My DH has an elderly aunt who we helped find a lovely care home for a couple of years ago, since then we have been left to deal with everything for her from selling her house, paying the home care costs (from the house sale money), sorting her pension and benefits and buying everything she needs day to day. My DH visits her weekly. Most of the remaining family disappeared as soon as it looked like she might need help. However she has just one friend who visits her but she upsets the care home staff with her bossy ways and constant criticism. Aunt is now 95 and isn't the pernickerty person she once was although she is still stubborn and always right! , She doesn't like changing her clothes or showering and it is this which the friend finds difficult. The care home, like us, are of the opinion that we can't make Aunt shower or change if she doesn't want to, she has the right to make her own choices (this is a care home not a nursing home) and she shouldn't be forced into doing something against her will, as long as we provide the necessary like clean clothes, soap, shampoo etc which she hoards and offer active encouragement then the rest is up to her. Friend disagrees and starts arguments with the staff every time she visits. How do I tackle this without Aunt losing a rare visitor.
