Two years and still heartbroken

12 years since my husband passed. I honestly think that the second year is the hardest. I can't say it gets easier, but we do get better at managing and coping with our grief. Sending you some MAHOOSIVE (((HUGS)))

It’s coming up for four years since DH died and 4.5 since my lovely son died too. I keep bug…ing on.
I have made a new life for myself after moving from Kent to Bristol.
Am I happy? No. I live from day to day, as the last four years have been horrible due to various things. I have decided that 2026 will be the first better year. So far, it’s ok. I must both my darlings every day, I still have tearful storms but they are fewer.
Life, if not wonderful, is ok.
My most important emotion is to never, ever let my surviving children know how I feel.

Doodle I lost my daughter 7 years ago, husband 4 years ago and everyday I think if the.. I am realising when they are in my mind it is not so sad as it was a year ago and I can speak of losing them without falling to bits. Any kind of anniversary is a trigger and I have had to be on my own. Time I feel lessens the hurt but will never take away the sadness.

I have been widowed for 5 years, and it took me the first 3 to process the shock and upheaval of going from being one half of a happy couple to becoming an aging widow. The past 2 years have been better, and I am now in a state of contentment, with fleeting moments of happiness. Although I fill my days with lots of different group activities, I am most relaxed just pottering around my house and garden. I still feel sad sometimes, especially when I’m with the grandchildren that my husband never met, he would have been such a lovely Grandpa, it seems so unfair that he didn’t get the chance.

Thank you for all your lovely replies. So many of us just plodding on as we have to do but I am grateful to have a loving family and friends. I just miss that closeness with the one who understood me best and the lovely companionship we had together

Cossy or anyone, what do those two symbols mean?
They always perplex me.

I feel I was doing the best I could, seeing friends, going to music, theatre, cinema, walking with friends,, great relationships with my children and grandchildren,
Then life happened. In quick succession I had a serious virus, then four infections. I was told I might have a terminal illness (I don’t)
Then my sil almost died, icu for a month, a close family friend was run over by drug driver, another friend died in an accident, my oldest friend of sixty years died. She was ready, died at home with loved ones. The three others were forty, with young families.

Honestly, I fell off a cliff. All these dramas/life events reminded me how much harder it is to negotiate these things without my lovely husband. And more loss.

On a more positive note, I’m still here, rebuilding my life again. Sil home and recovering, though tough road ahead.
We thank god for life and the love we share . We have so little control over our lives. Bereavement reminds us of that and of the need to try to find something good in the day

A very poignant post Iam I admire your fortitude.
You’ve been through so much of late and, as you say, all without your darling man to share with and lean on. Trying times indeed. I hope this summer brings you better days ahead. xx

Heavens! Iam, That’s a lot to have had to cope with. I’m not surprised events took their toll.
Look after yourself and I share FGT’s hope for better days ahead.

Iam64 since my husband died in 2004 I always find a positive from a negative even if its something silly. It's how I cope everyday without him . Silly example 2 wood pigeons on my fence the male went to jump on the female missed and fell into my garden. Flew back and moved towards the female she move and looked at him . In my mind she said are you kidding me he went to jump on her so she flew off but it made me laugh.

Another more extreme example had to have angography using a local anaesthetic January 2025 as I never had a local before asked for sedation as well. As they cut into my wrist found out it hadn't worked nor had the sedation. But I didn't tell them. I am on blood thinners and would have taken to long to stop the bleeding. Me being me I lay still tears filling my ears and heard a blue a blue pinks no good her veins collapsed. Keep my eyes shut . Turned out only slight furring in my right artery, good heart function and the hole I was born with which I found out about when I 62 in 2001
was the same size and shape. So I didn't need a stent. They put an dressing on turn a circular ring over it and pumped it with air using a syringe . Gave me the syringe so the nurse on the ward could take some air after a hour. I was fascinated how anyone had invented it.

Finding a positive from a negative no matter how silly has got me through the last 22 years since my husband died.

We all have to find ways to cope and that's how I coped looking after my parents and mother in law until they died.

Grieve for a child I would never comment on as I don't know how that feels. And have no idea how parents cope. That to me is the worst grief. Next is the death of a spouse or partner . I have found there are more grieves than just the death of a loved one . As no doubt many here have also found .

Whiff, I do similar approach, every day, no matter how tough, will have positives. Find them

Why would you or anyone else expect you to move on? grief is love with nowhere to go. You still love your man and you have lost not only that man but the future you imagined. Be kind to yourself. Have you tried a widows group? Meeting with other people who understand can help.

13 weeks for me today. Totally in bits i so wamt to be with him ive cried all night got up late just to cuddle his pillow maked me feel close to hik. Still crying now. 1sr fathers day without him totally heartbtokem dont feel i can go on.

Just realised fathers day is not till june 21 my heads all muddled

Such wise words from everyone above, 8 years now for me and still miss hom desperately every day.
I cope..... because I have to..

I doubt i will. Ever come to terms with my loss he was and still is my world. We have never been seperated ever its 91 days today im floundering.

My tears are now my constant companion i doubt they will ever stop truly heartbroken my chest hurts so much, i so want to be with him, there is no purpose without my DH.

So sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how you feel and dread being in your position because I don’t know how I’d cope. I sincerely hope hope you find peace and you’re doing good going out and meeting people and I think this will eventually be your way forward. Thinking of you.

Mystyeyes
At the age of 88 Iknow or have known many widows, I’m one myself and I truly believe you need some help from a professional, either GP or some sort of counselling.
Grief is normal, we wouldn’t be human if we did not grieve to greater or lesser extent but yours seems overwhelming and taking you over completely.
Please consider talking to someone who can point you in the direction where your feelings can be talked through and hopefully lessened to a degree that is still how you feel but where you see a glimmer of hope.

Doodle is it really 2 years. It seems much more recent.
5½ years for me . I'm finding plenty to occupy myself but oh how I miss him.
He was the good part of me. He was gentle and kind.
I want to share the joys (and sorrows). of parent and grandparenthood with him but I can't.

Like others here I have lost close friends too recently. People who knew him and some new friends don't though they can be kind and understanding.

I was at my DBiL funeral last week and that's another sadness.

How do we cope? I don't know but we do. We must.

Usedtobeblonde. I dont do counselling im a very private person i struggle speaking verbaly . I wont tske medication ot just dulls pain and not stop it so you either end up on it long term or stop it and your pain is stillv there waiting to he dealt with. So itd not for me. I feel the only way for me is to go through it. I had 57 wonderful years woth my DH i would fo it all again in a heartbeat even though his last 4 years were poor health. He was and stili is my world thru all eternity, i loved him so very deeply always will he was a wonderful man, my Mr Wonderful, i have mobility problems so dont get out much. I find people on here are lovely they offer conforting words which i appreciate.

Mystyeyes have you been able to manage with the admin after losing your husband? I’ve had so much to do and so much more to do that I’m wondering if you are coping ok in that way?

As UTTB says, I think perhaps professional help is the way forward. I know you say it won’t help, but I suspect it’s part of your despair that is telling you that it won’t help. When you’re at the bottom of a dark pit, it’s hard to imagine the smallest chink of light. As I understand it with therapy/counselling, if you just wanted to sit with them for an hour and simply cry, that would be ok. They’d accept it’s what you need to do.

It’s also ok if you eventually have periods of not crying while at home, it’s not a reflection of how you feel about your Dh. You’re not forgetting him, you still love him forever. Would he want you to be so sad for the rest of your life? I suspect not.

I. Getting thru admin slowly somebody said it can take 6 months to get thru. DH probably wouldnt want me sad if only he were here to ask or hug me and take the pain away. As i am now , a hug off him would take all bad hurtful things away his arms round me solved everything, made everything right, if only i could walk the stairs to heaven and bring him home again. Every tear i shed is a kiss from me, i was truly spoilt having such a wonderful man to share my life with and glad he chose me. My loyalty to my DH will never fade or waver there could never been anyone else for me. The house is filled with lots of his pics every room i go in he is ther
e with his beautiful smile as are all his possesions. I find it very comforting. I am writing the story of how are lives began. He married me twice 1st time in a registry office then 25 years later in a church both were beautiful days well remembered. I recently started a journal it helps write in it every day 2/3 ,times a day. I am trying to work thru its, its just so hard like ot is for everyone on here who is going thru this lonely, hurtful time. May you all look after yourselves and things move on for you. Thanks for listening to my rambles .

To everyone here this is just my experience as I often say. The only people who can help is someone going through the same thing whether its grief,heath problems etc. That's why GN threads gave been my go to source . Strangers who end up as friends don't know what the term would be for those on GN can't say pen pals. Think just saying friends helps me. I have been lucky enough to meet someone of those on GN in person and funny enough got on like a house on fire. Others email,text and talk on the phone.

Yes there are trolls and horrible people on GN . I have even had abusive PMs from something I have written on bereavement threads. But everything I write is from my own experience.

I would say to everyone grieving a spouse or partner keep talking to them everyday. Post on the threads people understand how you feel and know you are not alone. Going through the stages of grief hit everyone at anytime and nothing you feel is wrong . Grief like everything in life is personal to you.
My love and grief for my husband never dies and I wouldn't want it to. He is still my whole world. We both were stubborn and had tempers . So sparks would fly but we never went to sleep without telling each other I love you . I still say it every night before I go to sleep.
Mind you he would go mad if he saw what I used his precious chisels for. But when I was trying to get an old rose bush I thought what could I use so turned to his chisels and a hammer took me 3 days to get it out. But it made me laugh as I knew he would be saying what the hell are you doing woman do you know how much those cost me in 1980.

Silly example but laughing and thinking about your spouse or partner and what they would say and how they would do things I promise will get you through a tough patch even for a short time . Even grieving laughing,shouting,swearing or hitting a pillow if it helps you do it . I still do and it makes me feel better.

For me counselling wouldn't work. But writing on GN my rambles does as I know I am not alone . And I hope I help. But as I keep saying this is my own experience. And I have all the tee shirts like many on here as we have gone through more things than the death of the other half of ourselves .

Nothing you feel is wrong its personal to you . Grief hurts physically and mentally. But without loving the one person who made you whole is the heavy price we pay that's why for me my grief will never stop and only get worse as the years go by. But I was loved totally and no matter what my husband was by my side . He is in my heart and mind . My life for him gets stronger because that love has got me through some tough times the last 22 years and will continue until the day I die.

Keep posting how you feel you are not alone . X

You do not know about real loss because it only occurs when you have loved someone more than you love yourself.