Not invited to funeral

I understand how you feel. I have a longstanding friend. We have known each other 70 years, and were she to die first, I would be devastated to be excluded from the funeral.

But, I have said many times on GN that funeral plans are for the deceased when living. The funeral is for those left behind and if, were my friend to die and the family say 'family only' I would be devastated, but I would accept it, I would have no choice, but I think I would devise my own quiet 'funeral service', as other people have suggested and hold my own remembrance.

That must be hard to take but when it comes to funerals you have to accept any wishes that the deceased has requested. In this case it looks like a very small funeral was what he wanted.
You say that you and many others will not be going to his funeral. If you are close enough to some of them why don't you get together for lunch and share your reminiscences that way?

Should read DH and I

Due to health problems and long distance I couldn’t get to a dear friends funeral. On the day DH went to our nearby Cathedral and lit a candle and then had tea and cake as she and I used to do

Lovely post Aldom, and what a loss.

It's a tricky one, to accept the wishes of family but also to find your own path and way of saying Goodbye.

Very sorry.

My younger, twin brothers died a few months apart, four years ago.
The first brother to die wanted no one in attendance for his cremation.
My sister in law rang me to explain, thinking that I might be upset at not being able to attend. I reassured her that I was perfectly happy with my brother's wishes and I would quietly think of him on the day of his cremation. He was not religious.
When my second brother died his wife also contacted me to say that the only people present at his service would be the priest and herself. My brother and his wife were practicing Catholics and the priest had been very supportive throughout his illness. I sat in a Catholic church in Oxford, quietly remembering my brother at the time of his short service prior to cremation.
I feel I have said goodbye to my brothers' and have respected their wishes. My acceptance made it easier for their widows. I have no regrets regarding the way things were done.
I send you my kindest condolences for the loss of your dear friend. May you too find acceptance and peace.

My mum made her wishes clear. She didnt want a funeral with lots of people. She only wanted 'the breakfast club' ie immediate family who went out with her every month. We adhered to those wishes. A funeral is hard to organise and please everyone so just think of your friend and drink a toast to him.

Well it’s not a slight on you as it’s only 8 close family so I think you must accept the thoughts behind it , even if not agreeing or understanding. I d buy a bottle of your favourite tipple or cup of tea if you prefer and quietly celebrate his life and your friendship, your way in your heart and in your head, at the time of the funeral
Funerals are just outward showing of grief and very overrated in my opinion
When my close friend died I didn’t want to go to her funeral, all her friends were dressing up and having a party, and that was their way, for me I spent my time alone just think about her We re all different
Don’t be sad for the funeral, be sad for your friendship leaving you and for his suffering, but don’t be sad about the outward stuff . Do it your way