Don't want to feel I am being selfish

If you get in touch with adult social services and ask about having someone to sit with him while you go out that may help. The sitters are all checked so no worries about harm comes to him then you just sort out with them how long you want and how often, used it a couple of times for my husband. Good luck

Caring for someone you love is very hard. It does take a lot away from your own life. You need to seek as much help and support as you can. The carer needs caring for too

Sue41... I feel exactly the same...my world is shrinking . I don’t know how long you’ve had the job of being carer to your husband, but I’ve been doing it now for 23 years. Sometimes I really think the only way out is for me to die first. But unfortunately apart from crippling arthritis I’m quite healthy. Still I do keep an ample supply of prescription painkillers for when I really have had enough!

I understand Sue, I also went through what you're going through. It is very difficult to be a carer. You feel that you need superhuman amounts of patience, strength - mental and physical. We're not superhuman though.

Our GP referred us to a hospice. Is there one near you? They can send people round to help in a practical way and a shoulder to cry on - both appreciated and much needed. They helped us to cope in what were very dark times.

Luckygirl What a wonderfully supportive and generous post. I'm not (yet) in this position but will always remember your wise advice in case it happens.

Very sorry to read of your distress, and no, you are not being selfish. Carers truly are the unsung heroes of society. Do you have a Carers' network or club in your locality? We have one in my town, funded in a large part by a local Charitable Foundation and they give excellent advice and support and events/activities to help alleviate the sometimes heavy burden of caring. Also, if your husband is suffering from a specific condition, is there a national organisation you could turn to for support? Even talking to other carers in the same situation as yours could be a great help and a way of finding new friends even online.

You are having a tough day. Tomorrow may be better. Be kind to yourself.

Thanks everyone. Top of my list of things to do today is arrange for one day a fortnight...4 hours...to have someone in to sit with OH. In 4 hours I can do a lot locally. Thanks, for all the advice.

Popping in again! A friend has offered to stay here and I go out for four/five hours...American Museum here I come! Not til Nov 1st but has lifted my mood immensely....I took on board all your lovely messages to me but we became thwarted by so many appts, visits by medical people all helping us..but interfered with all of our plans.but picking ourselves up again!
Right I am going to get on with today, and put lippy on!

Good for you. Thank you for the update, it is encouraging to know that our combined advices has helped.

Hello. I think carers are worth their weight in gold!

I am cared for by my hubby of 47 years and 2 ladies who come in. They do 28 hours, plus 2 sleepovers a week. And boy! do I appreciate all of it.

Sounds like you could benefit from a carer`s assessment...that would be for you and what about a care assessment for your OH?

Social services will see to it for you.

It is honourable to do everything yourself, but it is sensible to ask for help.

Why not think about it, eh?

I just want to say thank you for your replies....really helped me...have a good Christmas xxxx

You have a good Christmas too Sue.

Merry Christmas sue421. (apply for carer’s allowance)

I posted ages ago.... since then though my husband's health has not improved...I seem to be getting better at coping! We are having help in the mornings to help get him out of bed which a) gives me about an hour to do what I want whatever that is...b) my back is better. We have had great support from all medical professionals this last 6 months.....
As I had so many replies to my first post I just wanted to say thank you and at last I feel I am being myself at last. There hasn't been a miracle other than I am looking after me and accepting what is happening. Does this make sense..?

It makes perfect sense to me. I can remember feeling almost detached from the real world at one stage.

My husband looked well too (just very thin) and really made an real effort to act 'normal' in company. Other people carry on with their lives and have no idea what you're going through.

At times, you adapt well to challenging circumstances - but some days the reality hits. I varied between accepting things and feeling like screaming, so good days and bad days.

Yes it makes perfect sense. It's brilliant that you have been able to make some changes that have improved both of your lives. It's hard sometimes to avoid getting overwhelmed, but you have been able to clear a path. Best wishes

Join the Carers UK website. All sorts of ways you can get support.