Sometimes it’s just the small things that press the bruise isn’t it? 😢

Sending you a very big (((hug))) 😘

I’m so sorry 😥 There arnt words enough to express how I feel for your pain.

So sorry 🥲

I'm so sorry, sending kindest thoughts to you

Thank you so much your kindness is touching. x

Any other widows out there who feel similar ‘pinches’? We can share. I never knew how devastating this would be. Not really.
The loss of a life partner is different to any other bereavement I have endured.

I have also lost my confidence a bit.

FGT I am sending you a hug

For me it was similar, it hit me the very next day when I woke early and the dishes were not put away.

Realisation kicked in, no-one but me to make myself a cup of tea, to take me out hand in hand and no goodbye. It happened so suddenly, we kissed, he went out for a cycle ride and his heart failed going up a hill. A policeman came to tell me and took me to the hospital, he was taken there by air ambulance, we were too late. I was in shock then reality hit me good and hard

I know how you feel FGT I really do

If knowing how much we care about what you are going through is of any use at all, then be reassured that we do. There is nothing that can relieve your pain, but there are those on here who are going through the same anguish. 💐

So very sorry for your loss. xx

I'm so sorry FGT you evoke that devastating loss in all its rawness. I hope writing about it proves carthatic in some sort of way.

It's very early days, FGT. You are probably still waking up expecting to see your DH beside you. Hopefully, time will help, but mourning is the price we pay for love, it is said, so I hope that you can be glad of the love that you shared.
Best wishes.

Sending you a hug as well.

Your post brought tears to my eyes, FGT.
It must be so hard, missing all those little things we take for granted.

💐

I'm not a widow myself, but I just wanted to say to be kind to yourself - it is still early days, and grief is not a linear thing. Sometimes it just creeps up and smacks you right in the face when you least expect it. And yes, it's often those little things which hurt the most - the things which we do tend to take for granted.

FGT2 such a sad post. Take care.

I hear you, FGT. . I wrote a birthday card for someone today. My name on its own looked so lonely on the page.

I also looked for a birthday card for my dd, later this month. I saw one with ‘To Our Daughter’ on the front and it almost undid me. 😰

I think it’s the little things too.
Realising that Paw had actually quietly stashed away some pension provision for me without telling me - because of over 10 years of ill health and hospital admissions he had not been able to continue with his career I was used to lurching from overdraft to overdraft and when he died I did not even know how I was going to afford his funeral.
That made me cry.
Seeing his handwriting on a random note -😢😢😢- but worst of all was a tiny DVD clip of us arriving at my aunt and uncle’s Ruby wedding do- somebody must have asked Paw how he was and hearing his standard reply “ Not too bad thank you” dissolved me.
But these would not hurt if they had not triggered happy memories.
“Do not weep because he is no more, but be glad because he was.”

PS warning to FGT and SueDonim - writing birthday cards and later in the year, Christmas cards on your own - be prepared.

I have no idea how you feel, all I can do is send you love and hugs, all of you who’ve suffered such a massive loss xx

Yes, missing the little things is so hard and you can feel so alone when it hits you.😞

It’s coming up to DH’s 11th anniversary (how can it be so long in some ways but only a moment ago in others?).

I’ve found the last few weeks difficult as my mind goes back to his final few weeks and how sad he was when he realised his time was running out. “I thought I had five years” he said to me. Breaks my heart all over again when I remember.💔

You’re doing so well, FGT but it’s inevitable that the tears will still fall and it’s good to share your sadness and not bottle it up.

As Shakespeare so aptly put it ‘Give sorrow words, the grief that dare not speak knits up the o’erwrought heart and bids it break’💐

PS. I never wrote another Christmas card after DH died. Just couldn’t bring myself to sign it without his name.😭

DGD’s birthday in two days and DGS’s in a couple of weeks and writing their cards was so hard.

Not daft .. it is not daft at all. It is the tiny unexpected things that undo us.

It is hard I know ... very hard. Sending a hand hold, knowing it is not the same as a hug from your loved one.

So many poignant posts and wise words. Thank you all for responding. I really appreciate your takes on this widowhood status. A club no-one wants to be in.

Thank you too to others, not widowed, but sending heartfelt condolences. Kindness of GN at its best.

I guess some days are just harder, more emotional than others.

I do very well. I’m loved by family and friends so I’m fortunate. My husband’s death was expected. We inched towards it all last year. Cancer is very cruel but thankfully he wasn’t in pain at the end, in the hospice where he close to end his days. Knowing it’s going to happen is known as ‘anticipatory grief’ apparently and Psychiatrist Professor Brice Pitt found that the worst effects of bereavement are avoidable by this type of grieving.

On another note, I’ve been surprised to find that one really does get to know who one’s friends are. Yes it’s early days and perhaps I’m expecting too much or being too ‘needy’. Time will tell. However I’ve been hurt by some couples - longstanding friends of 40+ years - who just send a WhatsApp (so easy!) “how are you doing?” type messages. I’ve already suggested (and actioned) first meet ups - going over on the bus - shamelessly inviting myself - and then … nada. I can’t just continue to nudge them so will have to wait and see what happens this summer.

What I need is a positive arrangement. “How are you? Wondering if you’d like to meet for the cinema next week /a meal/a drink” etc. Being proactive.

Some friends (not the ones I expected, much to my surprise) are doing this. Others, who I thought would be more in touch, nope. Maybe they just think I’m fine.

Am so sorry FGT, I have not yet been in your shoes but a year and a half ago my DH had a massive stroke from which he has not recovered well and is a shadow of his former self. He is still with me, thank heavens but I mourn the life we have now both lost, he can’t remember our wedding day, the births of our children, and when I see pics of him on my phone prior to the stroke with us both leading full and active lives I weep.
I can’t imagine your grief but can only send hugs 😔🌹🌹

I didn’t know it at the time fgt but I came to know afterwards that I suffered from anticipatory grief. So, I am interested in why the Psychiatrist says what he did. I’m hoping I can find this if I google.
Interesting thing about friends. One set were brilliant towards me both before and after. A couple who we have been close friends since teenage years I now feel that the wife uses things that are said to her for doing a gossip round to others and her husband who DH did a lot for over the years one way or another has never offered to do a thing for me (and there is a particular story behind that which I won’t go into here).

Life is certainly very different.
xx