95 year old Mum in hospital but this pain in groin?

Gilly123 we went through exactly the same things with eating. My mum lost a great deal of weight. The dietician came and they tried giving her some nutritional drinks which she hated, she said they were too sweet. She would eat something a few times and then say she didn't like it. It is a fact that age makes the taste buds change. We did find that comfort food was favoured. We used to put custard in a flask and take a piece of apple pie in a plastic box, then pour it over and she would eat that. It is terribly hard. She had a tube of Pringles which we used to encourage her to eat between meals (but check she's not on a low salt diet).

You can ask for the dietician to visit just mention it to the nursing staff
Sounds like she has IBS or some kind of inflammatory bowel disease have you asked for a second opinion?

Hello Gilly. At your Mum's age, food should really be whatever she likes. I wouldn't be worried about whether it's good for her - at her age it doesn't matter. Just give her what she likes. Bringing food from home seems like a great idea.

I'm not a doctor but if she can press on the painful spot and eventually she releases wind , it does sound like some kind of "trapped gas" situation. You may well find that once she is up and mobilising more, that will subside.

Best wishes to you - I've "been there and done that" and know that these last years with multiple hospital stays and mystery illnesses, really puts a strain on everyone.

Such a sense of relief this morning when I got up to feel I had you all there if I wanted to think 'out aloud'.

What must happen is - if we have a inquisitive mind then we try to search for answers - without - necessarily leaving it all to the doctors. (I know I did this with my cancer diagnosis and when I got the answers as I was told it may not be what you always want to hear. But it made me feel I had some power over what was happening.)

Anyway back to this morning do any of you know about the capsules for good bacteria that has obviously been stripped out of our Mum through antibiotics?

Also as she will have a catheter long term and what issues that could cause for infections?

Which in a way leads back to thinking a request for the dietitian in the hospital.

What I don't understand is my brother visited last night and said she had no pain at all??? So this terrible pain with her face screwed up as though she is having a'contraction' and can be timed can go away for a time. It was so bad last time they actually took out the catheter to see if that was one of the issues - but it wasn't. So it does seem to relate doesn't it to what she has or has not been eating?

stella - I did wonder if once she moved around it could be better. Not sure if I said I put in a written request that she be offered in the afternoon to lay on her bed for a nap is she wanted to. It upset me that it was only last Sunday that it occurred to me that sitting in a hard hospital armchair could amount to 8 hours. I asked the nurse what time she was dressed and put in her chair and she said about 10.30. I said no wondering she is begging to go to bed - when we were there and asking us to put her in. That was at least 8 hours sitting (with a catheter) so no need to be moved unless she wanted to sit on a commode with help.

So Monday I handed in my written request to confirm my telephone call that morning to ask if they could ask if if she would like to lay on top of her bed for awhile. When we went in the evening she was on the bed but in pain.

So last night when my brother went she was on the bed and said they asked her of she would like a rest and she did.

P.S. She never moans and as I said to the nurse she would not ask to lay on the bed she would do as she is told. In fact I have told them that if she is in pain she really is in pain. When they found she had a blocked and damaged kidney tube, just after she was admitted, the Doctor said she had one litre of trapped urine.

Gilly123 at her age she should be being moved regularly. Stood up at least every 2 hours and alowed to lay on her bed sometimes. There is a great danger of pressure sores. My mum had one and it was painful and difficult to treat. (It was the result of her not having proper control after a catheter was removed). Mum said some of the nurses ignored her when she wanted to be put to bed. I don't know if that is true but if she asked I used to go and find a nurse and ask that she be allowed to lay on her bed.

Hello Trisher. The nursing staff have always been kind to her but under pressure. The time they have to spend trying to cope with a 'mobile' lady who wanders around the 4 bay ward and who will walk into the 4 individual rooms (one of which our Mum was put into in case her upset tummy was infectious) because she can be looking for her cat.

In one way that has worked to our Mum's advantage because her bed was next to this lady who shouts a lot in the night. The staff really could do without the time spent looking after her this poor lady. They may have even thought to have asked our Mum before if they had not been pre-occupied or our Mum felt she could ask. All the nurses say what a lovely lady she is - maybe - because she is polite and doesn't complain.

I suppose if she has OT in the morning she has been 'moved' - but - it was when she was begging to get into bed at around 6 pm it then hit home to me and of course we went for a nurse and stayed until they came.

In the past we have visited and thought 'that's good she feels like being out of bed!' Not asking how long have you been sitting here. It did upset me not to have realised this before but I have, as I said, put it in writing in a kind way as a reminder.

Well - she is on the up again and seeing her yesterday was good. She was lying on her bed and quite relaxed. Apparently she has managed to walk, with help, to the bathroom with her 'walker'. Which is good that means her legs are getting stronger. Soiled clothing to bring home and a drip for fluids were there two days ago.

Doesn't bother to put on her glasses which are on the table in front of her. She loves all the staff and jokes with them. So.... she was in good spirit obviously wants to come home. Reckons the doctor sits and holds her hand and says 'Next Tuesday' and she said I tell him he keeps saying that.

But - what I have realised on the way home that our Mum is having a sense of humour! I am wondering having contact with the staff for 8 weeks has almost brought her out of a shell. She was always helping others in her spare time in the early years but I can never really remember her laughing and joking. She was always serious and throughout our child hood it was serious as she was a single parent and was always working.

I want to remember her laughing e.g. she said the catheter had leaked over the floor and the male nurse said 'Phyllis you naughty girl what have you done on the floor?' She said I told him that wasn't me it was you! Laughing whilst she told me. After awhile she said with a lovely smile 'Has your David fell asleep yet in the chair. Because if he has his mouth open when they come around with my pills they can pop them in there!'

She can't remember who has been to see her and she had the hospital phone me on Thursday to ask if we were coming to see her. The nurse said she told her that none of her children have been to see her. I was able to say my brother was actually arriving any moment.

So no mention of the pain which is so good and I didn't even raise the subject. Hopefully if she is moving around it might help. Thank you all for your support.

So pleased to hear this Gilly123. Funny things happen in hospitals and help you to bear things. Hope your mum continues to improve and is home soon.

Gilly what an uplifting and pleasing little "report" on your Mum and her condition,indeed showing such a great improvement whilst you sound almost a different person yourself,less harassed for sure!

A sense of humour is such a great gift and it seems to me your Mum has this in abundance,it will carry her through many a rough patch ...........furthermore the Staff will love her..... and not want to see her leave!

Strange you should remark that you are now noticing that she has well and truly "perked up" within herself.......and yet at home was far quieter.
This could be said of myself,having been a Nurse and my nature is to help others, there is none of this at home so to a point I retreat into a shell.
The moment I get put on a ward I am almost the life and soul.Busying myself helping others,finding their missing this or that for those that are bedridden.......and yes a joke a minute with Doctors,Nurses and whomever passes by.......

So this has brought your Mum back out of her little shell,and in a sense given her a new sense of life.She has been reborn!!

Little wonder you are so well pleased and now she is both relaxing and using her legs again on little trips,altogether there is great obvious progress.............health ways as well as a person.

Long may it continue and therefore remove this huge burden of care you have been carrying yourself.

Onwards and ever better to you and your Mum.

Thank you all. Yes - it was on my way home I thought she has been making jokes!!!

When she was home and it was just me for most weeks planning what we would do. She would ring and say it's me - sorry - can you tell me.....

Always very serious even her partner of 30 years, he died in 2007, it was as though everything was a sense of duty. They both did did voluntary Red Cross each weekend and holidays were spent helping on the 'holiday for the disabled at a holiday camp). I admired them for the work they did. They were both there to help me with our grandchildren in difficult times.

But as I say very rarely laughing with her - each week when I would take her out I would have to listen to the story, word for word, of the latest book she was reading and 'your father did this, etc, etc. One day I actually said'It was your husband' and she said that she didn't like having to say it. She divorced our father when we were under five years of age - not a nice man - big mistake like many during those wars years so it seemed not really knowing the person.

Then recently it would be looking out of her flat window moaning about something. I tried several ways to get her to have others to talk to e.g. Silverline, Book Club, etc, but she didn't want to. I grew up with 'It's not for the likes of us' we were council tenants and started to save for our own home and when I told her that was the reply. (She even told me when I should leave Grammar School because she had a job for me working in the factory office where she was.

Anyway it was strange to suddenly visit and to hear her laughing!

Panache it means lovely nursing staff, like you, have helped to bring out the best in my Mum.

Well my brother went yesterday. Our mother now wants Wiltshire Farm Foods brought to her everyday. Apparently the staff are worried that she is not eating enough. Basically she just refuses unless it takes her fancy. When we were there on Saturday it was a lovely salad brought to her for her supper but she didn't want it.

It is not easy taking these meals up for the 30+ miles and then to cook them in their microwave. So we are going to have to see what the facility is for keeping some in their freezer. But ..... I know I am tired......of course it will be easier??? when she is home.

Just having a moan.

Gilly123 would they deliver to the hospital? Much easier for you (but they probably won't).

No - I would not expect them to it is a huge hospital. Basically the staff are being so good now and I really don't think it is fair. She did tell a nurse who cooked her crumpets that she wanted them cut in half! So.....is she beginning to act very child like or is it because she doesn't want to be in there she is just being awkward. The other thing is if she can't remember sometimes who has visited or what she had for lunch if you ask her then how would she remember she is having WFF every day.

I don't know I am tired and off again to hospital now. Moan over and let's see how she is feeling that's the main thing.

I take it's her left groin? Is she constipated or has she impacted faeces?

Just a thought Gilly.

Recently I was advised to take Ensure Plus,4 cans per day,added to whatever food I could manage whilst in Hospital as I had lost a very large amount of weight...........being nauseous constantly I could not eat the Hospital food in the main..........these cans brought in by my DH the Hospital kept in their fridge, bringing me one 4 times daily.
They are easy to consume with the aid of a straw,quite pleasant actually and highly nutritious.
Could this ........or any other make of "drink in a can" be at least tried?
(They can be prescribed and so the Hospital could easily get them if you were to ask)

Believe me Hospital food is fine for a week,then it gets repetitive and down right boring.

When unwell you need tempting and this is what I guess she might need ...........again perhaps it is time she was no longer there.
She has been in a long time and I have every sympathy for her.
I think also her age and memory failure is just one of "those" things you need to accept.

Certainly hoping you meet no further new obstacles on your visit,so draining for you,this I too fully understand.
Gilly........

You sound lovely and really doing your best all round. When people get into their 90's things go up and down so quickly and so often from my small experience. Just ask all the questions you want to and take any advice you can get, all the best

Well visit went OK?! We knew she had a urinary track investigation booked as an outpatient. I handed in a written request that this could be brought forward to be carried out whilst she is in hospital.

In past discharge has been imminent then she becomes poorly, hence, no time line possible. Anyway because of the difficulty regarding her health and distance my brother also visited the department and explained the situation. Last night we see Doctor who says your Mum could come home any day!! We said this appointment and he said it is for Saturday 19th - we said 'No' it is not feasible in her condition to be making her do this trip. What if she is poorly afterwards and it states that you will not be let home until satisfied you have recovered. Doctor said she would be re-admitted and we said this is silly! He gets out some 'transfer' notes and it states today 15th - he tried to get dept and all gone home. he said I don't know anything about this but I will have to book a porter and it is for morning this could be difficult....

Bottom line she is still very weak, which hopefully will improve when we get her home, she has only lost 1 Ib so I assume she has been eating but just forgets what she has had and would prefer to moan about hospital food.

Anyway fingers crossed for her sake they have fitted her in today. We have heard nothing from the OT team about her discharge plan being organised and would have thought we would have heard based on what the Doctor said last night. I think we are begging to see the 'dots not joined up'.

That sounds a bit odd Gilly123. Does she have a social worker if so can you ring them? The OTs and social worker were heavily involved in arranging a discharge for mum. It never happened but it seemed to be them not the doctor who were arranging things.

We have decided not to ring OT department we thought leave it to doctor knowing we want this procedure carried out before she leaves hospital. So when we go in this afternoon we should know one way or other. Yes - l agree OTs making arrangement for package of care and had no update from them as yet. We expected it anyway but certainly was requesting this procedure done before discharge.

One of the problems we had was that mum's reports of what had been said to her weren't always accurate. She seemed to make sense when talking to them but then couldn't remember, or was confused about, what she had been told. Our social worker was lovely and so helpful. Hope you find out more and it all goes well. It is so difficult to keep going. Stay strong and look after yourself.

Thank you - I know there are so many of us trying to cope with this.

But just sometimes when you think - I know she is confused so will not listen to watch she says - check with staff. Then you do like yesterday and Doctor says she is fit to be discharged as no urine infection. He then says she will come in as an out-patient on Saturday for a procedure.

We say 'We have asked for it to be brought forward'.

(The OT department have not told us what arrangements they have made? In fact they should be doing that to say the hospital bed is going to be delivered on.... is that convenient? Nothing...)

The we have a non-practical professional brother who lives over a hundred miles away, the doctor told us last night, that he said if our Mum is home then he is quite happy to bring her to outpatients????

We are saying he couldn't even get her in his car! Let alone get her out of her flat on his own! Plus that is a round trip for her of 60+ miles with a catheter and wheelchair bound.

We had a message from this brother saying he will be coming down next Monday. So what about his discussion with the Doctor?

I have just washed her heavily soiled nightie and thinking I think have a 'helpful' brother who says he is being supportive mmm....

Well that's my anger out of the way and I have had a few tears. So getting ready to go up to hospital again.

Gilly Oh! Gilly what can I say to help?

Sadly nothing, but at least the one small good point is you are venting your anger as you really need to, rather than allow all this to built up within you.

Please know I am following your posts but find it difficult to find any rhyme or reason to all this about your Mum and what exactly is next to happen.
It really is a shambles and not the first I have heard of today.

I can but sincerely hope all this aggro can be sorted and soon,whilst hopefully you find your Mum in a responsive.......and perhaps positive mood.
It is all so up and down that believe me,I too am confused so you have my every sympathy.
I don`t think there is such a thing as communication within Hospitals anymore.

Gilly123 At least your brother visits. Mine made one visit during the 3 months my mother spent in hospital . It was too far to come and the weather was bad (which it was) but I think I would have made the effort.