Dementia that is only seen by me

My dearest friend has just been diagnosed with mixed dementia, apparently a mix of vascular dementia and Alzheimer's.It's so hard to see her in lockdown,her husband has just been diagnosed with M.S. as well.It's so hard to hear her ask her husband if he knows her children and does he know her friends(that's me and other half).It came so quickly and the lockdown hasn't helped because she thinks she's livingin someone else's house.The problem is we can't help them at the moment because she can't make head or tale of social distancing.My love and deepest sympathies with all of you out there dealing with this horrendous disease.

If only we could sign a paper asking to be ‘put to sleep’ if we develop this awful condition. I think it is the one thing that most older people dread.
We won’t let our pets suffer, but reading in these messages what hell on Earth is caused by these horrible illnesses makes me so sad for all those involved.
I have very mixed feelings about euthanasia, but I know that I would rather die quickly than be a burden to myself and others.

Your situation is very similar to mine. After year of being put down, I realised my mother is narcissistic. She would pretend not to remember things, playing one family member of against the other. Told everyone she didn’t want to go into a care home. Everyone thought she was loverly.
To protect my self I had to back off completely and apart from the occasional phone call, didn’t have any contact with her. Yes she has got some dementia but was good at hiding when it suited.
Other people have begun to realise what she is really like, we have had to make her see that if she isn’t capable of looking after herself she will need to either get careers in or go into a care home.
In the past following a couple of falls I have gone and looked after her. She had a fall a few weeks ago and I said I couldn’t do it, so she is now in care home temporarily.
To get a diagnosis of dementia is hard and first place for referral would be memory clinic. However it sounds to me that she may be playing games. I feel for you, look after yourself.

@jennyluck, one thing that’s often recommended is writing to the GP beforehand, with a clear account of what’s going on, and explaining that your dh is no longer able to give a true picture. Unfortunately there are quite a few GPs who are still pretty clueless about dementia, or at least about what it actually means in day-to-day practice.

Another thing that’s often recommended at appointments with GPs or social workers, is to arrange to sit slightly behind the person with dementia, so that when (e.g.) they say that yes, they are still managing to cook/clean/shower just fine, thanks, you can make a clear but silent sign that this is not the case.

GreenGran78:

"If only we could sign a paper asking to be ‘put to sleep’ if we develop this awful condition."

But we can and many do . It's called a living will, or 'advance directive'.

alexa I think you’ll find that the living Will is in case you end up on life support with no chance of actually getting better,
I think Greengran meant when you are diagnosed with Dementia and before you have to go into a home and don’t recognise anyone.

You don't have to be on life support for your living will to protest you. The living will is a legal document and no doctor is allowed to treat you as long as you are of sound mind.

If you become demented and you are terminally ill with some other condition the doctor would not be permitted to interfere with your dying process and you will have stipulated ordinary palliative care.

quite right Alexa and this is written into my advance directive.

Mealybug, get help. I know it seems easier to just carry on than to make changes but I think you have to do it.

When I was sitting next to my husband with tears dripping off my chin, he said that I had to choose between him and my mother. Harsh words but we had done our best. We found a residential home that would take her despite her dementia and sold her house to pay the fees.

Izabella, to be fair I think GreenGran78 was referring to active medically assisted dying, or euthanasia when animals get it.

I understand the religious and some other Conservative interests in the House of Lords is what stops assisted dying bills from being passed.

I don’t agree with assisted dying. Daughter and son in law both doctors and can see the dangers of it. Also after hearing stories from Switzerland about euthanasia sometimes on young depressed people it is frightening

Our Health and Welfare powers of attorney state very clearly a) that we do not want our daughters to care for us - please find us a nice care home (they do exist) and

b) if we should develop dementia, or any other condition where we are unable both to care for ourselves, and speak (with full mental capacity) for ourselves, then we emphatically do not want any life-prolonging or life-saving treatment, whether medical or surgical (exception for fractures such as a broken hip).
In other words, please don’t try to keep us going when Nature might be trying to let us go.

MarieEliza, most doctors agree with dignity in dying with medical asssistance if the dying process is too painful or undignified. Perhaps your relatives have religious scruples.

The only reasonable excuse not to support doctor- assisted dying is that doctors already do it for patients.

Alexa

Izabella, to be fair I think GreenGran78 was referring to active medically assisted dying, or euthanasia when animals get it.

I understand the religious and some other Conservative interests in the House of Lords is what stops assisted dying bills from being passed.

Yes Alexa you are quite right. I have early Alzheimers so get a little muddled at times. apologies.

I have 2 siblings.The one who has had the least to do with mum practically day to day up until recently has been able to do no wrong. As mum gets more confused and awkward about ageing generally and accepting help -she is in her late 90s! -me and the sibling who have seen her the most bear the brunt of her frustration and she resents any interventions as interference. Our patience wears thin, especially when we are told we are bossy simply because we are concerned for her safety .Our other sibling has rarely has the awkwardness because they have gone less often and have taken on face value that she's coping.Thankfully they are beginning to see the reality.I too am beginning to wonder if mum has rather enjoyed having us running around sorting everything so she has been able to stay in her own home,whilst telling anyone who will listen how well she manages on her own for her age .I don't mind admitting I currently resent her and feel my relationship with her has been damaged. I'm sure once she is no longer here those feelings will lawn.It's not easy is it ?

Sometimes it seems we are the only ones who see our parents daily behaviour. We were told a deterioration in memory is usual in late 70s and not too worry as it was normal .... I'm screamed at daily and mum even tried to open the door of a moving car. Keep doing what you have to do and please take care of yourself x

Yes I had this with my brother and it wasn't until he was wandering around outside in his underpants that it was taken seriously.
Please ask about a care home or arrange respite care. Talk to your GP. Do not feel guilty.

It's really hard for you, hope all the good luck will be with you, amen <a href="https://fastcare.vn/thu-thuat-khac-phuc-iphone-xs-bi-nong-may/">?</a></p>