good advice here especially about getting some bereavement counselling. And please come back here as often as you like, others have been in your position and really can help. Sending you a hug and some virtual .

Pleaae do consider Bereavement Counselling. It truly does help to see a way through the awful fog and pain x

So very sorry Mackir, it's something we all dread, friends and family can be there for you but it takes time, just do what you feel like doing. I'm glad you have your wee dog, they can sense how we're feeling. Please try to eat and drink something, perhaps your GP could prescribe something ..sending you cuddles,,x

Dear Mackir, I am so sorry for your loss, and the dreadful shock it must have been.

I too say that three months is not long. I lost my husband two years ago three months after he had been diagnosed with cancer. We at least had time to say the most important things to each other, but that didn't really help.

I am so glad you have the dog to feed, walk and cuddle- I have two cats and cried all over them for weeks. But like your dog, they needed to be fed, played with, and consoled for they were missing their master.

As to eating, perhaps you can do as I did. I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it. No fussing around with what was healthy or fattening. After all not eating is definitely not healthy and I felt made me less able to cope. And no attempting to eat the right meal at the right time, either.

The cats thought it a little odd that I got up at three in the morning to make something or other that I had wakened up fancying or had dreamed of. Their expressions quite plainly said that no sensible person eats toasted cheese, or baked beans and fried eggs at that time of day!

And the same too dear pets knew I was daft when I scrubbed the kitchen floor in the middle of the night - but I could not sleep - the empty half of the bed was making itself horribly obvious! And the kitchen floor was dirty!

Sometimes cleaning helps, other times you just have to sit and weep. Do try to eat - perhaps something you like, but haven't had for years because your husband did not care for it? I worked my way through a short list of things he would never eat, and it has taken me the better part of the two years that have passed to want to eat soup again, as latterly that was all he could eat. (And I used to love soup).

And keep in touch with us - I received such a lot of help and support on the bereavement thread, either openly or in private messages. PM me if you want.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, only your way of doing it, as we are all different, and our marriages cannot be compared either, but the feeling of being lost, and of the loss are perhaps more alike.

Mackir, please get in touch with SUDEP # or The Epilepsy Society. They will be able to help.

When someone dies after having a seizure it's like someone has reached into your body and pulled out your heart, especially if you don't know death can happen.

What would your husband want you to do?
Think of the happy times you have spent with him.
As time goes by there will be moments when you cry but, hopefully, there will also be moments that will make you smile.

You must take things day by day and it's hard.
You must try to eat and drink something and start to take care of yourself, otherwise who will take care of your dog?

There is a life for you to lead, even though you may not feel like it now. Please try to persevere.

I wish you well.

# SUDEP = Sudden Unexpected(or Unexplained) Death in Epilepsy

Sending a hug and condolences Mackir. Sudden loss is traumatic. Three months is still very early, but I know how it feels to struggle through the next hour, let alone try to get through a day. Please try to eat little and often - even if it's just a mouthful - and sip fluids. I have found that using my hands for any type of craft is therapeutic - even just a colouring book and pens or pencils. Something simple to distract, but that doesn't take too much concentration - my concentration was shot to pieces when I was at my worst. If you've never tried handcrafts, tapestry or cross stitch are very easy to learn and crafting a picture or design from scratch is very calming and therapeutic.

Keep walking your dog and take it one day (or hour) at a time. One foot in front of the other. Wishing you strength and peace,

I'm so sorry.

So sorry . There are no words. Sending you a comforting hug. X

Granmarderby10

The title of this thread is misleading.

Gosh.
I dont normally comment on a posters' rudeness.
But my gosh.

So sorry Mackir. Grief can be overwhelming for a time but it does get better.
For now look after yourself and your dog. Perhaps speak to your doctor who may be able to help.
As others have said try to eat even if it's just small things at a time or get something like Complan which is a drink that will give you nourishment if you really can't eat.
You love your dog so need to look after yourself for him. 💐

Granmarderby10

The title of this thread is misleading.

Its how she's feeling right now.

I'm sorry to hear that.

You can't see ahead, or answer any of your own questions, so just focus on now. Very simple stuff is enough to cope with just now.

Get up in the morning, feed the dog, then take it out for a walk. On the walk:

If you can't think at all just walk in a haze.

If you need distraction from thinking, focus on your breathing.. Or count your steps to 100 then start again.

When you come back home, try to eat something. Make a hot drink.

It helps to keep some food in the house that needs no preparation ( cereal, yoghurt, cheese and biscuits, fruit, ready protein like salami or tinned fish). If your appetite is really
poor, a tiny selection on a small side plate will do.

When your thoughts are scrambled and overwhelming, try scribbling them out onto paper. Back of an envelope, pen, off you go . Anything at all, it doesn't matter what. Messages to yourself; to your husband. Memories. All your worst fears . Lists. Just let out what's in there.

If you find scribbling helps, get yourself an excercise book and have a daily scribble to comfort yourself.

I too thought differently.
But regardless, I am so sorry for your loss. He wouldn’t want you to curl up in a ball, and shut the world out. You have to relive all those lovely memories and keep you near him. Talk about him with your close family and friends. All the best

I was widowed at the age of 40. I’ve since re married. For me the worst aspect was the terrible sense of shock. Luckily I had a very good GP who gave me a small dose of an antidepressant which helped me to eat and sleep. It’s important to look after yourself and it’s what your dear husband would have wanted I’m sure. Please seek help wherever you can find it. Some funeral directors can give details of counselling and groups for widowed people. I wish you the best at this very sad time.

Granmarderby10

The title of this thread is misleading.

I think it sums up how the OP feels.
And I hardly think this is the time to split hairs.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Oh my, I am so sorry. But as others have said it is very much early days. Your grief is raw and unrelenting, could you perhaps go to stay with family for a little while?
You need support right now, try CRUSE, I know they are pretty good with helping the bereaved.
I understand that with a sudden unexpected death there is the shock and trauma to deal with as well. Reaching out to agencies that deal with bereavement counselling sounds like a good plan to me.
Also as has been said there will be support on here.
Thinking of you.
💐