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Care & carers

Care home have asked Mum to leave

(92 Posts)
Nana3 Sat 05-Mar-16 14:25:37

Mum went into a residential care home in October, first for respite then permanently. They knew she had Alzheimer's. In November Dad died, grief caused mum to stop speaking, eating and she lost her mobility. She was prescribed an antidepressant and is now very slightly better. Last week the manager told me that they could no longer meet her needs because of her lack of cooperation and the need to hoist her. She has been reassessed but doesn't need nursing care. I have been to see a few homes today and they are also not able to take people with mobility problems although I was told as their residents deteriorate they don't ask them to leave. Mum is 92. I am struggling, I feel out of control of the situation, not sleeping, worrying. Social services say they will help me find a place which is something.
I feel mum is having a very shabby deal, what do you think?

Charleygirl Sat 05-Mar-16 14:32:41

Utterly appalling treatment of your mother and also yourself. They were well aware when she was admitted that she was never going to get any better and it does not take rocket science to understand that she will require more care over time. They were eager to take her money until they discovered that they would have to do some work. Sorry for the rant!

I am so pleased to hear that Social Services will help. Try not to let it get you down- they cannot put her out in the street.

granjura Sat 05-Mar-16 14:38:21

Very hard. We had the same thing with my mother-in-law - she was in the same care home for 3 years with mild Alzheimers getting worse. My sister-in-law was also told that she had to move her to a residential home that could cope with her when she got worse. It was a nightmare to find a suitable place- but she did finally find one. My mil died the night before her due move, and we all feel she somehow knew about the move and made the decision to die before. If I remember rightly, and that was about 10 years ago- it was made clear to us when she went into the first care home, that they would not be able to keep her beyond a certain stage.

grannylyn65 Sat 05-Mar-16 14:41:07

Dreadful, the home I worked in only moved people on if they became very violent.
Agree with Charleygirl 100%
For you ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’

Nelliemoser Sat 05-Mar-16 15:07:34

My husband's granny was in residential care and away with the fairies for years before she died but she was never asked to move. She was a gentle soul and not at all difficult to manage.

Isn't there something now about the way care homes are registered an that if they have dementia they need to be in a car home that is registered for dementia patients?

Elrel Sat 05-Mar-16 15:26:05

I worked for a few months in a council run home for the 'fit elderly' in the NW. No one left except for serious medical reasons and while I was three residents died. It mainly served the local community so residents and staff had shared experiences and it had a pleasant atmosphere.

Nana3 Sat 05-Mar-16 15:37:10

Thank you so much for all your support, it's very comforting.
Nellie there are homes for dementia care but most of the people in Mum's home have it to some degree.
Charliegirl other people have said that to me about the money but I didn't like to mention it. I am in the process of selling Mum's house to pay for her care, her savings are depleting fast.
granjura the way my mum looks at me she looks so unhappy, I think she knows something is happening. I haven't told her about the move.

loopyloo Sat 05-Mar-16 15:59:22

It is very difficult. I have been through this with my brother. You need to find a nursing home rather than a residential home and one that has a dementia unit. I assume she was assessed for 'continuing care' which is a farce as the the CCG do everything they can to get out of paying. There are legal firms who will look into it and fight your case.
In the mean time I hope you find somewhere that will take her . Also perhaps her GP could review her made and give her something that helps her mood. My brother had Memantine which did help.
Hope things improve.

Luckygirl Sat 05-Mar-16 16:50:11

Who is paying for her care? If it is the LA then you cannot rule out that their assessment of her needs is influenced by the extra cost - they are underfunded and very strapped for cash.

Nana3 Sat 05-Mar-16 17:06:58

She's self funding. The district nurse assessed her as not needing nursing care. It's the care home not the LA that say they cannot meet her needs. Her social worker has been sympathetic but she can't go against what the care home say, it's private not LA.

TriciaF Sat 05-Mar-16 20:09:17

Re-reading your first post, Nana3, it seems to be the mobility problem that they can't cope with. My Mum had mobility problems after a stroke, went into a residential home. But she was very light, even I could lift her.
Hope you find a more suitable place soon.

f77ms Sat 05-Mar-16 21:31:21

lt seems to be all about how much money they can make with the least amount of work .

It is inhumane to move these elderly people about especially when it is known to make their mental conditions worse.
I really despair about what is happening in our society with our old and disabled as if they have no worth .

Is there anyway you could have her at home with you ? I had my Mum when she became very frail and had lost her mobility . I am not in good health myself and have a muscle wasting illness but I managed and am so glad I did it as I know her last few years were spent feeling cherished and cared for . There are lots of aids you can buy to facilitate someone staying at home . She would be so much happier in a normal home with people who love her , and it is not forever .

I hope when it is my turn I don`t end up in a care home , I find it a very scary thought !

Nana3 Sun 06-Mar-16 06:12:24

I must admit I have thought exactly that f77ms, about taking the money for the least amount of work.
I so admire you for taking care of your Mum, I have thought so much about it and how I would cope. If only I was 10 years younger.

kittylester Sun 06-Mar-16 08:34:21

My mum was asked to leave a wonderful care home when they couldn't cope with her behaviour. Certainly in our area, and I imagine everywhere else, care homes are categorised and the home that evicted mum was not actually registered for dementia patients. So, although the home tried to keep residents if their behaviour allowed it, mum was too poorly controlled and was a danger to herself, the staff and other residents

You can go on the CQC website and search for appropriate homes in your area (at least you could when we were looking) and our local library has a free care 'booklet' that is updated every year. When we were in your position we looked for suitable homes and then referred back to our lovely social worker for guidance on top up fees etc.

It's a worrying time for you but your mum could eventually end up in a more suitable home. Good luck

TriciaF Sun 06-Mar-16 09:04:50

kittylester - the care homes where Mum lived were categorised too, and in fact they shouldn't have admitted her, becaus the place she liked best was for mobile alert people. TG she was alert, she still had "all her marbles", but she needed a lot of physical help. The staff were kind enough to say they would cope, and they did.
Sadly it was one of the small cosy homes which were forced to close when expenses increased, but that was after she died.

Teetime Sun 06-Mar-16 09:58:23

nana3 I am so sorry that you and your mother find yourself in this very difficult situation and I hope Social Services help you find something suitable soon and that the move is not too difficult.

Just to put the other side for a moment as someone who has run several care homes and also been an Inspector. The regulations are very strictly applied to homes who have residents with levels of need and dependency higher than that which the homes is registered for and can appropriately provide and they can lose their registration. Sadly the progress of some conditions is unpredictable and its almost impossible to tell what their care needs will be in the future.

I hope that new place you find for your mother makes the transition as smooth as possible for you both. Best wishes. flowers

granjura Sun 06-Mar-16 10:21:44

Excellent post teetime. I was thinking of putting something to this effect, from the point of view of a relative of someone going into a care home.
When we were looking for a place for my mil- we wanted somewhere where she would be surrounded by people she could chat to, play games, etc. Any home with a significant % of residents showing clear signs of dementia behaviour, were actually deemed not suitable for her- as she was in the early stages and we thought it would be too depressing for here to be surrounded by either distressed people with Alzheimers/dementia, or those who had lost the ability to communicate. Of course- within a couple of years- she had progressed to the stage described above- days of shouting, and days of total withdrawal... and if new residents came to visit- she would have been one of the ones that would have put them off making that choice.

So so hard- but thank you Teetime for explaining this from your professional experience.

durhamjen Sun 06-Mar-16 11:40:31

My 94 year old mother in law is now in her third home, and it's impossible to have a conversation with any of the residents in this home. However, she has dementia, and is often comatose with the medication to calm her down. Other times she shouts a lot, but so do many of the other residents.

She was self-funding to start off with two years ago but is now fully funded.
She has two sons, one of whom was not bothered about having her reassessed. The other organised all the social worker interviews, etc., and got the full funding because of the deterioration.

Nana3, you need to get her reassessed.

durhamjen Sun 06-Mar-16 11:48:45

By the way, both times my mother in law moved to a new home it was from hospital; the first time she had had a stroke and was less mobile, the second she had fallen and broken her hip.

durhamjen Sun 06-Mar-16 15:42:39

www.theguardian.com/society/2016/mar/06/uk-dementia-friendliest-country-jeremy-hunt

Who believes this?

MiniMouse Sun 06-Mar-16 15:57:14

Well, I'd like to!! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Gracesgran Sun 06-Mar-16 16:18:03

As my dementia suffering mother's carer I find the very term "dementia friendly" very demoralising in this context. We want research, treatment and cures. Of course understanding is good but specialist nurses, treating it with equality to a physical disease and sufficient support for carers would go a long way. Please Conservatives stop patronising and take this cruel disease seriously.

(thank you for the link Jen)

Nana3 Sun 06-Mar-16 23:20:01

Thank you Teetime I didn't know that the care home could lose it's registration and I can see that it's essential to meet the needs of the residents. I was told the problem is the lack of mobility and the need to use the hoist as it takes up too much time.
Mum looked so sad today, she just sits with her eyes closed all the time. But I'm sure it's grief that makes her that way more than anything. I took 5 year old granddaughter and mum's face lit up for a brief minute when she saw her.
granjura was your mil asked to leave when the dementia progressed?
I will find out about re- assessment durhamjen, social services are coming to do a financial assessment on Tuesday.

Teetime Mon 07-Mar-16 14:02:46

I hope it goes well. flowers

granjura Mon 07-Mar-16 14:56:39

Yes. She had mild Alzheimers when she first went into the care home. She was still lively and happy, and loved to chat with the others and play games, etc. But when she got worse and her behaviour became difficult- the Manager called by sil in (we lived 3 to 4 hrs away, and sil 15 mins) and explained they were not set up to deal with advanced Alzheimer's, and as much as they had enjoyed having her, and how much the staff loved her- there was no option but to move her (I think in those days it was a part 3 care home) - a) due to regulations and b) because the atmosphere of the home would change dramatically if people with her behaviour stayed.

We understood that, as we ourselves, initially specifically looked for a place where other residents could chat and take part in activities, etc- and realised that- had we experienced residents like her- we would not have chosen that establishment for her initially. That is so hard, I agree.

We will never ever know how she died that very night. Sil got a call early am, just before her alarm went so she could go and pick up her mum and take her to the new place- to say she had passed early in the morning.
We were all in some way relieved that she didn't have to endure the move.