Clearing my late dad's place

I have decided to try and market a luxury coffee set that is ancient but in mint condition, still in its box, and see if I can sell it on ebay for £30- £50. If I can sell it and post it easily without it breaking, then I might continue selling more things online,

Please, please don’t do this! It will create more work for you and will not help at all to solve your problem. I am so sorry for your loss and you do sound completely overwhelmed. When we cleared a very small flat years ago someone outside the family helped and cut through all our indecision. I am still grateful even though there probably were one or two things I might have liked that went elsewhere. Please make a reputable auction house your first call and trust them to do their best for you. Then sort the things they can’t sell. If you have anyone at all besides unhelpful brother, son and partner in your life do talk it through with them. Very best wishes to you.

Can I make another suggestion? Is there a branch of Emmaus near you? It's a charity which gives homeless men a place for up to a year, and meanwhile they learn how to restore and sell furniture and other items.
If you call them, they will come and take anything away that they can sell at no cost to you. And you will have the satisfaction of knowing you're helping others.

But eventually, you will have to resort to a house clearance company for the things that nobody wants.
My mother lived in her house for nearly 60 years and it was a huge task clearing it to sell. You do have to be tough. But I did keep her sewing things and her rolling pin.

We recently had a reputable auctioneer value my mother-in-law's possessions/household goods for probate.
Nothing is worth anything very much.

Her dining chairs (£400 each many moons ago) "may not sell" but if they did would not go for much. Maybe a few pounds each. One of her pair of signed prints (bought in the 80s for £90 each) is on ebay for £15.
Her Royal Doulton etc is barely worth bothering with. Even her gold watch is only worth the melt-down value of the gold.

We have offered all the family to come and take anything they like. We have had about three carrier bags go.
A magnifying glass, a table lamp, an atlas, a painting, her manicure set...
Really very little.

I think much of it will go to charity shops - if they will take it.

It is hard.
I would take photos of anything you love. Pick out a few precious things you can fit in your house.
Oh.. and give your son an ultimatum.
You are not a storage facility!


It's very very tough.

Thinking of you.

Just wondering what happens in June? You seem to have a deadline...

keepingquiet

I think this post is a very strong reminder that we can't take anything with us.
Years ago I had to help someone clear their parent's home and I swore then I would never do it to my children. There was so much waste it was unbelievable.
That's why I am slowly getting rid of what I can because my children won't want it and I wouldn't inflict it on them as they have already had to do it with their dad's house. I even have some of his stuff here!
OP says she can't throw stuff of her own away because it is so emotionally difficult. Getting rid of the emotional hurt is her priority here, as leaving stuff behind for others to sort is, in my view, irresponsible and selfish...

KeepingQuiet, I completely agree with you and others should take heed. I do not want my children being left with piles of junk and valuables when I die, so I am getting down to the bare minimum now: bed, chair, dishes, clothing. I dont want them to go through what I have been through.

Penguin2024? Is there any way you could delay this sorting of things? Your emotions are quite fragile now. Or can you just focus on one room at a time and ignore the large furnishings thay your sweet memories are currently wrapped around?

Im so sorry for your situation. Keep posting.

Sort into sections:
Charity
Auction
House Clearance.
The auction house gave me a price for everything and then collected and sent money. You will be shocked at how low your valuables are worth. People just don't want the old style furniture/paintings any more. I know it's a terrible time and a horrible process, but you'll have to just let it go. Don't over-think things.

Excuse me Barmcake but what does "House Clearance" mean?

Macaydia your mention earlier of "valuables" struck a chord with me. My lovely mother-in-law had a folder in her study marked "valuables" (with photos and receipts) - the sum total value would be a pittance today.

My auctioneer said he had just cleared his own mother's house and said he knew her precious things were now worth nothing at auction.
He said even his own adult children had only taken one or two small things - just as my family did. My son living abroad was given a silver dish by her when he got engaged. "I don't need 'stuff' to remember" he said.

...I am trying hard to shed a LOT of stuff here.
For some of us it seems to be really hard.

One thing that was interesting is that dinner services were being packed into crates at the auction house and going (at knock-down prices) en-masse to South Korea where dinner parties are apparently quite a thing now!
...at least those may get a second life!

What support do you have with this task?

Try to box brother off in your head.

Do you have any friends or commuity to call on?

I had to do this when my Mother died and a lot of stuff went to the tip, it was hard but it got easier as I worked through it.
It was during the covid lockdown so fraught with difficulties as so many charity shops weren’t open.
Start by getting rid of a few items at a time, it will get easier x

I got very little help clearing my late parents home but I did it! Sentimental items were chosen and collected by family members. Charity shops got all the lovely clothes, shoes, handbags etc. I organised a big skip for the rest of the stuff like mattresses and things the charities would not take. Contents of shed and garage went in there too. Disability aids were returned. Carpets and curtains stayed in the house. I cleaned the house from top to bottom and left a note for the new owners saying I hoped they would be as happy there as my parents were. Huge job done!

Auction houses differ. In my nearest city there are at least three. One only sells rare or high quality antiques and specialist items at monthly sales. Another has several sales every week, one is Antique and collectibles of all sorts, not necessarily high end, then they have General including tools, machinery, old radios, anything. My items went for between £10 and £450. Most people would have just sent them to the tip, but one man’s junk is another man’s hobby.
NB there is commission to pay and a transportation fee, if required. The high end auction house also charges for photos in their catalogue etc.
In short, check out the T & C of your auction house. You may not make much but it is worth it to get the stuff out of your hands and to save it from landfill. Just don’t have high expectations of prices, though 70ies furniture sells better than true antiques.
Personally I don’t think e-bay and local Facebook selling pagers are worth the hassle, as people don’t always turn up to collect, or demand their money back if they reckon an item is faulty.

A house clearance is the removal of unwanted items from a home. It can involve getting rid of everything in the home, just specific items, or waste from part of a property. House clearances are when multiple items or bags of rubbish are taken away from a house at the same time.

NotSpaghetti

We recently had a reputable auctioneer value my mother-in-law's possessions/household goods for probate.
Nothing is worth anything very much.

Her dining chairs (£400 each many moons ago) "may not sell" but if they did would not go for much. Maybe a few pounds each. One of her pair of signed prints (bought in the 80s for £90 each) is on ebay for £15.
Her Royal Doulton etc is barely worth bothering with. Even her gold watch is only worth the melt-down value of the gold.

We have offered all the family to come and take anything they like. We have had about three carrier bags go.
A magnifying glass, a table lamp, an atlas, a painting, her manicure set...
Really very little.

I think much of it will go to charity shops - if they will take it.

Excellent post.

Perhaps take a few small reminders, take pictures, call an auction house, they will take what they can sell, then call a house clearance firm.

I had many sisters, this fell to me, it's daunting, I'm sorry.

You’ve had some good advice on here and I can’t think of anything more useful.
Just be aware that once it’s gone you will probably not give it another thought. It’s the ‘getting rid’ that is the hard part.

Your father is in your heart, memories in your mind, not in things.

I’d also give your son an ultimatum, it’s not fair expecting you to store his stuff ad infinitum. If he wants it, he should pay for storage and visit to physically move it to said storage.
You’re being put upon Penguin.

Exactly what I wanted to post Pamela. I’m one of the softest, most emotional people, but I knew I just had to get on with it and clear my Dad’s house after he died. I’m not a hoarder and had no interest in any monetary value, so I
took a few things for myself and my DDs, but just ornaments, his ring, his fountain pen and his drawings. The solid
oak dining room suite went to the BHF who collected.
Parker Knoll chairs? Couldn’t give them away! Clothing went to Charity Shops, as did some bed linen, china and curtains. Obviously, no-one wanted old beds, so I hired 3 skips and everything just went in. They were just ‘things’. They weren’t him, he’s here in my heart.

Romola

Can I make another suggestion? Is there a branch of Emmaus near you? It's a charity which gives homeless men a place for up to a year, and meanwhile they learn how to restore and sell furniture and other items.
If you call them, they will come and take anything away that they can sell at no cost to you. And you will have the satisfaction of knowing you're helping others.

Yes they are a very good charity & also aged uk will pick up if you have fire labels. If selling on EBay, put collection only, but she would have to time it so that she was at fathers house.

Thanks again for all your messages. Thanks especially to Cabbie21 for your knowledge and experience of selling at auction. I am doing this alone just as I looked after my dad alone and organised his funeral alone, but now I feel surrounded, not isolated , because of all your kind and compassionate message.
I was just exhausted as I am still caring for someone who is bedbound and commuting three hours to get to my dad's place. Cheers everyone.

Romola

Can I make another suggestion? Is there a branch of Emmaus near you? It's a charity which gives homeless men a place for up to a year, and meanwhile they learn how to restore and sell furniture and other items.
If you call them, they will come and take anything away that they can sell at no cost to you. And you will have the satisfaction of knowing you're helping others.

I can recommend this charity , we used them for clearing my fil house and my mums. No charge for clearing and film , Tv and Theatre use them for props . We couldn’t believe what’s they’d take and were told they need genuine stuff for props .

We are seasoned auction attenders and buyers/sellers with antique dealers in our heritage.

I am surprised you are having difficulty finding a good local auction house. Do not look for adverts Just google the town your father's house is in and the two words 'auctions valuers' and that will bring up all your local ordinary auction houses.

They all try to give the impression they sell immensely valuable goods all the time, but they don't. Email or speak to them. If they do happen to be fine art auctioneers only they will tell you so and will probably be able to recommend another more suitable company.

One more point. Why do you allow your son and brother ride roughshod over you all the time? Tell your son to contact a storage facility near you to arrange to rent a storage space, to send you a list of all the things in your house that belong to him. When you get the list, hire a van and man and get them to move the stuff from your house to the storage space - and send him the bill for the van hire. Treat your brother just the same. tell him that as dealing with yur fathers house and contents is devolving on you, you are setting the agenda. Tell him what you intend to do and when, and do not change anything to suit his convenience. His behaviour over the funeral was outrageous.

I was surprised at how much the auction house took but even the antique items sold for very little but in then end everything bar one travel trunk c 1910 did sell. Get some cardboard labels with strings to attach to larger items to identify which things can be taken when a van turns up to collect. The local council took I think 4 items such as mattress, old chair for c £30. I believe there is now an area in a recycle/refuse centre where decent items can be left aside such as radios. Books were hard... full of memories too.

I dont know how to send virtual bunch of flowers....good luck and let us know how things work out.

barmcake

A house clearance is the removal of unwanted items from a home. It can involve getting rid of everything in the home, just specific items, or waste from part of a property. House clearances are when multiple items or bags of rubbish are taken away from a house at the same time.

Ah, thank you for explaining. I was trying to see the difference between charity, auction and house clearance. I suppose house clearance encompasses all three at once and gets your house clear of every item.