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Care & carers

Care costs, what's the best way to go?

(8 Posts)
Stink Mon 25-May-20 15:37:43

My 83 year old mum had a stroke back in November, she is now in a care home and apart from the disablement left from the stroke (poor communication and right side weakness) she is fit and well.
She desperately wants out from the care home, apparently the company is lovely but not quite the stimulating repartee she likes!
Whilst mum is relatively well off if she stays in the care home all her money will be gone in 4.5 years and that is really not where she wants to be anyway.
Home is a first floor flat and as she is wheel chair bound that is not really an option.
I want to give her back some of her former independence whilst preserving her finances (the women in our family live well into their 90's).
What I really want to avoid is:
1) If she stays in the care home and her money runs out the council moving her elsewhere.
2) If she moves in with me I'm expected to do the bulk of the care (or night time at the very least) which I can't because I work full time.
3) I/she sells her flat and buys a bungalow and gets a live in care package (she needs around the clock care due to incontinence issues) but what happens when her money runs out?
I am talking to adult social care but they won't give me a straight answer and it's impossible to make a long term decision without knowing what will happen when the money has gone, which inevitably it will as her care needs are substantial.
Can anyone help??? Please!

Harris27 Mon 25-May-20 15:42:22

What about sheltered accommodation where someone is on hand throughout the day to pop in and care package throughout the day? Surely the council will help with that. Is she really against thee home as it does seem she will need that type of care going forward.

rosenoir Mon 25-May-20 16:27:42

A friends mother was in a lovely home which was £1200 a week. When money was getting low they approached Adult social care, they would have paid but for a much cheaper home, understandably. It was so awful they would not have boarded a dog there.

Carers coming into the home are a cheaper option but sheltered accommodation would give her someone around all the time if that is what she would prefer.

welbeck Mon 25-May-20 17:24:08

regular sheltered housing does not provide any care.
you would have to arrange that separately.
unless pp means, extra care sheltered housing provision, but that is very thin on the ground.
does your mother actually need total 24/7 care.
could you do some of the changing at going to bed time and then she could have an early morning carer, and a couple of other visits during the day.
it depends how much you or whoever she lives with is willing to do. continence is not that difficult to mange, with modern products, when you know how / get used to it.
washing a disabled person is much more involved, and a careworker would be useful for that.
think around the whole situation. do not expect any useful input from ss and you will not be disappointed.
it's good that you want to support your mother to live the way she wants.

rachaelc Mon 25-May-20 18:19:52

Hi there,
I completely empathise. My lovely mum was diagnosed with dementia aged 56, and after 3 years we had no option but to find a care home but I really wish she could have stayed at home with us for longer.

Does your mum own her flat? If so, then does the 4.5 years of funding you mention include the cost of her home? I ask because equity release could be a good option. This would mean that your mum could buy a bungalow and then release some of the equity in return for a lump sum to pay for a live in Carer at home. The downside is obviously that it reduces the amount of money she has overall but the upside is that she can live in the home while still having the funds to pay for care.

I completely agree that it would be impossible for you to look after your mum round the clock.

I hope this idea might be helpful. Happy to provide more help if useful. Now I run a home care company called Lifted ( to try and give families what I wish my mum could have had and we offer live in care so used to helping people think through all the costs.

Take care of yourself, you're doing a great job for your mum in such tough circumstances smile

sandelf Mon 25-May-20 18:45:01

Hi [Stink] You need to read the info in this list of guides relating to health and to money.

Luckygirl Mon 25-May-20 18:49:24

You do not necessarily get moved on by SSD - you can pay a "top-up" over and above what SSD are prepared to pay. This applies to care in a Home, or care at home, whether live-in or carers popping in and out.

I have experience of all these scenarios having had to organise care for my OH.

If she is receiving care at home of any kind, you can ask for the SSD contribution to be in the form of a payment to her which she can choose to spend with whatever agency she wishes. This is called Direct Payments, and if you have P if A for her you can administer this.

Please feel free to pm me - this is all very recent for me and at my fingertips.

Luckygirl Mon 25-May-20 18:50:41

But please remember that good live-in care is very hard indeed to find; and it often costs virtually the same as a care or nursing home. I trawled agencies till steam was coming out of my ears!