Caring for everybody?!

I'm so glad I asked! Lots of helpful advice and support and a strong feeling I'm not alone.

Hahaha! Brilliant MawBroon! That made me laugh. ?

I've suffered from a really painful shoulder since the summer. As it isn't visible my family forget about it. I'm asked to babysit and the little one, who I adore, wants me to carry him. Yesterday hubby and I were taking bottles to the bottle bank. he said, "it's your turn". I asked if I should hold the bag of bottles with my bad arm, and throw the bottles with the good arm, or the other way round. He looked as if he didn't know what I was talking about. I have told him time and time again I'm in agony. I can't put my bra on, can't make the bed, can't wash my hair etc., Rant over, I needed to get it off my chest.

I can only relate this to my elderly, infirm Mum who I take out to lunch every Friday. I always am given an increasing list of things to do, which I don’t mind to a degree, however ... she knows my timescales for returning home to pick up GS from school, and has a habit of dumping a last minute lengthy chore on me. I was late for him once and was so angry with myself for allowing her manipulation

I could have wrote this paragraph from your post Coconut only changing the mum to dad.... My sister (who is single with no ties whatsoever) rarely gets involved as to use her get out..."she doesn't drive" Grrrrr

I did an assertiveness training course at work once, they taught us to always say something positive before a negative , so something like” I’m really flattered you thought of me to ask to be on your committee/ look after your dog/ whatever , but I’m afraid I will have to say no this time” .

Learn to say no, sounds harsh, but it’s the only way you’ll preserve yourself.

Easy, 9be little word, s9rry, but no, no possible.

inishowen, I feel your pain. I've had to ask my son to reduce my childcare from 2 days to 1 as it hurts to do up the car seat with my painful fingers, swinging him into the car exacerbates my shoulder injury and chasing him nearly kills me with my bad back. My DH grimaces every time I ask him for help with my DGS and I could batter him...except I neither have the energy or strength in my joints to do it. Good job I love my DGS to death.

Some wise words someone once said to me, "If you never say 'no', what is your 'yes' worth?"

It took me a long time to find out but finally saying NO is very liberating

inishowen may I recommend you look into a steroid injection for your shoulder?
I too suffered for over 3 months feeling ever more wretched and paying out a fortune on Voltarol heatpads and some dodgy massage which left me bruised and broke!
I had my injection 10 days ago and am very close to feeling if not 100% then at least 85%!

When you are a carer saying no is a very important protection for ones mental health. I was amazed when I was looking after my mother how often friends who visited then thought I would wait on them hand and foot. On one occasion as the person seemed to think I was going to make her tea, I said I was just out to do the shopping and that the kettle boiled she could make herself a tea. and talk to my mother.

EmilyHarburn So true!