Husband with cancer taking it out on me

I remember this well from when my mother was ill.her nurses in hospital told me what a wonderful woman she was ,so kind hearted etc etc .It was only when a nurse walked in on mum berating me for bringing her a "cold" lunch instead of a hot one she saw what I had been warning her about .It was only me who got it in the neck though she continued to be an angel to everyone else .I supplied all her food in hospital as she refused to eat their food.I was working full time and had a teenager and a small child so the "cold" lunch was because I had run out of time and asandwich and some salad was quick and easy

Oh poor you, this is so hard. And yet very well known, that it is always the closest who see the hard and often 'nasty' side of the anger, fear and sadness felt by people who lose control, be it in an accident or severe illness- whilst they are funny and friendly and positive with others.

Look for the signs of you rising to the 'bait' and walk away. Tell him, quietly but firmly, when in a good moment and not the heat of an argument- that you really feel for him, that you will stand by him and help him all you can - but that you will just walk away if he shouts or is unpleasant and unkind, or lashes out in any way.

Just walk out of the room, and go and sit in the garden or another room, or go for coffee next door, etc.

Hugs- this is very hard. And well done you. x

Allowances do have to be made when a person is sick. It's so sad but it is a time when a person is and can be very off-hand and bad-tempered. All you can do is ignore the grumpiness, let it go in one ear and out of the other as this tetchiness is part and parcel of a dreadful illness. None of us can imagine how we'd be under the same circumstances.

I nursed such a husband in the past and took no notice of the peevish remarks. Just patience and understanding is all that's needed but walk away when he speaks with forked tongue.

BTW I did " everything " too---------bar strangle him

I would tell him that you will refuse to do anything for him that he cannot do for himself from now on and go out more by yourself, even if you have to get a sitter. It takes two to have an argument so don't be that second person, remove the audience!

Oh dear
Not much I can say in the way of comfort except to say that it is not unusual to take it out on our nearest and dearest.
My dear dad, when in hospital would be really tetchy with me, then wreathed in smiles when one of his friends came into the ward.
All I can say is that he is not thinking straight. It is one thing to have your personal care seen to by the health care professionals, but much more demoralising and demeaning when it is your wife. Is there any point my telling you not take it personally?
There may be a point where you can say calmly “I know how much you are suffering and I am so worried about you too, but does it really help to bite my head off?
If it really does, then go ahead but I still love you and will always care for you.”