I do not seem to be a star turn at this caring lark; and have simply had enough this week.
OH is so stubborn. He just wants to sit in front of TV all day - fine, that is his right. But also he does not want me to go out and leave him. He is safe on his own for short periods - he has lifeline; I leave all phone numbers he could ring if needs be; I leave meds carefully labelled and ring in to make sure he has taken them etc.
The other day he said "I do not know how you can leave me like this" - enter guilt trip stage left.
I have tried to find ways of making it possible for him to come out with me, but yesterday when I suggested we get a small lightweight foldable wheelchair so that he could come out with me he looked at me with pure hatred and said: "You are not putting me in a wheelchair."
I suppose I was feeling a bit on the brink as I had just heard from the hospice that they cannot take him for respite whilst I go to a music festival at the end of May. Don't know how we are going to deal with this now - the B&B I have booked is entirely accessible for OH, but he is baulking at that too.
How do others cope with this sense of being trapped? I feel awful saying this as I know many people on here have lost partners and would give anything to have them back - but this is not my partner now really: just an obstinate old bloke who is stopping me living a life while I am still able. How crap does that sound?
I cannot make myself feel differently by turning a switch.
Luckygirl Thu 28-Feb-19 08:16:54
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